Does anyone see her?
The day started as a normal day, getting out of bed and getting ready for the whole day. As I open my eyes is does not feel normal, I feel there is something missing besides, something or someone that will make my day complete and light and happy. I don't know if it's my favorite pillow or something else, I don't know what is it, but I know there is something missing to start off my day.
I get out of bed, do my morning routines like drinking coffee while reading some news or article, it differs based on my mood in the morning. I walk my dog outside every morning on the road near or house, it is my form of exercise for a whole 2 months.
Living here in the province is one of the best things that ever happened to me, it is so peaceful, quiet, and cold, compared to our home in the city. I wish I could stay here for as long as I want, but it is not possible because of my job and my school is far from here and the online class settings will end soon.
As I approach the door to walk my dog I see 2 sets of slippers and the other one is tend to be a female sleeper. I stop for a minute to think if my sister comes to visit me for the weekend. I did not think deeply to think who is the owner of the slipper and assume that it is my sister's slippers.
I continue my day, take a bath and eat my breakfast before leaving the house to do some groceries. Before I leave the house, there is a feeling that I am not comfortable with this morning. I can feel that there is a part that is missing and I am constantly finding what it is.
I arrived at the grocery store, I get a shopping cart and start to buy the thing that I need. I feel that I did it a thousand times and I really know what I am doing. I get the thing that I think I need, when I look at the cart it is already full and there is a tow of everything. I am at the counter so I just for everything, I think that it is okay to have extra food especially since we are at the center of pandemics.
There is something missing in my day, the more I think about it the more my tears pour out. I lie when I say that I don't know what is missing and I lie about the extra slippers near the door. I know that she will never come back so I will try to act like she did not happen and exist in parts of my life.
I miss the way she said good morning and goodnight every day, the scent of her hair when we are laying in bed. The sound of her voice when she calls me that the food is ready, I miss how she talks to me about her day and how he handles things in the office.
I will continue acting that nothing happens and everything is fine, but my behavior is still acting that she is still by my side. It is hard to live like this, so does anyone see her? If you see her can you say that I am still waiting...
All Images are from Unsplash
Our Definition
It is easy to judge people by the way they look, talk or walk. It is easy to observe and see what is their next action and what will be the result of its base on who we are observing. The way they hold to look at different people will give us a clue how we should approach that person. The way they walk will give us a hint on how confident they are in what they are doing or where they are going.
They said that first impression will last forever, do you believe in that saying? I think this is both true and false, it is based on the people that are doing the first impression. In our lifetime, we meet different people, and those people we meet also meet different kinds of people. In their lifetime and our lifetime we will know what to do and to do when we are meeting certain people for the first time. And based on that experience we can change the way we talk to strangers and the way we will act or the way we will change our behavior when we are meeting a person for the first time.
First Impression Always last
When we follow the saying "first impression always last" we are simply caging or limiting the power of a people to change. And also we are limiting our self to see how people will change and the beauty behind it. We will not see the people change when we believe in this kind of saying, even the people change for us or they change to benefit others, we will not see it because we are looking to their characteristics of the past.
This will be destructive for the people that put a lot of effort to change and the people around them will not see it because they are believing in that kind of saying. I think this kind of saying was invented because back in the days, they are not changing a lot. As we can see in the older generation, they act the way they are back in the days and until now. I think that is the reason why that saying is invented and popularized.
Define
When understanding and defining people on a deeper level, is so hard. Even those who study the human can't give you an explanation of who and what you are. Our mind is very vast and deep, the more we try to think and learn on a day-to-day basis, it will become deeper and wider.
We can't just judge or define people and expect that their behavior will last until the day they die. That is one of the toxic ways people look at other people, For example, is when a person does bad things, other will people will look at him or her like that, that this kind of person is like that and will remain like that forever.
The human mind will change every day even every minute of the day. It can be happy in a minute and sad or angry in the next minute. It may want to have a certain thing and will hate it the next hour. That kind of behavior is common among kids buts even adults have that behavior, admit it or not, it is true.
All Images are from Unplash
Let it Bleed
We all undergo very dark and rough times, many of us survived, but many failed and there are many more that are still fighting. Many lose hope and change the path that they are facing, and there are some that are stuck in the middle of the journey and can't move anymore. Stuck because they are afraid to fail again, afraid of what other people can say to them.
When everything gets so dark and chaotic, our first reaction will be to fix it. We try to make it work again by doing anything it takes to make it better. We try to do our best and think of the best way to get out of the darkness and the chaos, but still, we will find ourselves stuck in the middle of it all.
Sometimes we try to lighten the and it works, we become happier and we feel that we are ready to conquer the world. But what will happen if it fails again? What we will do?
We tend to hold everything in and try to act that everything was fine, that everything is all laid down like in the plan. When someone asks how are we doing, of course, we will answer everything is fine, we will smile and slowly change the topic so they will not talk about it again. In the beginning, it is okay because we are at the point of we are trying to fix it without anyone knowing that we fail. We are trying to make it like nothing happen at all.
But there is still a chance that it will fail and we will be left with nothing...
*Let it bleed...*
I go back home every December to celebrate the holidays with my family. It is always fun when I go back home because look at me with a smile and everyone is trying to talk about what happened to me for the past months. In the first days or week, I will visit everyone in our family and try to talk to them about life and if they want to have a get-together with all of the family members.
It always feels so happy when this time arrived, everyone is smiling and happy with the celebration. Everyone is talking to each other like they did not talk for the whole year. Everyone brings their gift to be given to other people. This gift is always special and when I received one, I will keep it for the rest of my life.
Everything is fine on the occasion when I see that everyone is smiling and everyone is having a good time. The sad part is when the celebration end and everyone should go back to their own places.
*A happy ending seems to be happy, but will happen when the happy parts end? Everything has an ending and we are not always ready for it.*
Like a Bird in the cage
We are like a bird in a cage, we always try to fly away when we see the door open, when we see our owner is coming we become alive for him to see how happy we are, but in reality, we are not.
We are like a bird in a cage, the first time we are there, we tend to fight it. Observing every time trying to find a way out or a hint how to the owner opens the door. We flap our wings every time like it will do a thing like if we flap our wings even faster it will magically open the roof or the door of the cage.
We are like a bird in a cage, when we fail our attempt if the first try, then on the second try, then the third, we will just give up. Our hope will vanish like the water left under the sun in the middle of the day. We will just stop trying until we adopt the life inside the cage. We will be calm as the day go by, we will cooperate inside so there is no problem will occur.
Until we become comfortable and lose our hope. Until we close our use to seek the light. Until we forget what is the feeling to be free. Until we close our eyes and do not see all the possibilities left. Until we close our eyes and don't see that when we are not looking there are a thousand chances that the owner left the door to unlock and we can open it.
When the time comes that we stop looking for answers or the things that we want, it will suddenly appear in front of our faces but we don't have the strength anymore to grasp it.
When the day comes that I am too tired to give care to anything that is happening around me. I will just go with the flow like trash or a dead fish in the river. I will let the world and the future control me, I will not fight it, I will just go with it.
When the day comes that we are so tired to fight and the death is knocking, I will let him and give him a cup of tea before we go. I will not fight it or ask any questions. I will just follow him wherever he will go.
Will the day that I can say "I am finally free" will come? The day when I will smile truly and not because I need to smile. I hope I still have the strength to jump and celebrate when that day comes. I hope I can still tell the story of how I did not give up and lost all my hope. I can't wait for that day to come when I am finally free and I can do whatever I want to make myself happy.
I am still happy today even I am not completely free and all the things are not going the way I wanted them to be. I am still happy I am still alive, Until I am breathing there is hope to see a better tomorrow. Where all I can see is the thing I wanted to be, land full of trees where animals can freely roam around, a field full of flowers and A place where I can lie in the grass and look at the sky and smile.
All Images Are from Unsplash
The Alarm turn on
I am hiding at the back of a wall, my sweat is pouring together with my tears, I hope I don`t see him at all. I can hear its footstep while I am heavily breathing, I prayed in a drawl, hoping to see tomorrow and forget everything at all. I closed my eye exaggeratedly, I whisper it softly, I don`t believe in heaven but when I die today I hope there is a place like it, so peaceful and quiet, full of flowers before I can see the gate and I am walking in golden stones nut flaming mud. I feel relaxed for a second...
I wonder what can I do in heaven when it exists, is it truly peaceful or it is just the same on earth, or is it all an imagination and lie to keep all the humans silent and obey what the people with power want.
*I wonder what is the truth behind that book...*
I open my eyes, I can see his massive shadow and I can hear his thunderous roar. I his shadow I can his big horns, broad chest, and arms with legs and feet of a cow. I become more afraid as it approaches me in the back, the footsteps become louder and I can hear his heavy breathing.
I don`t know what to do, I panic and I run away from the monster, as I look back I can see that he see me run. I can see his eyes and how they loot at mine, I can feel the anger from his look and the power it holds.
I continue running until I see a door, I look back and I hold the knob. I see nothing but a dark alley and many walls like it is a place like it is a maze and a place for people to hide.
As I look back to the door, the door is gone. The knob I am holding becomes a hand, I feel afraid to look at its face. I search for every courage in my body.
Slowly I lift my face to see its face...
*The alarm turn on*
I woke up breathing heavily, I feels so realistic. I can still feel the fear that the monster brought to me and the feeling of the doorknob that turns into a hand. I wonder for a minute in my bed, thinking about what can be the meaning of my dream. It is wild and scary, I think it is the first time that I dreamed of something like that and I can feel that I am scared to lose my life.
I get of bed and open my computer to check messages and emails like it is a thousand times. This is my morning routine since the beginning of the lockdown. I browse the internet watching youtube videos to let my mind forget about my dream.
I spend almost 1 hour sitting in front of the computer checking everything I should for the whole day. By this time I forget about my dream I feel that it is a normal day like any other.
It is finally time to get up and make some coffee while I am walking my dog. As I am approaching my door, I feel it again, the fear that I feel when I am in my dream. I closed my eyes and said to myself that everything that happen this morning is just a dream. I opened my eyes and attempt to walk in front of my door.
I hold the doorknob and everything turns black, suddenly I can feel the cold breezed and the dust on my feet. I don't know what to do and I want to raise my head to see its face.
I closed my eyes, I am not religious but this time I will pray for guidance. This happens in everyone when we are desperate we call right?
I slowly raise my head to see its face...
*The alarm turn on*
All Images are from Unsplash
Is there a special place in your heart?
We all love someone that we think we can`t live without. We can sacrifice many things in the name of love, we can do anything that we can do to save the relationship that we build for a long time. In many songs they said many things about how they can prove their love to one another, but is it all true?
In our lifetime, we love different people in our life and with love, there is always a part of heartache and pain. Those two feelings will never separate, and we all know that.
I have loved many people in my life, some end up in pain, and some end up in never-ending happiness and story. Before we start loving someone we must know that there is pain afterward, when we become attached to one people we will expect that they will like us back in return, but that is not always the case. People can pretend and lie that they loved us, but they are only looking at the things that they can get from us to the things that they will benefit. And we know nothing about it until they we that your relationship forms them will change and your will over thing everything and you will dig deeper, and you will know the painful truth.
I have loved someone when I was in the 3rd year of my college years, I feel wonderful when I was talking to her and the mood will change once I will see her in person. I feel that I am the luckiest man alive when she said yes when I ask her to be my girlfriend. At that time I am just an innocent soul wandering in the sea full of different lonely and empty souls.
We talked a lot when we are together and when we are chatting on the phone. She told me her story about how hard and terrible her life is, and I believed it and I know it is true.
When I look her straight in the eye, I know they are empty, I feel I can stare directly in her soul and I can`t read anything there, I know it is full, but with emptiness...
*I fell in love much deeper, I said to myself that I will not make her terrible life more terrible, I am an innocent soul...*
Months or weeks later everything changed, I can feel that the weather suddenly change. I can feel that she is longing for something which I don`t have, she says I love you but I feel it meant nothing for her.
One day there is something I want to see with my own eyes, I open her account and I know I was right.
*She said I love but not to me...*
I was an innocent soul back then, I feel like a cat left in the side of the road. But I learned some lesson when that happen, that is not to trust others until then prove that I am something to them.
Is it all Worth it in the End?
As we chase our fast-moving life and as we try to fight our way in it, we sometimes forget the most important question, "Is it all worth it in the end?" As humans we follow the standards that we see online, we follow the rules that are given and feed in our face by those who are in the power and we continue our life like there is nothing significant happening in every minute of our life.
Life is scary and thrilling at the same time, waking up every day not knowing what will happen for the next hour. But as we grow old the feeling of thrill and scared will be gone and we will just live like an unconscious robot that is trying to feel something or trying to hope that something will change the next day.
Do we follow everything that we think is right without questioning that what will happen in the end? Am I going to be happy for the rest of my life when I do it or everything will stay the same, full of regrets and sometimes happiness?
As we look for our purpose in life, we become happy when we see it. We act and feel based on what life gives to us or do we act and feel based on how we are being manipulated? We feel that this certain path is the right path for us because of all the things we see in our environment. When we watch a show online about a doctor helping the poor or a lawyer winning many cases, suddenly we wanted to be like them. We will try to be like them, doing things that they do to become successful, and not even a month we will suddenly stop and find a new thing to do or follow.
*Is it all Worth it in the End?*
We will never know until we try to go to the end. The only way to see if we are going to be happy in one thing is to try it, just try to do it even in a short period, and find a way to like it. After many days or weeks, ask yourself if you are still enjoying the thing you are doing, many of us will say no.
Many of us are stuck to the place we don`t want until we lose hope to find a way to get out of this place. I have experienced the same thing and until now I know I am stuck.
Many are stuck because of all the responsibility attached to it. And sometimes we are afraid to commit to a thing we like because many eyes are looking at us waiting for us to fail. Once we fail, it is their chance.
It is kind of common for many people to be stuck in one place and have a hard time finding a way out...
*Are we blocking our way out or we are not looking for it that`s why we can`t see it?*
*I know a way out but I can`t do it, I can`t just abandon something I hold for too long, but it is mainly because of all the people that are holding me back... or I am just scared, or did I sink deeper and stuck in this little zone I called comfort.*
As we become older and what we are doing is burning our remaining time, it is too late for us to realize that we are not happy with our current place. On our way are blinded by all the fears, wealth, and short happiness attached to it, and once we reach the end, it is time to ask... Is it all worth it in the end?
Are We Yet to Be Discovered?
I know I am still lost, walking barefooted I don`t know where to go. I know many of you feel the same, waking up in the morning and sleeping at night like it is nothing. I think we know where to go, we know the goal that we want, but we can't find a way or a motivation to move and chase our goal. And I know some of us are holding back to chase the thing that they wanted because of all the people in their back.
I know it will be hard to know what is your purpose in life, since the day we are born people around us have been thinking about what our life will be like in the next five years or in the next 20 years. I think that is common in humans, to seek what is the meaning and function of our life, as the days go by when we are a child, when we barely know what is life, people around us are putting seeds in our minds. They are preparing us to be into helping them, they are saying a thing which is right, but it is to benefit them. I am not saying that it is happening all the time, but in this place, I am living, I can see first hand.
And by the time we are at this age, we don`t know what to do...
There are different questions in this idea like, is it to help others? or the be helped? And do we die to live or live to die? Those are the main question in life, and I know many of us don`t really know the answer.
We are all dust carried by the wind until we land on the surface and now what? we will wait for the next strong wind to come. Or we are like a leaf, that is falling from a tree, and in the middle of the fall, we know, that there is a strong wind that will guide us with our fall. We can fall right down the tree, or we can glide with the wind until we end up on the ground just like the others.
*And when we fall there is no other way but to enjoy the fall and we will end up in the bottom, we can rebuild our empire there, or it can be our burying ground where we will rot...*
Many of us can`t control our life, we can just obey what our parents will say, we can just choose what option they will propose. It is hard and draining in a long run. But many people are fine with this, they are not responsible for all the failures because they are not the ones who choose it, in short, they can always blame the failure on others.
Is the future will determine who we are? or we will determine who we are for the future?
Is what is happening around us will influence who we are? I think yes and no right? we are who we are but, there are parts of our minds that change even we don` want it to change, like our fears, anxiety, or even the way we walk and the way we flip our hair.
Are we yet to discover ourselves? do we need to unlock who we are to know what we are and what we want? There are many ways to discover who we are and don`t ask me questions on what it is because I know nothing that is why I am writing this now.
I thought it is normal to be nothing in this phase of our life. I thought it is okay to be ordered on what move I shall do next.
*Are We Yet to Be Discovered?*
All Images are from Unsplash
I can see the blue sky a far...
I can feel I am under constant pressure, overthinking everything, I think they are just waiting for me to collapse or evaporate in the air before they stop. I can see them laughing and whispering while looking at me, I don` need to wonder who are they talking about. I can feel that I am afraid to commit to all the things that I want because when I let go of what I am holding now, there are many people that will be affected.
Yesterday, it was so cloudy in my head, I can`t think or focus for a long time, there is something in my head that keeps popping out of nowhere, even I don`t want to think about it keeps getting my attention. I can feel the same feeling over and over again this past week and I am kind of accepted it as a part of my life since then.
I think my hope is gone, I am done longing for better and peaceful days. Last week my and mother got into a fight.
She said that "*You are doing nothing but to stare and sit in front of your computer all day, I am so tired to work all day just to see you sitting"*
I did not respond, I just go home and started typing and finishing all my paper works. But as long as I am not thinking about the word she said, the more it echoes at the back of my head and I can't focus on everything that I am doing, so I confronted her.
As I am dialing her number, I changed my mind, It is pointless to talk to her when she has a point. I am still studying as a Veterinary student and I don`t have a lot of time to help them in our business. I will just hold myself and let this feeling fade away.
But all I am doing now is for them isn`t it? I don' want to be a doctor in the first place, I just follow what they instructed me to do. When they told me to take this course, I just say yes.
Since I was a child I don't have time to choose what I want to do and to be in life, they told me what I need to do and my only job is to say yes, that's all.
I just continue my day as always doing things that I think I want, studying, and cleaning the house before they arrived. It is a normal day as ever but my mind is in a rush, thinking about every negative thing that happened in the past, amplifying everything until I can hear it loud and clear.
It`s the other day, I woke up not so early this day. It is strange because it is quiet this time. It is unusual to be quiet in this house because everyone is shouting at each other all the time.
I get up out of bed and start my day, as usual, I make a coffee and go for a run. I thought I can see the sky above me head-turning blue but it isn't.
I Know Nothing Will Change
November 23, 2021
They said that our emotion is the result of what is happening around us, we can fake it but eventually, it will pour out like water from a broken water pipe, you can control and it can consume you whole if you did not act sooner. Our emotions are so powerful that they can change our lives forever in an instant, they can lighten or darken the day and it can make you a different person if you let it control you.
Almost all of us fake an emotion before, especially when we are in front of other people. We like to hide our emotions so that the mood will not change when we are in the middle of a conversation. We hide it to make it less awkward for the people around us and we don`t want other people to see us react. But as soon as we got home, it will all come crushing in like a landslide. we can't control it in the beginning but as soon it progress the weaker it will be, so we will have time to control it.
This morning I woke up late but not so late, as soon as I open my eyes I call my younger brother because I remembered that he will leave with me and my parent will open the store early. I called him and he answer quickly and I asked if he want to go to the store, and as always he said yes. I immediately get out of bed and do all the things I need to do every morning, feed the animals and give my dog a walk.
We drove going to the store and it was fun, and as soon as we arrived we eat some food that my father cooked, a slice of grilled pork and chicken. After we eat, I helped a little bit in the store, it is weekdays so there are few people that are buying stuff from us compared to weekend days. We are used to eating and we adapt very fast in this setup when weekdays we get fewer items to sell than on weekend days, that is the solution we are doing for the past years.
After helping I go home and do the things I need to pass in school. This past week I am so lazy to study, so I just study almost 2 hours per day, which is very short considering the number of things I need to do.
In the afternoon I finished the lecture for my clinical pathology, I am doing that lecture for almost a week now and I have only just finished it. After that, I lie on the sofa until 4 Pm and once again, I did not accomplish many things for this day.
It is always like this when I am living here in our house with my parent. I am too lazy to study here because there is a lot of things to do here, especially helping them in the store. But when I am living alone in my apartment I can do a lot of things in a short period of time compared here. And there is a lot of noise here, like the noise of the children and there are a lot of people here looking for my mother.
It is so stressful here in addition of the heat, it is hard to work here, even I am just typing I can that my face is becoming oily and sweaty, it so hot in here.
All Images are from Unsplash
The Shooting Star
November 22, 2012
Many of us dream a lot and some do not dream so often, they said a dream is a prophecy or the truth that will happen in the near future. Some said that it is our desire that our unconscious mind projects when we are not in full control, like when we are asleep. Some interpret the dream literally that make many of the dream nonsense, some people take time to think deeply on what is the real meaning of their dream.
Many of us did not remember our dream until we experience the same moment, and we will think that it happened already, many people call this De Ja Vu. Some people wait for their dream to happen in real life but base on my experience they rarely happen in the real life. Many people left this appointment when it happens, but it is what it is, many of our dreams will be dreams forever.
Morning
I woke up this morning stressed than ever, my brother and mother are already screaming at each other because my younger brother doesn`t want to take a bath. It has become normal for me to wake up in the morning with all the shouting from my mother. Before getting up out of bed I remembered my dream, I dream of a shooting start so many I can't count them all, it passes in the sky one by one and I am stunned by it. It is my one and only dreams that night which is strange for me.
I get out of bed, I see that my mother is packing charcoal at the back of her pickup truck, and my younger brother doing something while lying on the ground. My mother is one of the most hard-working mothers but her patient is very short and she always shouts even in a normal conversation. I think many Filipino or Asian people can relate to their mother always shouting in a normal conversation, even she is not angry.
My mother told me everything that I should do for the whole day and I said yes to it. Every day in the morning before she goes to her work, she will give or say to me a list of things I should do for the whole day so she will have some time to rest when she arrived home. On a normal day, the list is short, and sometimes I have nothing to do so just go to my cousin's house and spend half of the day there.
I manage to get things done early and I have plenty of time left before my first class, so I watch different youtube videos about arranging your workspace for maximum productivity. So this Afternoon I buy my first office chair for a cheap price since a bunch of my money is going to upgrade my keyboard.
We pick up the chair in the place in Naic, Cavite where it is applicable for me and the seller. The Item is good and as soon as I get home I build it and use it for the first time. I am pretty satisfied with this purchase but I think I will upgrade to an ergonomic chair in the near future.
It feels good to have a chair that is comfortable, since the online class started I am using a monoblock chair that I borrowed from my auntie. It is painful to sit there for a long period of time because it is so hard and uncomfortable. But now I feel I can spend the whole day sitting in front of my computer working and studying.
Spending some money to make your work setup good is one of the best spendings in your life. It will make your workspace more beautiful and useful at the same time.
Evening
At night, I spend my time reading some articles about dreams, I read that the meaning of shooting a star in a dream is that I am in the right place and at the right time. I think it is true, but lately, everything is going according to plan, or I think this way because of the article I read.
Lately, I think all the thing I have thinking is going according to plan and many of the things I want is already in my hand. So I guess the meaning of the dream is correct?
All Images are form Unsplah
What A Nice Day
November 21, 2021
Sundays, what comes to our minds when we hear the word Sunday? Is it a family day for you? A day to go to the church? Or both? Whatever it is, it is a day to give yourself a good rest. After a whole week of fighting and chasing due dates, give yourself a rest every Sunday in order to recharge for the whole new week coming in your face.
It is good to give yourself time to breathe after you are done with all the things that giving you stress. Especially now, the world is getting smaller because we are in the middle of a pandemic, many of us have no choice but to do things in order to survive even want to do something else.
Morning
I woke up early this morning when I open my eyes my mother shout at me to take a bath because we are going to church. Since I was a little boy, I and my parent always go to church every Sunday. At first, we go to A roman catholic church, but as time progressed we shift from catholic to born-again Christian. This shift is sudden, I don`t know the reason, I was a little child back then I only go to church so I can see my friends and we will have a good time playing in the nearest playground at that time.
But when I was getting older, everything change. My parents are always fighting and I am caught in the middle of it. I was just a child full of hope and all I can see is rainbow in a bad times with my family. Back then I was always praying and hoping that everything have a chance to change. But nothing changes.
I so I give up going to church every Sunday and I will just pray on my own every time. There was a time that I asked my grandfather why he is not going to church every Sunday. He answered that the church is just a place and the true place of worship could be anywhere, as long as you are praying sincerely, trying to communicate above with respect and love, that is all you need. I am not a little boy at that time so I understand what he was saying.
I am amazed at what he said and it is always in my mind every time. As long as I prayed sincerely with love and respect, that is all I need.
Afternoon
In the afternoon I practice playing guitar before going to my cousin`s house not so far away from here. His new keyboard will arrive this day so we are excited to see it. Before I go there, the package already arrived so we open it once I get there. It is so beautiful, sounds good, and feels good. We assembled it and I go home before 3 so I can help my group mates to do the homework in our surgery subject.
After doing all the things that I need to do, I rested for the whole remaining time of the day. I just lie in my bed and think about the past and the history of why did I stop going to church. When I was a child I remember, there was a time that we go to church and after the mass, we go home and my father started to shout at me about simple things I did wrong. And there is also a time that the pastor said that, If we did not go to church every Sunday, the devil won inside of us because we choose not to listen to the word of the lord.
For me, people change and stop going to church because of all the thing that is happening every day. Some people pray for a simple thing like peace but it will not happen, and of course, we don`t know why. Many people stop going to churches because not will change after the mass, everything will stay hard and chaotic once we got home. It will be always the same, whether we go to church or not.
I am not saying that you should stop going to churches, what I am saying is my reason why I stopped. But at night I am always praying in secret and in silence, still hoping that something will change eventually, praying that the peace I wanted will come sooner before I lose all of my power to live.
All Images are from Unsplash
2 Sides
November 20, 2021
What a wonderful life we have on this earth, we have all the things we need if look deeper into every part of it. Our life will provide both happy and sad days, chaotic and organized days. Life is so short to focus on the negative things that our life brings to us in the morning for breakfast. It is up to us where to look and where to focus, we can focus on the part of our life that is stress-free and the part we can see our bright future, or we can look and focus on the part of our life that will bring us stress every day until we breakdown but it is too late to escape it.
Life is so short to do things that we don't want or things we are forced to do. But in reality, sometimes it is afraid to give up something that we hold for too long even we don't want it. that is why many people are stuck in places or careers that they want.
But as time goes by, those people that are stuck will tend to like that thing that they are doing, but when there is a small spark for those things that they really love. They will be awakened and will do whatever it takes to get out of the place they are stuck in.
It is been a while since I posted this king post here on reading. cash. it is been a busy November for me and I have a new hobby with my cousin, that is why I have less time to write a thing like this.
This past week I spend my time cleaning some parts of the house where I and my dog stay a lot. Our house is full of dust because there is no one left here from the morning until night when I am not staying here. My parent spends their time in their business not so far away from this house, but they choose to open the store for the whole day instead of closing it in the afternoon and re-opening afterward.
This house is too small to cater 4 people so I am sleeping in the living room, while my dog stays at the terrace when my parent and younger brother are here, but when they depart going to the store, I will let my dog inside the house for the whole day.
This November me and my cousin are engaged in a new hobby, we are addicted to building mechanical keyboards. It is fun and fulfilling when we are done in the build and modifying our keyboards. It is hard at first to choose what the first keyboard to buy, I buy an Ajazz Ak 33, but I sell it after 4 days because it does not have a backlight. After that, I and my cousin go to SM Bacoor and search for some new keyboards there. He buys a Rakk Lam Ang Pro and I buy a Redragon Fizz.
Both keyboards are how swappable meaning we can change the switches if we want. We can also change the keycaps to make them more personalized. I think buying a keyboard is a good investment especially for me that typing a lot since I am still a student.
As a student, I spend an almost full day sitting here in front of my computer holding a mouse and keyboard so it is a good move for me to upgrade from a membrane type of keyboard to a mechanical type. It is better to use and more responsive, and especially it sounded good, depending on how you build it.
Yesterday we bought a new keyboard and we are about to sell it, we bought one for 1,600-second hand and the seller said that it does not have an issue, but when it arrives the letter O LED is not functioning, we try to talk with the seller but he or she refuses to give us s refund or anything, and she or he barely communicate to us after the payment. So we just let it happen.
All images are form Unsplash
Close Your Eyes
There are good and bad times in our life, sometimes the bad things are much powerful than the good things and sometimes the good thing wins against the bad thing. There are people that always see the good side of everything or every situation and there are many people that always see and look at the bad side of every possible moment. People always differ in these things that is why we are different in undertaking different situations and things in life.
As bad things always happen in our life we tend to look it like it is just normal to come every day. When something is going out of the plan and you can see that the thing you are doing is having a chance of failing, you will just let go because you know that the bad thing will always come. But when all things run and flow according to the plan, we are ted to be shocked and amazed that this kind of thing can happen even you don't look at it.
We can't fight the future because it will happen whatever we do to refuse. We can avoid it for a short period of time, but it will come back around when you did not notice or when you lower your guard. The future is one of the most dangerous things in our life, we don't know if it will keep us alive or it will kill us in an instant. But as humans, we have no choice but to go with it and wait for our future to decide where we are going.
Many people said we can control and we are the captains of our souls, sometimes yes but sometimes no. There are things in this world that we can control, the more we fight it, the more it becomes harsh against us. With this thing that we can't control, we have no choice but to adapt or cope with it. The more we fight it the more we become exhausted and we know at the end of the day, there is only a small chance that we can change the situation, because as I said there are things that we can't control and we have no choice but to adapt and cope with it.
And there are times that we can be the captain of our soul both in a major and minor part of our life. Some of us have the choice to choose what course we will take in college, some don't have that kind of luxury, some can choose what to eat and there are some that can choose if they can eat or not. We have different boats and different seas we take.
But life is overall balanced, it is full of ups and downs, things that we can expect to happen that surprise us in good or bad ways. Life is just what it is, the more we fight or argue with it the more we become stressed and annoyed by what is happening. There is one thing we can do. we can accept that life is just life and whenever bad things happen, we can just close our eyes, take a deep breath do something that will light up the mood, or wait for it to settle down and when it does, it is time for you to make a new move again.
All Images are form Unsplash
The Bird`s Eye
Another nonsense thought flies in my brain and I can`t even construct it properly and clear. Yet I am here sharing this idea with you. I have a brain that can`t re4sat easy when I did not put attention to all the things it thinks over time. The more I try not to pay attention the more my mind become uneasy and crowded with more thought. So here I am typing all the things in my mind with the addition of some storytelling and sharing my opinion about things or a certain topic.
November 12, 2021
Do you wonder what the birds think when they fly above us and see everything we do? What did the bird think when they see us hurting each other or saying nonsense to another person. What if the birds become more intelligent and can whisper all the words we say in the wind. What if the birds are our watchers, waiting for us to notice them or waiting for us to listen?
Every day we can see birds flying over us, they sour high above the skies until our eyes can see them. They witness many things more than us. I wonder what did the birds seen when they are stuck in the middle of a war in World War 1. I`m sure they are scared and don`t know what to do and where to go, just like all the people at that time.
If only the birds can talk, they can solve many problems on the earth, with their great vision I am pretty sure they see many things that we humans did not see. For example, Who is the one that first fires before the beginning of the world war or where did the criminal go. I can feel that they can help us in many ways just like the invention of CCTV.
It is so relaxing when we hear the birds chirping in the morning beside our bright window, we can say it was peaceful when we can only hear is the birds singing and seeing them dancing with the wind. But what if those chipping we hear is the birds chatting or talking about the different birds. We enjoy those bird gossips that we are not supposed to hear.
What if the birds can see and hear the bad thing we do to others, what if there are the watchers? what should we do? Humans do bad things even we said that even there are no people that see them do bad things, there is someone above observing our every move. But still, even we are warned about this, we still try to do and follow those bad Ideas, so what if there is something or someone that watches our every move? what should you do?
I know this idea is nonsense, but it is so fun to think about this thing sometimes. It challenges us to think outside the box and try to do something new when thinking.
When we grow old
When I grow old and wear, when I can`t reach the tip of my feet, I want you to tell a story full of regrets and suffering. When I was young, I have nothing to worry about, I can smile endlessly even bad things happen, I know there is still a tomorrow that will be nice to me. When I was a child all I need to do is go to school and have fun, obey what my parents tell me and everything will be fine. When I was young I can run free in the grassy plain, I can feel the sun kissing my skin as I run and feel the wind in my hair, what a beautiful and relaxing day that was.
I can still remember the feeling when I received my first gift on Christmas, I can still hear the sound of the gift wrap when I opened it. I am so happy that day I still have that toy sitting on the shelf of my collection. Every Christmas is different, I can feel it shift into 2 sides when I am young. I can see the kitchen table filled with food when we have a lot of money, and it is empty when are less fortunate than Christmas. And even in clothes, when we have a lot of money that Christmas, my clothes are always new and when we don`t have money, I have the same clothes. Even our Christmas has 2 sides, I feel happy every time. I can still see that we are so alive that day and we are so thankful.
When vacation, I spend my time helping on the farm with my grandfather. We sell alive cows when I need money for my tuition when I was in high school. I always have fun spending my whole day watching the cows eat in the pasture. While they are eating I can spend my time building my nipa hut where we always stay. When the cows lay in the grass during the afternoon, we can sleep or eat our lunch. After that short time when the cow stays still, the cows will start to move again and we need to chase them. When the cows move we need to follow them, when we did not follow them they will walk faster and faster and they will be out of our site and we will have a hard time tracking them.
It is hard to take care of many cows at once, but it is always fun, when I am in the wild I can feel that I am free and there is nothing much to think about. I can spend my time thing about my life and what should do next. I missed that moment that everything is so simple and pure, I miss those times that there is less to worry about.
But now, everything has changed. I feel constantly afraid, I feel that my time can end at any time, I feel that the time in my hand is quickly draining and I have nothing to prevent it. I feel that many of my memories are fading away, there is something I don`t want to forget but I can`t remember. I hope there is more time for me. I hope that before my time end, I can still call the good thing I have done and all the good people I have influenced.
We all know that many of the stories don`t end according to plan, many of the stories flow so rough that someone needs to die first before the story ends. I hope those are the memories I will forget, the memory of pain when I lose someone, the memory of regret when I did not see them for the last time. The memory of everything bad happens in my life, I hope I forget them all. But we all know that is not possible, we need the bad things in order to appreciate the good things in life, I hope that I learn it earlier.
All Images are from Unsplash
When We were young
When we are young we have the most positive thought, that humans can ever have. We can see tomorrow with pure happiness and joy, and when something bad happens, we just cry in a short time and after that, act like there's nothing that happens and hope for the best again. We did not see how cruel life is, we just think about what we can do later after we go to school, what we can do after we eat, or after we do our homework. Being a child is one of the best times in our life, but when we are at that moment we think everything is boring like nothing new will happen later in the day or tomorrow.
As a Child
As a child we spend our time playing, this is the time before we start school. When I was a child I spend my time playing with my grandfather. We live in a gated area where all our neighbor is our relative. As the years go by, even when I was not a child yet, they start moving out of the area and buying new places to start their family. So when I am a child all the houses around our house are abandoned, and I have no one to play with, that is why I am spending a lot of my time with my grandfather. Even I am alone when I was young I am full of hope and joy, I have a wide imagination to fill in all the free time alone in our house.
Before we go to school we are thought by our parents the basic knowledge in order to survive or do well in school. By this time I have no choice but to obey and my parents happy. By the time we go to school, we will acquire simple knowledge about life, about how different our lives can be with the other kids. Here I can that life is just unfair. I study elementary in a public school and I can see many kids that are less fortunate. I can see those intelligent students struggling to find a way to buy their notebooks. It is sad but it is just the way it is. That is the first lesson I have learned in the study hall.
Life is so unfair, why do others need to suffer while others have so much in their pockets. And as I grow up, day by day I can still observe this king of the way in life. It is just normalized by many people and as time pass I did not notice that I normalized it myself.
A Little old
here I can see and observe well. I can see that many things and events in life are just happening again and again almost every day. I can still see that we are suffering from finding the next food to eat in the next meal, I can still that my parent are not on good terms and I am affected by it. I still see that my father is beating me for every simple mistake that I do.
At this time of my life, I began to lose hope. I began to see the pattern that nothing changes even I change myself. I can still see that many children are suffering in life but it is not their fault.
As I grow old I kind of accept this kind of way that people live their life. The more you observe and think for others the more life will be hard. The more you think and act about the injustice here, the more you become exhausted because whatever act you do nothing will change.
But life is fun, we always look forward to tomorrow and hope everything will change when we close our eyes in the evening and open it in the morning, we always hope that everything will magically change and everything will be alright. I do this all the time when I was young, when all the problems and stress come crushing to me at once, I will just try to sleep it out and hope that everything will change tomorrow. But the obvious result will be nothing will change.
All Images are from Unsplash
In The Market we go
November 9, 2021
I woke up this morning early and a bit in a hurry, my mother is asking if I want to go with her to the bank to watch my younger brother that will be left in the car because kids are still not allowed inside banks. I immediately answer yes because I have nothing to do this morning except for my daily chores at home.
When we arrived at the bank, I and my brother were left in the car to wait for my mother. While we are waiting me and my brother talk about what is happening in his online class this school year, and he answers that it is going great but he is not into online learning settings. My brother is still young to love the idea of going to school in an online setting, before the pandemic and lockdowns started, we have a conversation about him going to school because he is 5 years old and he is the right age. He answers that he wants to go to school and I am the one who will pick him up when the class is over. But when the pandemic and the lockdown started, everything change including the way of learning. So when he enrolled in an online class, my mother is having a hard time teaching my brother because he does not want to listen.
After my mother is done in the bank we headed to her store and help my father. When we arrive there my father already cooks breakfast for us, so I eat there before I go home and do my morning chores.
After I finish my breakfast in the store, I did not go home yet and help them for a while since it is my vacation. Helping the store always reminds me that it is very hard to earn money this day. I can see that my mother`s sales are slowly going down because we are still in a pandemic and many people lose their jobs, some did not lose their jobs but they have very low salaries per month. We can feel it in the store that people are trying to save every piece of their money because life is getting harder every day that we are under this pandemic.
Before the pandemic started, I am helping in the market and the people buy meat from us in many quantities and we can sell a whole pig per day. But since the beginning of the pandemic people begin to save money or they start to budget their money because they did not when will this pandemic will end. But there are still days that the sales are going up, for example, is when it is the end of the month when the people get their payment for the job they do for the whole month. And when there is a holiday or occasion people still buy a lot of food.
It is time for me to go home and do what I need to do. As usual, I feed the pigs and the ducks in the backyard and give my dog a walk outside the house so he can pee or poop. After all that I relax and take a rest for a while.
In the evening I play my guitar while reading lessons about it. It is fun to learn new things every day as a guitar player. This past week, I study the Dorian mode, it is like a sub-type of a scale that is good to the ear. There is something about this scale that want we to learn if every day. I am happy with the result of my practice and I proceed to rest for the night.
All Images are from Unsplash
Driving Again.
November 8, 2021
I woke up early this morning, yesterday my aunt asked me if can drive her for today. She will pick up loam soil in Trece Martirez Cavite in the morning and I agreed to be her driver for today. When I woke up they are not yet ready to depart and the car is still in the garage not so far from our house so I have a small amount of time to do something that will make my day easy when we got back.
While I am waiting for them, I make myself a coffee to boost myself for the day. While I am drinking my coffee I do all the things I can in a small amour of time I have. I feed the native pigs and the duck in the backyard and give my dog a short walk. After that, I ask my aunt again if she is ready to go now, She said yes so I immediately get the car and get going.
Before we leave I asked my younger brother and cousin if they want to join us for today and they both said yes, so I arrange all the things that my brother needs. My brother is still young, his age is 5 years old and he still drinks milk in a milk bottle so I need to ready that so when he becomes hungry on the road, I can Immediately give him milk. It is nice when my cousin is with me on the ride because he can use google Maps properly so we know where we are going.
Before we pick up the soil we headed first to a plant shop in Indang to buy some plants to resell in Naic. My mother loves plants so I bought a few to give her when we come back. It is so relaxing to look at the plants in the shop, It feels so peaceful full and I think I can feel that the plants are happy this morning.
After we pick up the plants, it is time to go to the vendor of the loam soil. The ride to the vendor is a bit rough because of the traffic. It is already afternoon before we arrived at the shop, it is the rush hours in bust areas of Cavite so we have a hard time to drive smoothly in this parts. Many drivers here are so aggressive and they drive so fast so It is better to be careful when you are not a professional driver like me.
When I am driving I like to maintain a slow speed but I change speed depending on the situation. When they are few cars on the road and if it is not rush hour, I am driving so slow and enjoying the moment.
When we arrive in the store and load all the sack of soil in the car and we drove home. It is already late afternoon when we arrived home. As soon as we got home we unload all the sack of soil and they proceed to cook our lunch while I am cleaning the car. After cleaning the car I return it to the garage and rest for a while before I give my dog a nice bath.
This day is so long and tiring but it is so much fun even there are parts of the road that are so stressful because of the aggressive drives in the road. I have a good time chatting with them when we are stuck in traffic or we I am not driving. It`s been a long time since I talk with them because I used to live far from their home. I live in Mendez when I am studying because it is too hard to study here in Naic because the are so many things to do and I can help my help to help them instead of studying, so I choose to live far from here. And in addition, I and my father are not on good terms, that is why I live far from here, but everything is good now and I can stay here now.
All Images are from Unsplash
A Collection of My Thought
November 7, 2021
9:03 PM
We all have thought in our minds that we continually think, thought that can hurt us or give us a boost in life. This kind of thought circles around our head, even we don`t want to think about it, they suddenly pop up and we can stop thinking about it.
And when we have no choice we will start thinking about it over and over again until it consumes us little by little, and before we know it is stock with it.
9:25 PM
We all have a dream that we slowly want to achieve, we always think about it every night before we go to sleep. Even we lose hope and we want to focus on different things we will slowly go back to the things we always want. But in many of us, this is not always the case. Different countries, different settings, and different views about dreams, here in the Philippines, dreams are not important, dream just dreams. You can pursue your dream and your family will approve if they will benefit a lot of money from it. But when they don`t see money, they will not support you and they will force you to focus on different things that will bring them money.
Of course, there are some that will disagree, saying that parents only want what is best for their children. Yes and no, I talk to many people in my life about their dream, some of them end up to places that they don`t even want. many of them give up everything they want in order to support the needs of the family. it is good and bad to do that.
9:27 PM
Tomorrow, what does it mean to you? is this means hope or more suffering? Many of us just wake up and sleep every day not thinking about it, they don`t about it because of many different reasons.
Because they are scared. Even, sometimes I am afraid to think about what the future may bring. I am afraid to see that many people will die before me and I can see those people that are left behind are suffering from the loss. I am afraid to see that the world change so fast and I can`t cope with the change and I will be left on the side starring at the endless abyss.
Some are afraid because they do bad things in the past and they are afraid to see that bad thing in the future hunting them.
All of us live in fear, but some are just know how to handle it and turn it into their strength.
9:34 PM
Still, I have no solid idea to write for the day so I just started to type anything that is in my mind. I think I am not in the mood today that is why I can`t think fast and straight for today`s article. I rarely suffer from this kind of feeling, but when it hits me, it hit so hard and I can`t think about anything.
9:37 PM
I have a productive morning, even I woke up very late I manage to do all the chores before the afternoon. I clean the terrace where my dog stays every day, I clean the backyard, and clean the house. Every time I finished cleaning I will look back and see the parts I have cleaned, I always feel fulfilled and satisfied with the thing I have done.
After cleaning I read some music stuff and try to apply it in my practice and I think it ends up well. I manage to practice for almost 4 hours this afternoon even the temperature in my place is not so good.
All Images are from Unsplash
Every Piece Matter
November 6, 2021
Having a one-day break for all of the things you are doing is one of the best things that vacation can offer. You can skip all the things you don`t want because there are other days to do it when you are on a long vacation. Who does not want to breathe for a while, clean their minds, go outdoors and see beautiful views of mountains or seas?
his moment will be more relaxing and memorable when you are with someone that has the same mind as you. Talking about something that both of you are familiar with and active to talk about is nice. This kind of moment is not always happening in many of us. some of us need to travel long distances to be with the person we want to be, some can`t even go because it is expensive or it is just so far away. So when this kind of thing happens, you must cherish it and we treat it like it is the last.
Last night I have finished all of the activities I need to pass this week before the vacation arrived, so with that, this is the official day that my not-so-long vacation start.
This morning I have nothing planned to do for the whole day and I wake up a bit late. When I get out of bed, I Immediately open my Computer and look for things to do. Every morning my girlfriend woke up first before me, so this morning when I am reading her first message of the day, I have an idea to visit her today and spend the whole day in their house in Batangas.
But when I said it to her, she refuse right away. She does not want me to drive so far to go there because I stop driving for a long time and I have only driven 2 times since I started driving again. So I guess it is time to look for a new thing for today.
After an hour my cousin called me asking If I am home, I answered yes and he said if I want to go out and eat. I answered yes and I propose that we do a short road trip since it is a long vacation, we can enjoy for now and do the thing we need to do later. So we started to hit the road...
We go to the mountain areas near our town since we got out of our town and begin to enter the mountain areas of Cavite, the wind and the feeling changes fast. When we reach the mountain and the part that there are many trees, we slow down a little and appreciate the nature around us. It feels incredible to spend some time outside of our house from our computers. It feels so relaxing even though it is a little bit hot.
In many weeks, I spend a lot of time inside our house. I always want to go the places like this where I can see many trees than people but unfortunately, I am too busy this week because of the exams the activities I need to pass before the 1st week of November ends.
We reach our destination and we stop on the side of the road in front of high mountains and appreciate the masterpiece in front of us. We talk about many things when we stop at the side of the road and we did not notice that it is getting late and we did not even eat our lunch. So we head back to our time, and we eat there.
It is a great day and this never happens a lot because we have a very different schedule. We are both students, but we are not studying we both have other things to do like, helping in the family business and making some music, and sharing it with each other. Because we did not go outside very often, we spend our time helping in the business and studying hoping to graduate one day.
Every piece matter every day sometimes we always overlook many parts of our life and we try to come back at it when it is too late. We take small things like this for granted and we prioritize things that we can do later and we let those one moment pass in exchange for different things. Every piece matter, be smart about what piece to choose to add in your puzzle, I hope you choose and well and you are happy about it.
All Images are from Unsplash
The First Day is Always Boring
November 5, 2021
We all know that sometimes beginnings are boring. The first day is filled with silence and overthinking about almost everything. This is the most anxious day because we don`t know what to expect, we are out of schedule because we don`t know what to do yet, we don`t know the timeline of the day because we don`t know what is about to happen in the next minute or hour. We spend our day observing and observing every detail we can observe until we don`t see something and it will make us more feel scared.
But as the days progress and we become comfortable, we become more relaxed or easy to do everything we can do, sometimes many people become expert to the things they that they can do it even with eye closed. But it is not always the case, many people struggle with the things that they do even they do it for a long time, even they study it, it is still hard for them to do. But I am sure that those peoples are good at other things. And there are other people that can easily learn some things.
I think this is the first day of my vacation, even though I have one more laboratory exercise to do and pass on Sunday afternoon. All of my exams are done, but I think I failed it all. It is okay because it is the first exam for some of the subjects and I have more chances to pass the subjects. And for now, the important part for me is that I learn something from the subject, even though I did not pass.
This morning I woke up very excited because I have nothing to do for school and all my time can be spent on the things that I want to do. Last night I give my office set up a makeover and I turn it to my vacation mode setup. When it is in office mode, I only have my 1 32 inches monitor for good multitasking and my intel 5 10 generation PC. When it is in vacation mode I will add another monitor and PlayStation 4, this setup is good for playing video games and watching movies.
My brother woke me up this morning begging me to bring him to my mother`s store, so I get out of bed prepare my self and let my dog walk for a while so he can pee and poop outside. After all the things that I need to do in the morning, I bring my brother to our mother for the rest of the day.
When we arrive at the store, I help my mother for a while and so she can rest while I am there. It is good to visit the store sometimes to remind myself that life is always hard and it has different faces, it is up to us what face we want to look.
Before the afternoon, I decided to come back home and clean a bit in the house, I cleaned the carpet and wipe out dust in different parts of the house. After I clean the house I decide to do the outside chores like feeding the ducks, chicken, and the native pigs that recently gave birth.
After that I give my dog a bath, since we arrive here, I give him a bath every 3 days because it is so hot here and we are outside in the garage all the time. And when we are in the apartment, it is always cold because we live near Tagaytay City and we are always inside the house so I give him a bath every 1 week. He is still adjusting to the sudden change in temperature.
I spend the rest of the day sitting in front of my computer trying to find things that I love to do, I tried playing video games and watching movies. But every time I am done with one thing I feel bored and I found myself trying to find other things I can do. I hope this feeling lasts for a few days of my vacation, I feel that there are many things I need to do and I am wasting my time playing and watching. But in reality, I have nothing to do, I finish all the things that I need to finish and this is the time for me to rest, but my mind keeps thinking about the things about school.
All Images are from Unsplash
Vacation
November 3, 2021
We all want and need a good break from everything, like study, work, and even parenting. We all want to see the things that we want to see for a long time and it will help us to relieve some of our stress. After long endless months of working or studying we want to go free have a vacation near the beaches or mountains and think nothing about the study and work. It is fun to think about how we can spend time with our loved ones and do things that we want in the time of our vacation.
But we all know before those calm days come, the storm will come first. In schools before the vacation, the teachers will give many activities and paperwork to the student and it must be passed before the vacation. On the day before the vacation, some teachers will send new activities, saying that it is okay to send activities because we have nothing to do in our vacation. With all of these activities, how would the students enjoy their vacation? But it is all okay because it is a part of the studying, and it is fun when we are all done studying and we start working and saving money.
This week is full of stress because of the exam and all the activities that needed to do. Many sleepless nights pass and until now the exams are not yet finished. I have failed many of my exams and I think it is fine because I have learned many things, it is just I can`t focus much in the exam hour. And when I am studying there is always an idea at the back of my head that I can open my notes during the exam and no one will see, but at the time of the exam I can`t open it, I am just too lazy to search for the answers for the question.
This week is one of the most stressful weeks so far this semester, sometimes there 2 to 3 exams in a day this week and sometimes I can`t handle it so I will not study in some of my subjects to prioritize the other subjects, in return I have many failing grades this week. For me it is fine, It`s just I can`t focus during online classes and while I am in the house studying, but when the normal face-to-face classes come back I can go back to school and study hard for some of my failing grades.
All saints day and souls day has passed, it is sad we can`t visit our loved ones in the cemetery due to the Covid-19 protocol. Is the second year that I did not come to visit them, But I think it is okay in most parts, we can just stay home and pray for them and light candles on the altar. In addition, we can visit them all we want after the pandemic, what is important now is how we can end the pandemic immediately so we can all go back to normal.
Now Christmas is coming and we are still in a pandemic, so it means that we can celebrate it in a fun and normal way. It is also the second Christmas that we are not allowed to go outside and travel going to our family in the province or in the city to spend our time with them.
I hope next year will be okay and many people will be vaccinated, I hope more people will cooperate and follow the guidelines to prevent the further spread of the virus.
November is just starting and it starts quite with no issue at all, I hope it will continue until the end of the year so we can rest properly during our vacations.
All Images are from https://unsplash.com/s/photos/vacation
Cleaning the Apartment
November 2, 2021
waking up late is one of the most favorite things to do by many people, who never want an extra hour or minute of sleep, who don`t want to close their eyes for a few more minutes and think about their dream before the stress comes to your mind at once brought by the long day ahead and all the thing you need to do for the day. I think we can all agree about it.
I woke up late this morning and I am alone, I think my parents and my younger brother left the house very early this morning. I can tell because when they left the house late, I will be awakened by their shout, scream, and the sound of my brother when is running all over the house. With all of this, I have a nice start this morning.
Sometimes I missed the silence and the cold in my apartment in Mendez, I can sleep all I want there and I don`t need to open the fan at night and turn it off in the morning. In my apartment, my dog can pee the Comfort room and I am okay with it, while here, he can't pee or poop in the house and I need to walk him out so he can do his thing and when he is done will come back inside.
I am still in my bed when my auntie called me and ask If I want to come with them to pick up some loam soil for the garden. I say yes and ask if they can drop me in my apartment and pick me up after they get the garden soil, and she said yes to it.
We wait for the car to arrive because my grandfather is using it together with my grandmother and they are out in the market to buy some groceries for their mini store in front of their house. While we are waiting I decided to clean the house and play with my dog before I take a bath.
I am thinking of deep cleaning the house, my mother loves to clean the house every day when I and my sister is little, but now my mother doesn`t have a lot of time in a day to clean the house. Since I came home I can see that almost all the things here are dusty and some of the appliances are not working but they are not getting rid of it our fixing it. But for now, I can`t clean the house because I have many things to do, I have 4 examinations left before the sem break. I feel so tired of continuously studying for almost a week, waking up like 8 in the morning, sitting in front of the computer until 1 or 2 in the next morning. At first, it is okay but in the long run, it is exhausting and my eyes start to hurt.
When the car arrived we immediately depart, in the way to the apartment we just are just laughing at every story we tell. We think about all the things that happen before the pandemic and we discuss it the pandemic will possibly stop. We all have a good time talking to each other while we are driving to the apartment. This is one of the things that I missed before the pandemic start the long road trip and while on the journey we are talking to each other and appreciating the nature around us.
when we arrive at my apartment I immediately do all the things I need to do like, defrosting the refrigerator, picking all the things I need to bring back home like some clothes, gadgets, and my surgery kit for practicing some suture patterns.
After doing all we hit the road and start to drive back home. This is a nice day for me and I hope for you too. Going out sometimes having a nice breath of good air will looking to and appreciating the view of some mountains.
I hope the pandemic ends soon and we all go back to normal, enjoying every moment we can get both indoor and outdoor. It is stressful to be confined inside the house for too long. Everyone needs to have a da with no work and the only thing they must do and rest and start appreciating nature again.
All Images are from Unsplash
62 Days left
October 31, 2021
The end of October has come, there are many things that happen to me. Moments that both make me smile and cry a little bit. Times that challenge if I can continue going forward or should I stop a while or should I stop completely. Every end of the month is another end of a chapter in our year, whether we win or lose this month, even we don`t want it to end yet, it will end no matter what.
October is an amazing month, many things happen and I feel that it is all going according to plan. This October I decided to go home and spend the holiday here at my parent`s house. Since the begging me and my father can`t of accordingly so I never want to go home always, I want to stay alone in my apartment far from here.
But this October I tried again to go home and spend some quality time here and I think I made the right choice. By the time I came back home, everything run so smoothly, and coming back hope help me a lot, both mentally and financially. In the modern world, every run fast including the price of all the things we need for everyday life like food, electricity, and water. When I live alone, even though my mother gives me some money sometimes, there are times that the money that my mother gave is not enough to pay many of my bills. In addition, I can back here to spend time with my brother, before I go home my parents and my young brother visited me in my apartment, and that day since the morning I was thinking of going home her but I don`t know why. On that same day, I want to go home but I have no car and exactly that day my parents arrive so I take the chance to make a good vacation.
So I can back home here, Spending almost all of my time in front of the computer going laboratory activities every day and the hardest part of it is I don`t love what I am doing so I feel so tired every time even I study in a short period of time.
going home after 3 months is fun, eating a lot of food and chatting with the people that live near our house. Not so far away, this house will be turned into a bridge and they said that before 2023 the land will be the bridge and we need to go somewhere else. my mother immediately buys so house and we are waiting until it is safe to live there.
I am getting old and it is hard to ask for money from my parents so I need to earn some money to live on my own. I feel living with my parents is very good and comfortable, all that thing we need is free, but I am starting to think that it is time to live in my own paying for my own expenses with my own money. for sure it will never be easy to live like that, but I think it is normal and common here in our country
Every end of the month is special to me and I am always excited about it, there are several reasons. First, it is the months of me and my girlfriend, Ever seen we got together there is something I am looking at the end of the month. I am so happy with my current relation now, but there are times that life challenges us both I still lay low and never talk back when she is angry, I let her express what she wants. And when she said all the things she want to say she will be quiet and at the end of the day realize that she is wrong and she is so rude about everything she said.
Every month is different and it will bring us a different lessons and knowledge about everything, we can be whatever we want in the next month, we can do all thing that we want next month< always hope for a better month ahead even you are in a better hand.
All Images are from Unsplash
30 Million Pound of Plastic
October 30, 2021
Can you imagine not using a single plastic bag for a day? Can you survive not using a plastic bag for a year? can you become creative and find ways to not use plastic bags, bottles, and other single-use plastics? Can you make a solution to reduce plastic waste in the world or even in your community?
Today the world is suffering from plastic pollution for many years and people become less and less aware of it. The use of single-use plastic is becoming more popular as the modern world progress, it is sad but it is true. Many manufacturers use plastic more than needed in their packaging, they do this because the customer thinks that it is more safe and genuine if it is covered in many plastics.
The younger generation knows nothing about what is really happening in the world, many of them only know staying at home in front of their phones all day. And it is sad to say that some of the older generations don`t care much about the environment, they are busy doing their things, earning money to survive and other things.
And there is media manipulation, the internet showing you news and videos that everything is okay and fine, you will never see a video of a strangled turtle on an everyday basis? right? or a marine animal die due to plastic pollution? But do you know that more than 100,000 marine animals die a year because of plastic pollution?
We are so caught in the game of modernizing the world and yet we forget one of the most important parts of it. We can`t modernize it when it is destroyed one day. Remember that there is only one earth in our solar system, many companies putting billions of dollars to inhabit Mars while we can use that money to rebuild the earth, right? I think it will be much easy to fix what we destroy on earth than transforming Mars into a habitable place. Don`t get me wrong, space expedition is good and cool, but there are problems that need to be solved right now.
This morning I watched a video of Mr. Beast, he and his team are raising funds forming a nonprofit organization called the Team Seas. Last year they did the same things they raise funds to plant more than 20 million trees and it is keep on going. Many people like this act and support the campaign, through the internet many people see the video and start to donate and spread awareness on what is really happening.
Now Mr. Beast and his are doing it again and their target is to get rid of 30 million plastic in our oceans. There are still people that care, until there is someone putting effort whether big or small, there is still hope that the world can become healthy again.
There are many things to help to clean our ocean, now start to recycle, use eco-bags, the one that you can use many times as possible. Use recyclable materials in your home and start separating those recycle and nonrecyclable so it will be easy for the landfill to organize the waste. spread awareness to your community, launch seminars and activities involving people of different ages. Participate in different campaigns about preserving our earth and making it a better place to live for more years.
We only have one earth we can live and call our home, we can`t find another place like this. We can act now and start to be more active and aware of what is happening around us what is important. If you think you are alone in this mission, you are wrong. There are still many people that care to save the world, you just need to search deeper to find those people.
All Images are from Unsplash
What a Good day
October 29, 2021
In life, there are different kinds of situations that challenge us in our day-to-day life. Some of them are hard and some of them are easy to handle and pass, but some of them take us days or years to overcome and completely win it. in our constantly changing life, we can`t expect to be always at the top or to always win and take whatever we want. Even the best sometimes fail at the things they are good at, they fail unexpectedly and when it happens it is hard for them to come back on the path.
We often forget that life is just life, full of ups and downs, full of the thing that will put us in a very unexpected and uncomfortable moment until we break or fight and win it. We are so coughing about the bad side of life that we forget that there are different sides to it. We curse at life not knowing what will happen to the future, will the future become in favor of you or it will bite you and eat you whole.
The more we become challenged in life, the more we become strong and wise, the more we become ready for tomorrow that we don`t what might bring. Some of people become more focused when they fail or they are a challenge, it can be a good and a bad thing. It is kind of normal or common that if one person is defeated or lose, he or she will never stop until he wins and get his revenge. And there are some that are challenged by the failure and work hard to be better themselves and be one of the best.
Morning
What a great morning for me, the weather is fine, not so cold or hot, and the sunshine too calmly or gently. I woke up with my younger brother beside me saying that he want to go to our mother, who's currently working in the market she helped build. I don`t want my brother to go there and spend his day outside, first, we are still in the pandemic and my brother doesn't want to wear a face mask when he goes outside, and second, the way his playmate talks is bad and my brother learn it pretty quickly, that is why I don`t want him outside. But I know that he will never stop asking me to go to the market, so we go to the market.
Once we arrived, there are only a few people buying things in the market and I know it is a bad sign for our business. since the pandemic hits the income of the store drops because many people lose their jobs and many people still can`t go outside because they are scared. I think many of the small business here in the Philippines feels the same way, people tend to save a lot and don`t spend a lot of money.
Before the afternoon hits, I want to come home but my grandparents stop by in the market and we chat a little, it is almost a week since I last see them because of my busy schedule. I know they understand the reason why I am not visiting them more often.
After we chatted we decided to come home and rest. Immediately after I have arrived, I make the food for my dog to eat. My dog become so picky since we come home, he doesn`t eat much dog food, the only thing that he wants is to go outside and play in the garage. I feel happy when he runs around the area and the way he snips makes me happy about his curiosity.
After I did all the things that I need and I want to do, I go back to the market and help my mother to sell some meat. It is fun staying there because there are a lot of people talking and about something. The market is one of the most stressful parts of the community with all the noises and business around, but give it time and it will be the happiest part of the community in no time.
All Images are from Unsplashed
What`s Your Story?
October 28, 2021
Do you ever what is the story behind every person we meet, that person that we meet like for only a short period of time, that person that did not make a big impact of influence in our life, or even that person that we like and we spend many hours with them. Do you ever wonder what is happening inside their head, what they really think about you, and how are they feeling when we said a word that might hurt them?
Many people become who they are because of their past, because of their environment, and many other reasons. People are easily influenced by the people around them, they might not notice it themself but other people can. Sometimes other people can say who you are based on the people you are hanging with most of the time because they influence almost the majority of your characteristics.
And now, in the modern world, we are more influenced by what we see on the internet or in the news. With almost infinite things to see and things to read online, we don`t notice but it somehow changes our mind, changes our way of living the day, and changes the way we attack or handle our problems.
With much fake news and false teaching online, many children are at risk to learn new things that they should not know or things that they are too young to understand but they do it anyway because they see it is fun.
A great example is how many people are influenced to vote for this candidate because of the articles and news about this candidate. Many people use the social media platforms like Facebook and Youtube to spread the things they believe and hope those other people will see and agree with them. Many people just believe what they see online and never fact-check it, and when the time comes that information will be passed to the other person and the fake news will spread.
The way we live our life is the product of how our past lives affect us emotionally, mentally, and physically. Wen can`t have this kind of thing in our life, people will notice it and as a response, we will hide it deep in our mind and hope nobody will see it.
That introduction and too long to be a good introduction about my day. That intro is the thoughts floating inside my brain since this morning and it is killing me. I am asking myself what is the story of many people I know, do I need to know it to be called a good friend?
Morning
I have an exam today in one of my major subjects, I feel nervous about it because I did not study even a small part of it. This past day I am so busy with all the activities to be passed this week. This activity is too long and to be done in just one day, I tried to finish it in one day but I failed, my head start to ache and I take a rest every hour.
Exam
The exam did not well until the end, I think I have no correct answer and I just let it happen, it is an online exam and I have a choice to open my notes or google the answer but I did not do it. I just let the exam fail and next time I will study hard and pass the test.
Today is my Dog`s Birthday
Today my dog turns 2 years old, He is an American Bulldog. He is the cutest and most clingy dog I have ever seen. Since I purchased him, he sleep with me in the bed, the only night we did not sleep together is when I am sent to the hospital for surgery. He become my best friend and roommate for 2 years, even he is so annoying sometimes because he chews on everything I still loved him with all of my heart and it will never change.
All Images are from Unsplash
What an Incredible Night
October 26, 2021
There are times that we smile a lot and it hurts our cheek, a smile so true that it will never wear off when we are in the moment with the people we want, people that we care about, people that we love. Especially when we have never seen a friend for a long time and finally you and your friend meet again, there are new and old stories that you will talk about and the conversation will last for hours and hours until you did not notice that it is getting late. The conversation is so fun you did not notice what you see the whole time and your cheeks are in fatigue from too much smiling.
What a good time it is when these things happen, talking to the person you want that shares the same idea as you. Talk about a topic that will last a night because you both love the idea.
Going back to all days when I and my friend are on the rooftop of our apartment drinking beer and sharing our thought about life. Making promises to ourselves and talking about what we want to in our future. Those days are gold when they come back to my head.
I and my friend go on our separate way when I change apartments and last night we talk after almost 2 years of not talking and seeing each other. We still remember all the things that we talk about in the day we are drunk on the roof top. We still remember the promise that when one of us dies, the other one will go to the funeral of the other wearing a women's gown. What a good old day for us, just full of happiness and thinking everything is so simple.
It still brings a smile to my face when I remember those days, If I can only go back time and talk to myself that doesn`t take time for granted because it will slip away from our hands like sand that even we hold so tight it will fall out of our hands.
Those days will never be forgotten and they will serve as a great lesson for me. The story we hide inside every bottle of beers that we drink almost every day will remain in our minds and in the bottle.
Time, every people look at it differently. Man people look fear it, many others are happy with it and there are some that are excited about what will happen for the next 24 or 48 hours. For me I look at time with fear and excitement, fear because I always think that what if my time end later or tomorrow. And if it ends, I feel that I did not do all of the things that I want, and there are so many things left to do. I fear time because when it ends and it's time for me to go, where would I go? to heaven or hell? or it is just absolute darkness and emptiness?
At the same time, I look at time with excitement, I want to know what would happen to me for 5 years or 10 years in time. I want to know I will be a doctor or an artist, I want to know if I can fulfill all my promises for myself and others, I want to know if the day that all my dreams will come true and I live happily with my love and my dog. I want to know it all...
Time is time and I think we know that it is running fast, it's up to us how we cope or chase the change with it. Time Is Time
All Images are from Unsplash
A Rainy Day
October 25, 2021
There is something special in the rain, the sound of it when it hits the roof and the way it hits the water in the ground and splashes gently. There is something relaxing with it, the way that the wind turns cold when the first drop of rain fall, the way the wind suddenly becomes strong and the trees start to dance with it. For many rain is a blessing, giving life in the dry land, giving water to many people around the world. Rain is a sign of the end of the drought, watering plants makes the trees go green, and the dry field becomes green full of grass, flowers, and the life of many animals.
But rain can give bad things as well, for people like me it is okay to rain even for a long period of time. But there are other people living in the streets getting wet when it rains. They have nowhere to go to let the rain pass, there have no dry clothes after the rain stop.
Rain can turn into a storm in a matter of days or weeks, sometimes it can be so destructive bringing floods requiring many people to leave their homes and let the storm pass. But most of the time floods are caused by humans, right? Irresistible throwing of garbage to the river, over deforestation and illegal logging, until flood turn to a landslide which is more destructive.
The storm is like a problem in life, we can let it pass to make it easy for us, or we can continue our journey while fighting against the storm. Those two decisions will make a great impact on our lives and will determine how strong we are. The way we let the storm pass is one of the safest ways, we focus on surviving while waiting for the right time to continue our journey. While continuing the journey against the storm is one of the dangerous ways to continue our life, it may cause us everything and it can make the problem even bigger. But when we pass the storm or the problem, that will make us, even more, stronger and more ready for the next one.
Morning
This morning I woke up around 8:00, it is cold and I can feel it`s about to rain. In the past 4 or 5 days I am living here with my parents it is always hot, the sun is burning even early in the morning while I am walking my dog, but in the night it becomes calmer and the temperature drops.
The rain starts to fall the weather becomes cold and it is a great day to take a rest watching some movies while drinking coffee lying in bed, but it is Monday. This is one of the busiest days of the week, collecting all the things you must do for the whole week, like essays, laboratory activities, and many more. In addition, this day is stressful because I have an exam at 6 PM and I am not into studying these days.
the rain continues to fall for many hours nonstop, I become sleepy while reading the reviewer that our professor gave to us. It is the first exam for this subject and I need to pass this one for a better semester, when I pass the first exam I can have a relaxed semester because I will not chase high scores next exam. But I am not confident about this exam, It is more in computation which I am not good at.
Studying for this exam will be even harder because I am the one taking care of my younger brother and he talks every time and always wanted that there is some play with him, but it is fun when he wants to play with me and tiring at the same time.
It is nice to share my time with my family again but there is a downside to it. I want a quiet place but my mother as a Filipina, always shouts, and it is irritating sometimes.
All Images are from Unsplash
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