I wasted her

We are almost three years now with Zia.

We knew each other from RPW.

We are far from each other.

He is from Manila and I am from Gensan.

For three years we are fighting for what they called LDR.

Because we have work.

As times goes by our trust to each other became strong we constantly chatting and even video calls.

Zia is beautiful and I can't really deny that.

Now that we're determined to meet up, I'm a bit nervous but I'm still feeling happy and excitement.

2:30 PM

When I got down from the airplane I immediately went to the coffee shop we will meet up.

So when I got into the exact coffee shop I immediately searched for her.

Then I saw her at the side of the wall waiting for me.

“Nah! Let's say no more google, Cause when I saw her, the search was over ” I whispered and I immediately approached her.

"Zia?"I called her and she immediately stood up and embraced me

“Reyster” when she hugged me I didn't feel the feelings when she hugged me virtually.

Especially when we have heart to heart talk.

I don't really feel that way.

Her presence was different in person and in her chats.

Zia is boring in person.

After that meet up I'm in an apartment in Manila lying down.

And it's been three days after that happened.

While watching the news my phone suddenly rung.

A call from unknown number,

"Hello good moring Reyster speaking—"

“This is Zia's cousin. I just want to inform you that Zia had an accident last night and exactly at 7:30 she lost her life. Zia is dead."

ZIA IS DEAD?

I couldn't answer and I was quiet.

I don't know if I will cry or not from what I just heard.

“I’ll send you the address for you to see her.” She continued speaking and ended our conversation.

"Zia is dead?"

Hours passed and I received the address.

And just before nightfall, I just found myself on Zia's grave.

I felt so empty.

I’m such a bad boyfriend because I couldn’t even drop tears knowing my girlfriend died.

I couldn't even have the time to mourn.

"Do you love her?" A woman suddenly asked me.

I do.

I love Zia, I’m just not used to her in person.

I nodded in response and asked her.

“Who are you?”

“Ella, I’m the one who called you. I saw your number on Zia’s phone ” She replied.

Ella was pretty but Zia was even better.

When she held me in my arm and made me sat down I felt an unexplained feeling.

Feeling that I felt when I still didn’t meet Zia.

When Zia was buried I was restless.

It was as if someone was telling me to contact Ella.

So I ended up texting her.

And weeks after we met up on the place where Zia and I met.

I know it was disrespectful.

My girlfriend just died and I got meet up with other.

And to her cousin.

We talked heart to heart and I could tell she was different.

Because I felt from her the presence I was looking for in Zia before.

We constantly meet up to the point I courted her.

How badass I am.

Zia's just died and not a year had passed yet here I am looking for someone else.

Three had passed.

We're happy, Ella and I are so happy not until I realized I'm doing something wrong.

I loved her wrong and did wrong.

So I decided to break up with Ella so, I did.

I let her go...

“Don't you love me anymore?”

“I love you Ella but this is wrong. Very wrong ”

At the short period of time staying in Manila I made a lot of mistakes.

I crossed the line, Zia was my purpose here but I am dating her cousin.

“I’m sorry, I’m going back to Gensan. I love you but I felt guilty of what I did to Zia. I love Zia too but I love you more than her which is wrong.”

She was crying for my words and I was crying for my conscience and my love to her.

I thought that was the last pain I could give to Ella.

When I returned to Gensan three years after that break up, I received a weeding invitation card from Ella.

But when I opened It, it was not an invitation card inside the envelope, it was a letter from Ella.

“You’re surprised? The cover is for my upcoming weeding but the inside of it is not. Thank you for letting me go because I found the man who is willing to fight me with fears and without fears. But before I get married I just want you to know a secret. I'm your girlfriend since before in RPW I just used Zia’s face and voice. She agreed as long as I told you the truth when I have time. I used her because she's pretty. So you won’t be disappointed. I'm fine but Zia is better. When we broke up I intend to admit you the truth. But you insist that I should shut up, then you left me. Thank you for insisting that too because I found Kian, and I want you to know that I'm happy with my life. Hope you do too. I don't regret everything so I won't regret it either. Be happy Reyster.”

From: Ella

Be happy?

I immediately wipe the tears falling from my eyes.

How could I not repent? I hold that person I have long wanted to see and be with.

I held her, but I let her go.

~ END