September 17, 2021
These past days I wake up lost and always feeling so tired, I feel like there is no sense of living at all. Many questions are circling my head and thought that I can`t control is slowly consuming me. Despite all of this feeling, I try to continue my day making the same things or choirs every day. I try to be normal and I did not think about it a lot, but there are times that tears just automatically pour out of our eyes and I think that is a sign that we are so full or tired about what is happening. We always try to hide the memories that cause us pain, memories that give us the sense of regret, and many other things that make us uncomfortable. We always hide those things because we are afraid to face them? or we`re just too numb to care?
This past day since the beginning of September I always say to my said that what will happen, will happen and I don`t care what will be the outcome, that is the greatest lie a man can tell to himself. Since the beginning of September, I did nothing I just lie in bed and write on read cash every night, that is what I`m doing every single day. I drop anything I do, I feel too lazy to draw, write songs and play guitar and I just accept that. But in the back of my head, I still want to do those things, I feel guilty laying in bed all day but once I try to draw I feel so irritated, so I will just go back to bed.
But this morning, something change. I woke up early, clean, make my laundry, and start doing what I have to do. I am surfing on the internet and suddenly I watched a video of Ola a guitarist, I feel so awaken and I think I know what I have to do. I talk to my cousin that is also playing many instruments and we plan to make a record this year. But the problem is that I sold all my musical instruments 2 years ago to purchase a dog as my companion, but I did not regret selling all my stuff to buy a dog. That dog saves my life many times when there is no one for me he is always by my side, when everything becomes so dark and heavy my dog is always by my side cheering me up. So for this year, my goal is to build again a home studio and make a record to be released next year. This will never be easy because we are in the middle of a pandemic but I have high hopes for this. My target date is December 30, 2021, on that date I will buy new or 2nd hand equipment for the studio and set up the equipment the following day. wish me luck
This month I have a lead that whatever we do, or whatever distraction we face we will always come back to the thing we love to do, to the things we embrace when we are young. Sometimes we forget what we need and what we love but with just a simple video or simple word from someone, we can spark again. As we grow older, with many things and responsibilities like saving money, taking care of someone, and planning for our future we tend to forget ourselves and we just focus to do those things. And once we are done or we become tired, what`s next? There is a chance that we will be happy and look for the next goal, but there is also a chance that we break and lose it. Always give time to the things that you love to, it will make you happy and less stressed. Make your life your own chase dream of your`s not the dreams of others like your parent or another relative, chase your dream and you will always win.
We can sleep but we will be awakened in the darkest times, so just keep going and don`t forget what makes you human, what makes you who you are.
All photo are from Unsplash 
