What Is It Like Being A Mistress?

The moment that I've found out that he is a married man, I am so in love with him that I can no longer walk away. I am not a bad person, I just fell in love - Jenny

Mistress is defined as a woman having an extramarital sexual relationship, especially with a married man. They are also called a homewrecker, plaque on society, bitch, slut. But have you met one?

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True Story

This story is about a friend who I met a long time ago. I will hide her identity by the name Jenny. Jenny is pretty and in her prime. She is a jolly person, always had a smile on her face, revealing her cute dimples on both cheeks. We were at the same age when I met her and we get along easily. She told me that he had a boyfriend who was much older than her, the guy was 27 and she was 19. His name is Anthony(not his real name).

My first impression of Anthony was he's a playboy. He is a total definition of tall, dark, and handsome. No wonder my friend was so into him.

Anthony was very sweet to Jenny. He brought her flowers and chocolates. They always go on dates and sometimes I am their chaperone. They would sometimes spend a night in my apartment while I am at work. That is fine with me since Jenny is a good friend of mine. They were happy and I can see that Anthony loves my friend.

After spending time with Anthony, I can sense that he was hiding something. But I keep it to myself because that was all speculation and I don't want to ruin their relationship.

Then one day, Jenny went to my apartment crying. She said that she's expecting. I told her not to worry because I know that Anthony would take responsibility for what he did. Then she told me a piece of very shocking news, that Anthony is a married man! I was like, what the fuck! I asked her when did she find out? She did not respond to that, all she said was...

The moment that I've found out that he is a married man, I am so in love with him that I can no longer walk away. I am not a bad person, I just fell in love.

So we asked Anthony to come over to my apartment. I let them talk first. To sort things out. Then when I get the chance to talk to him, I asked, "Why did you do that? Have you no conscience?

He just lowers his head and said," I love her, and that is all I know."

I don't know what to think back then. All I wanted was to help Jenny with her pregnancy. I let Jenny stay in my apartment and Anthony visits her daily and tends to her needs.

But Anthony's wife found out about his husband's affair and went to my apartment. In all fairness to his wife, she did not make a scene. They talked for an hour in the room while I was in the sala. I could hear Jenny crying. Then after an hour or two, Anthony's wife went home.

Jenny and Anthony told me that they would keep the baby. And that he would support them both. But Jenny decided to let go of him and go back home. I was happy with her decision but I feel sad for Jenny. I pitied her.

After Jenny went home, I got busy with my own life, and we hardly see each other. She would call me sometimes but that was it. Then I've learned that she had a miscarriage. It was saddening news for me because I promised to be her child's godmother. I guess it was destined to happen.

Jenny is a good woman, That's all I could say, I am not siding her and okay with the fact that she is a mistress. But it's her decision and I know that in her heart, she doesn't want to be a mistress.

Let's be clear, there's never a good excuse for engaging in an affair with someone married. But it does happen, a lot.

I know this is a hot issue, and I realize many wives who have been the victim of a cheating husband, including myself, I was once been cheated on, may have raw wounds on this subject. I'm hoping to shed some light on a human level as to what it can actually be like to be "the mistress."

1. Jenny feels guilty.

Yes, believe it or not, she feels guilty and I guess many mistresses do feel guilty too. She does feel guilty when Anthony chooses to spend time with her on a weekend, which is supposed to be family time for Anthony's family. She does feel guilty when she hears other people talk about cheating husbands. She does feel guilty when we watch movies or dramas about adultery, so we end up watching Tom and Jerry.

Guilt is a permanent ghost that accompanies a mistress throughout the entire affair and afterward.

Many mistresses are unaware that their lover is married. Many men go to great lengths to hide the fact that they are married. Bottom line, unless a woman is a sociopath, she feels guilty for crossing the line just like any normal human being would.

• Jenny never planned on being a mistress.

Every adult is accountable for their actions. Of that, there is no doubt. Unfortunately, sometimes circumstances and poor decisions can lead to affairs. In Jenny's case, she was already so in love with Anthony when she found out that he is married. In addition to that, she was pregnant. For her, It was too late to back out.

There are indeed women out there who don't have a problem dating married men and seem to have little regret about it but generally speaking, that is not usually the case.

• Jenny gets jealous.

If a woman has become a mistress and she knows that her lover is married, then most certainly she feels jealous. Jenny feels jealous every time Anthony walks out the door because she knows that he is going home to his wife. She knows that her precious Anthony has another life at his home which she will never be a part of.

There's no doubt that Jenny feels envious that Anthony's relationship with his wife is not a secret to the world like hers most likely is. One thing that any mistresses out there crave more than anything is validation that their relationship with their lover is real.

• Jenny fell in love with the wrong person.

Falling for the wrong person happens to all of us. It happens to single people in the dating world. Like Jenny told me, she is not a bad person, she just fell in love. And who am I to judge her?

Most likely, a woman who is a mistress already knows she has made a huge mistake and only stays in the affair because she thinks her lover wants to be with her.

• Jenny believes there's a future between them.

She would often tell me that they already had plans for their future. That they would live in a nice place together with their child. That they would stay together, no matter what. That Anthony promised her that they would have a good life. And I would just simply listen to her, but at the back of my mind, I know for a fact that it won't happen.

It's fairly common for a cheating husband to tell his mistress that he is miserable in his marriage and wants to get out. This may or may not be true but whether or not he does get out of the marriage, is another thing.

Jenny has already placed herself in a vulnerable position so if she is in love with Anthony, she will make excuses for him and probably suffers from deep denial.

Hanging on to an affair in hopes that a man will leave his wife is something many mistresses do and if there are years that pass by, she becomes more invested in the relationship and also more comfortable within the lie. The affair becomes normal.

Being a mistress is not glamorous. An affair may start out as a thrilling, romantic whirlwind, but it almost always ends up being an intensely disheartening situation filled with guilt and shame.

Just to be clear again, I am not siding mistresses. These are just my observations and opinions of having a friend who was once a mistress. Thank you!