Parenting is probably one of the greatest challenges in the entire world. And, there are some challenges that sometimes come up we're parenting especially with teens. But before we go to the real content of this article, I really want to establish the importance of our job as parents. If iI were to ask about my job as a parent, I would say that it is my job to teach them, correct principles, it is my job to steer them or guide them, in a way that they can become a productive citizens. Or to have healthy happy fulfilling lives. But this all could be summarized to one concept. That is, our job as a parent, is t love them. No matter what and even if. Sometimes we have to plat the little game, the even if game. So, will I love my kid if they flunk out of school? Will I love them even if they disobey me? Will I love them even if they break the law? Answer all this question and get solid on that. Our job is to love them no matter what and even if.
Have uou noticed that as you start to pick up on your parenting skills and then suddenly your kids change the rules on you because they became teenagers. Teenagers are kind of a unique animal. And so, here are 5 tips for us on positive parenting for teenagers.
Understand control and maturity
This is so important because when we give our teenagers too much control before they have the maturity to handle it, it is a recipe for disaster for them and you. And on the other hand, if you withhold control when they are actually ready to receive it, they become resentful and angry. Anybody know an angry teenager? Well, usually it is because of the control and maturity. There are 3 stages of moral maturity.
Stage 1 - the least mature, is where we're selfish and self-centered and demanding and manipulative.
Stage 2 - at stage 2 is where we move from fighting to cooperating. We don't want any trouble, we want to keep the peace. And so, we will negotiate and work with people. When your teenager moves from stage 1 to stage2, you as a parnet back off and allow them to have more control because now they're morally prepared and mature enough to actually do that.
Stage 3 - is the sweet stage, because at stage 3 they have responsibility, and they take initiative to take care of things. They see what needs to be done and they do it. So as a parent we need to be extra sensitive when we're working with teenagers as to what stage they're on. Be aware that they may change stages during the same conversation, they might be on stage 2 and then they start fighting with you and be uncooperative and they have gone back to stage 1.
Keep a positive perspective
There is a lot of adventures waiting for you as a parent teens. I think that has to do with however you frame this thing. So, keep in mind that what you're experiencing here is an adventure. And that helps you to show up better in your parenting. It will also have an impact on your teenager. During this time of adventure, your child is developing at amazing rate. In a lot different ways.
Convey liking and enjoyment
Teenagers are very sensitive to this need-to-fit-in. This is why junior high is kind a brutal, right? Because they're constantly looking around, "Oh, how do I fit in, do people like me?" To like them, put you in a very select category. And it gives you influence that you can't have it any other way as a parent. So, when we say convey, liking and enjoyment, you find a way in your own heart and mind to enjoy your teenager. To sincerely like them and communicate that to them. This isn't always easy, but if we stay clear about the fact that we're talking about teenager, this isn't you, you know there are so many fun things about teenagers. When you sit back and really enjoy them for who they are, realizing that this isn't going to be them as an adult. It might be hard to enjoy an adult acting like a teenager. But go ahead and enjoy your teenager. Enjoy the ride while you're there. It's a turbulent ride from time to time. Convey the enjoyment and the liking. you let them know that you like them.
As a parent, you love them. You already have that down, but conveying the liking requires some specialized skills and intention. So, keep that in mind, keep that present in your mind as you're interacting with them. especially realizing that teenagers probably aren't going to reciprocate that as quickly.
Do do-overs
Sometimes they just look at you like you're crazy walk away. But sometimes they respond really well. They say, "You know , I wish I would have done this different." I think you show a lot of things when you show do-overs. You show it's okay to make mistakes, you can fix your mistakes, own-up to our mistakes and step forward. And then not... That it's okay, and then adults make mistakes. I think it's okay to show that adults make mistakes. This helps to train them for a real world principle. That as they grow up, it's not like they hit some point and suddenly they have everything all together. Well, and teens are so afraid of failure. They are so afraid of looking dumb or anything. That is just so present in their mind. And so, to show that you can make a mistake, you can ask for a do-over and you can change is really powerful.
Honor their experience and intelligence
Teenagers are kind of like a baby adult in a lot of ways. They're just at the early stages of taking control of their life. Think of them as a baby adult, they are not quite an adult yet but they are taking control over their life. Your child's view of the world, their understanding of what is going on in the world around them is better now than it ever has been. Your teenager has wisdom and knowledge and experience that is absolutely appropriate for their stage of development. And it is better than it's ever been. For you to honor that, put you in a hero position with your teenager. As you acknowledge to them, you really understand some things now that you'd never even thought about before. And then it puts you in a position of a consultant more than someone who's trying to tell them what to do. One thing with teenagers to think about with honoring them is that the feelings, the emotions that they're having, the experiences that they're going through are very real to them. It's as real as it is to you at any stage i your life. And I think it is so important to remember their feelings of love or loss or embarrassment are huge to them. They are as real to them as they are to anybody. Let us realize that our kidds' feelings matter. Their feelings are real. Honor their experiences in life.
Final thought
As a parent, we must love our children no matter what and even if. Accept their flaws, let them accept it and guide them to make that flaws their strength. Respect them.
