A suicide note II

If you listen to the reason I thought of committing suicide for the third time, many of you will think it is just a boy. Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either. But the boy was not yet experienced enough to think of his thoughts as childish. To me, the world seemed more cruel than Budd. I thought, I don't have to commit suicide, Indubala is not there, he will die of grief! I couldn't think of any shores, how could I survive without the one I loved more than my life!

If I hadn't met Indubala one day, there would have been nothing in the world. When I quarrel with him, when he gets angry, when he doesn't talk to me, when I don't receive phone calls, when I don't answer letters, my heart aches. It seemed as if the whole world was crumbling to pieces. I would get very, very restless. The mind does not calm down at all until something is cleared. Then when I met him, I could not explain what a wave of peace was flowing through his chest at that moment. Indubala in front of the eyes day and night. The sweet smile on her cheeks and the smell of her hair made me think of each subject separately. Sounds great. There was no time when I woke up, before I went to bed, I sat down to study or I went to Sir's house for private study, I didn't take him to the river of dreams. Holding hands, I have walked on the path of eternity. But Indubala got married! Where I live in Rangpur, and his father-in-law's house in Jessore! I can not see even if I want to! He will never pick up my phone again, will never write a letter, what is this! I will not live. I will live for nothing, mother.

To be hanged, to cut one's hand with a blade is terribly difficult. He will not be possible by me. You have to think of some other way I got a relatively simple method. I will jump into the river. India has released water, then Teesta water in the Teesta. And I don't need so much water to die. I don't know how to swim. There was an extra fear of water from my childhood, even if I fell into one knee water, I would die by eating habudubu. So I was sure that if I could get out of the house at night and close my eyes and jump once in a while.

I don't have to read the burden of Indubala's painful memories anymore. OK, an extreme lesson will be given. She must have cried when she heard about my suicide. This extreme punishment of leaving me will drive him away for the rest of his life. I felt a little peace of mind. When everyone is asleep at night, I will go straight to the Teesta Bridge. Then jump from there, the decision is final.

Returning home, a soldier defeated in the battle of life. Without talking to anyone, I turned off the lights and went to bed without eating anything. Mom called to eat chholamuri. I warned my mother very loudly, I will not eat anything. After a while Sati came and lit the light. There was great anger. I thought I would kill him by strangling him A shopping bag in Sati's hand. He pulled out a polo shirt. That polo shirt, on the way to fetch Sati from school one day, while sitting in a rickshaw, I showed the glass shop in front of Rangpur New Market and said, - Look at that beautiful shirt check.

The matter was up to him. I never thought of that shirt again. That shirt is in Sati's hand. He leaned forward and said,- Brother, let's see if the size is right! I bought it for you first of all with my scholarship money. What can I say! What to do! I do not know anything! Shravan began to read the book through my eyes.

He did not die for the third time despite his best wishes. It's too late to die since I started life anew. I will never forget Indubala with time, I never even dreamed. I forgot, I went, not finding him also gave me an indomitable insistence. I became more and more focused on my studies. What is surprising is that HSC passes with Star Marks. This time I thought I should get a chance in a good varsity. How many Indubala will come then!

Even so. I also got a chance at Jahangirnagar University. The boy who memorized arithmetic was admitted to the pharmacy department with honors. I almost forgot Indubala then. Sometimes I just remember. But the pain in that chinchilla is no more. The first year has passed. And I did not want to love. But the coming and going of love does not depend on anyone's will or reluctance. Of course, I still do not understand this word.

Tropa, Tanima, Kamal, Vibhas of the class are very good friends. Five of us get up and sit together. The only one of them is Trapa in Dhaka. If we all. At the end of the class and chat, I picked up Tripa at the bus depot. Time was passing like this. At the end of many dramas, Kamal fell in love with Tanima. They naturally wanted to have time a little differently. We would gladly give it. Then Vibhas also fell in love with his Pistuto sister. I don't get Vibhas like before now. The rest of Haradhan's two children are me and Trapa. Naturally, the friendship between us became more and more deep. Third year, but still friends. The final exam came. The night before the test number four, the pain in Chinchin started suddenly. What a pain! I don't understand what the pain is in my stomach or knees. Empty chinchin. I called Trapa from the coin box of the hall and told him about the pain. Well threatened. He said, study now. Medicine will be arranged at the end of the test tomorrow. Anyway, I agree.

But I can't read. Empty pain feels like pain. It is as if he is sitting on his head and starting to hurry. Indubala but by that time Indubala was no more, it has become dust. It has flown away from the mind like dust. Sometimes I don't even remember now. I don't understand, at one time it seemed that I would not be able to live without Indu. If I had jumped into the Teesta and died because of him, I would not have come to Trapa. I think and smile in my mind. I reprimand myself again,- What a man! What a boy man!

At the end of the test I told everything to Trapa, - Look, I don't think I can live without you. You are more than my friend.

Trapa cried out, Nehi, Kavi Nehi! Kavi nehi. Goodbye He left for the bus depot before I could say goodbye. I watched her flutter. After he left, I saw that the pain in Chinchin was only increasing. I promised that if Trapa did not speak on his own, I would not speak again.

A few more tests ended. It was difficult to come forward and stay away from talking, Trapa did not even look at me once. I'm no less grumpy. I look sideways, sometimes I get eye contact, but no. This is how the class started in the fourth year. Talk to you soon and keep up the good content. Another person in the class was very beautiful, Mumu. He appeared as my savior. I told him everything. Mumu promised to help me. I talk to Mumu, go to the canteen for tea, smile unnecessarily. If there is a trap around, I increase the volume of Haha Hihi Hoho. I hold a hard feeling outside. Trying to convince Trapa, I'm fine without you. The thought shows that you eat murpa, but you burn empty inside your chest. Not a moment, the girl stops hurrying me!

It's been three weeks since I talked to Trapp. One day at the end of the class he came forward on his own. Said, income. I jumped three times with joy in my mind. But in front of him, I broke the paradigm, the thought is, he's fine, you're in the same class, I'm calling when I'm coming! As soon as he looked at Mumu, he winked and gestured as if he had jumped up and down.

I followed him with a stern look on my face. A secluded place in front of the math department. I do not know if there is still! Trapa sat down under a tree. I sat next to him without saying a word. I thought he would apologize to me first. Then very politely say, - I can't live without you, Ray! You really are more than my friend!

What the heck! I see that the situation is completely opposite. He started humming equally, You're a bi**h. You are a bast**d. Where the hell.

I fell from the sky. I thought what is happening! Trapa goes on to say, - I said I can't love you, and you the next day; Not even the next day, I started dadang dadang with another person from the next second? Although not a lover, I am your friend, or! Bustard.

Thank you for reading.