They Never Know

It's been quite some time since my last article here. I was too occupied lately at work that I cannot fully enjoy my breaktimes because of unexpected workloads. But I am really trying so here I am again.

For some years, I have been through a lot and nobody cares. I have friends, colleagues and relatives but they never care at all. What makes me say that?

When we humans have more energy to drive our minds to be smart and a bonus if we have a lot in our wallet, we attract many friends, right? If you happen to have an empty wallets with so many problems, your so called friends often times give some distant with you. When you talk about life, they hear you but when you need help they step back a little. Only a few will be left then. Sad but true. That is reality in life.

I was not the silent type person way way back. Now people can hear me out if they want my voice to heard or know my thoughts with some matter. Though they never know how I am each day or how miserable my life yesterday and today because I never tell at all. I always hold back and try to act to be okay.

Once, I want to hid from those leaves in the garden. I want to see how the people around care to pull me out or let me down. I was just observing how will they react or what they do to others life. Then I have decided not to tell at all. Why? Because they tend to judge and talk like you are not doing anything at all and just causing more problems in life. I saw and heard them how they backstab other person without knowing the real story.

However, a few friends of me know what happen about a few days ago. They are those few friends who understands my situation and wanted to help but we are still in the same boat. They have only few in their pockets but willing to share some kindness to help me a day. Yes, they really try to make me okay somehow.

However, no matter how I wanted to tell all to my family, they never let me finish. They always start to count this and that. How come you struggle when like this and like that. So I end up shutting my mouth and not to talk about it anymore. My parents somehow understands me but I let them know I am doing fine. While my siblings who knows a bit of my state just end up telling me things that will put me down more and I what I did was stop talking to them about it.

Just like what happened a few days ago. My wallet goes empty and the payment promise by someone who bought some perfumes still a promise after a month. Knowing that I have three children, I cannot afford to let their stomach be empty. I have only 100php in my bank account and withdraw it. I bought a 1 and 1/2 kilo rice and 1 galon of mineral water. Then we just ask some moringa leaves to cooked so we can have some viand. It solves my day. But the next day, we have another problem how to survive. Luckily someone let me lend 200php and it last for two days. Then we receive our early 5kilos of rice gift from our coop, God really make a way and it helps us today. My children are very patient and understanding too and I thank God that no matter how hard life is, we survive it all together hand and hand. Thus until now, my family will never know nor my colleagues will that I hardly survive a day. I will just have to be hardworking and determine that we can surpass this all in life. As long as we are together, my children understands this all, then life is worth fighting.

📷All images from Unsplash

Thank you for reading this far. I know I misses a lot here but I am really trying. Perhaps I can have more time to offer here when my schedule changes to at work. Also I miss Rusty a lot, hope to see him again here.