As kids, we see the world with different views compared to how we see it now. Back then it is simple, full and hope and happiness but now everything has changed. We see it like everything is normal, we are not surprised by many things even if they will affect our life in negative or positive ways.
As we grow older every time we just see life like it is, nothing special and nothing more. We live and sleep, that's all, and then we will repeat it the next morning. We are falling into our own void, and we do nothing, we know that when we fight back it will change for a day or an hour, but will be the same. Life is a cycle, we are blindly going with it, and we can do nothing about it. We are walking in a circle and we know it, we just don't know what to do or we are just afraid to go against the flow of life. We are afraid because of what?
When I was a kid, they tell me that life will be good and fun, as a child, I will believe that I have no experience back then, I just wake up, play, eat and listen to my parents about things that I need to do. My only worries back then are I am alone, or when I my parents died in an accident, or when we lose all of our money and we need to be homeless.
Back then I am not so open or social, until now I practice the thing I do when I have a child, especially when I have the chance. I choose to stay in my room alone, playing, reading books, drawing, or sometimes writing my own stories. I just don't see myself hanging out with different people, I see it as a waste of time. I want to keep my life private, I don't want people to keep asking questions about life anymore.
When I was in high school, I try to become one of those kids to be happy and try to become social. I hang out with my different classmates but it did not end well, when they knew about the life my family is living, they bullied me and it keep going for many years. When that happen I said to myself that I will not open myself again for other people. I manage to project different parts myself when many people are around and I will be different when I am alone and when I am with the people that I am comfortable with.
I see life become happy and then eventually become sad over and over again. I am constantly praying that it would change for even a day. I am always active and observing when something good is happening because I know that in the following hour or days, something bad will happen and it is not a surprise for me.
I think it is just life, it is just the way it is, but why? I have things questions in my head almost every day. Why our life is like this, I am sure that there are people that experience the same way that I did, and other will be few that will not know this feeling.
I know thuis feeling andere don't cling tot life either. I have my responsibilities but as a realist I know that will end. Let's say it'sfine,it's ascgood as it is. Nothing special, exiting, still surviving. As the passes by even those questions no longer are important.