Forgive and Forget

How am I going to forget everything?

How can I forget everything and at the same time how can I forgive myself. I no longer know who I am. From the moment I felt their anger at me I taught myself that I must obey them no matter what. I forgot to make a decision for myself. Everything I do I ask their permission because I am afraid they will get angry with me again. My psychiatrist said It was not my fault but no matter what I did, no matter what I do I couldn't forget and I wasn't able to forgive myself.

I don't want them to see me like this, but even try my best to show them that I'm ok I deep inside I'm collapsing.

I'm tired .....

I envy others who seem to be independent of everything.

I knew it was my fault. I am the one who made myself like this. I locked up my self. It is all my fault.

I wanted to be free! But I can't.....

What should I do? I do not know.