When I grow old and wear, when I can`t reach the tip of my feet, I want you to tell a story full of regrets and suffering. When I was young, I have nothing to worry about, I can smile endlessly even bad things happen, I know there is still a tomorrow that will be nice to me. When I was a child all I need to do is go to school and have fun, obey what my parents tell me and everything will be fine. When I was young I can run free in the grassy plain, I can feel the sun kissing my skin as I run and feel the wind in my hair, what a beautiful and relaxing day that was.
I can still remember the feeling when I received my first gift on Christmas, I can still hear the sound of the gift wrap when I opened it. I am so happy that day I still have that toy sitting on the shelf of my collection. Every Christmas is different, I can feel it shift into 2 sides when I am young. I can see the kitchen table filled with food when we have a lot of money, and it is empty when are less fortunate than Christmas. And even in clothes, when we have a lot of money that Christmas, my clothes are always new and when we don`t have money, I have the same clothes. Even our Christmas has 2 sides, I feel happy every time. I can still see that we are so alive that day and we are so thankful.
When vacation, I spend my time helping on the farm with my grandfather. We sell alive cows when I need money for my tuition when I was in high school. I always have fun spending my whole day watching the cows eat in the pasture. While they are eating I can spend my time building my nipa hut where we always stay. When the cows lay in the grass during the afternoon, we can sleep or eat our lunch. After that short time when the cow stays still, the cows will start to move again and we need to chase them. When the cows move we need to follow them, when we did not follow them they will walk faster and faster and they will be out of our site and we will have a hard time tracking them.
It is hard to take care of many cows at once, but it is always fun, when I am in the wild I can feel that I am free and there is nothing much to think about. I can spend my time thing about my life and what should do next. I missed that moment that everything is so simple and pure, I miss those times that there is less to worry about.
But now, everything has changed. I feel constantly afraid, I feel that my time can end at any time, I feel that the time in my hand is quickly draining and I have nothing to prevent it. I feel that many of my memories are fading away, there is something I don`t want to forget but I can`t remember. I hope there is more time for me. I hope that before my time end, I can still call the good thing I have done and all the good people I have influenced.
We all know that many of the stories don`t end according to plan, many of the stories flow so rough that someone needs to die first before the story ends. I hope those are the memories I will forget, the memory of pain when I lose someone, the memory of regret when I did not see them for the last time. The memory of everything bad happens in my life, I hope I forget them all. But we all know that is not possible, we need the bad things in order to appreciate the good things in life, I hope that I learn it earlier.
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