How to Keep Romance Alive

The biggest complaint that marriage counselors hear from their clients is that romance has departed from their once loving relationship. Sound familiar? Romance can be rekindled, however. Nobody has to let the spark of romance die out, but it usually does for several different reasons.

Courtship

Ah, courtship - that magical time when devotion to one another is in the air blooming into love. It's a wonderful time when we do things for one another. Men buy gifts for their ladies and ladies purchase special, manly things for their would be partner. We share life together. Both put on their best behavior to endear the other to themselves in the pursuit of marriage.

Traditional courtship has pretty much gone out of vogue. There were times when a man asked permission from the woman's father to court his daughter. It still happens, but rarely.

Modern societies are always in a rush to do everything - and budding relationships are certainly no different. We build relationships partly through texting - a very shallow endeavor. It's impersonal.

Some people say "I love you" within days and then run off to get married. That isn't love, and those marriages last about as long as a decent pair of jeans, if that long.

Marriage

Dating, courtship and candlelight dinners eventually evolve into stronger bonds as couples get to know one another. We begin to know our prospective partner much better and draw closer. We admire their traits and rarely bother to try to change the person's peccadillos or things that offend us. We live and bask in splendor.

The eventual day comes when the man gets on his knee and pops the age old question: will you be my slave...er, I mean wife?

When she says yes, plans are made for the wedding. Excitement is in the air as the day draws nearer. The marriage takes place and the couple goes on their honeymoon. The marriage is consummated. All is well as our love continues to grow. We always want to be with our lover whenever we can. We do things for one another. We live in harmony.

Sometime later...

Eventually most marriages transition into a dull routine. Work, children, appointments, and the things of this life get in the way, and the days of courtship are but a memory of what once was. Conversations are less personal and endearing. Romance begins to fade. Sex replaces romance but is not the answer - and never will be. A relationship built on sex alone never does.

In due course conversations may go something like this:

Wife: "How was your day, babe?

Man: "Huh? Wait a second - Manchester United is about to make a penalty kick. Would you grab me a beer?"

Wife: "Ah...sure. Are we still on for dinner tonight?"

Man: "How could he miss that free kick!?"

Communication falters. There are no more flowers, chocolates and gifts for no particular reason. Candlelight dinners are gone because there is no longer a spark. Hubby has become a couch potato with a beer belly. Wives have become the managers of the house and all it entails. Love grows colder and colder. Love begins to die on the vine.

Soon enough one or the other begins to look outside the marriage to another person or maybe even to pornography for new excitement. The marriage is dying, romance has fled like geese flying south for the winter. Hope is decaying and spiraling downwards. The marriage is teetering on separation or divorce.

But it doesn't have to be this way.

Romance revisited

Song of Songs is a rarely studied book of the Bible. At its very core, it is a story of Solomon's marriage. It begins with courtship and then marriage and a honeymoon. By the time the book ends Solomon has not kept the romance alive. He has eyes on other ladies. Many other ladies.

How do we know this? It's in the Bible: "He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray" (1 Kings 11:3, NIV).

In Song of Songs we learn that Solomon and his wife face many temptations. We learn that romance and happiness come by avoiding adultery. We learn that true love is where a man and a woman become "one flesh." That's the way God intended it from the beginning with Adam and Eve.

It is reiterated in the New Testament, too. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31, NIV).

Solomon blew it. He traded love for lust and sex and pleasure to satiate his needs.

Just do it

Ladies, men - just do it. We can keep the romance in our relationship blooming if we love - that is if we continue to do things for one another and focus only on our partner. How else do we do it?

We share activities and values together. We dismiss our pride and do what the other likes, even when we don't want to. We may wind up enjoying it!

We express our love in words and deeds. Song of Songs is what romance should be but most often is not. Gentlemen, bring her flowers, candy and do other romantic things. Ladies, do what he likes.

Whether we need to rekindle the spark of romance or whether we are presently courting, we do rather than just merely say. We remain focused on one another rather than give in to temptations to look at another. We become one flesh. Just do it. Begin today!