Troubled Mind

A mother of three who works almost 12hours a day seem to worry more while away from home.

Each day I went to work, I want to hug my kids goodbye and tell me them I am going to work. It gives me a nice feeling leaving that they are fine.

Though today is unusual. After I wake up, my youngest notice me. So I said, I am getting up to take a shower because I am working today. But he said,"No". I thought he was just teasing me or just dreaming then with eyes wide open. I give him another alibi so I can get up. Yet he cried out loud and hug me tight. He said he wants me to carry him and I did. Then ask him again so I can take a shower. He sobers again and for a few minutes I have to patiently wait a little bit until he gets at ease. Though time seems to run so fast so I made another alibi and succeeded.

I have to do everything in a rush or I might be late at work. I bid goodbye and my kids just fine. But my mind was troubled. It has lots of loads that I do not know why it bothers me this way.

It's I am going to pass a dark tunnel that I fear so much how to surpass it calmly. When I do not have kids, I do not overthink this much. I mean, I am paranoid even on small things and this makes me more sick. Though why I overthink like this is because of my what ifs. When I have kids, I always overthink in keeping safe because of them and any awkward feeling or someone's strange gesture or reaction gives me more strange feeling to overthink more.

They say I just overreact on how my child had his tantrums that day. But for me, no, there is something more of it. I just do not want to think more nowadays because I might drain myself.

Luckily, after a few days I get rid of that strange feeling and what troubled my mind. Perhaps, keeping myself locked in a bit helps and away from any bad news.

Thanks for reading.

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