Am I A Good Mother?

I was inspired to write this article after seeing/reading @carisdaneym2 short posts and article which was posted last night. It was about her resentment with her mother (it is just my presumption though).

After reading it, I questioned myself, " Am I a good mother?"

I got pregnant at the age of 22. Most of my friends told me if I was ready to become a mommy already because, for them, I was too young to conceive. But I know in my heart that I am physically and mentally ready. We've been waiting for this for so long so I am really happy.

I am a hands on mother. I personally attend to my daughter's needs. From her first bath until now that she's 18. I remember the time I was bathing her for the first time, I was trembling. I was afraid that I would make a mistake and would drown her. There were also times that I would cry if she's sick because I thought that she would die. So I could say that I know my daughter very well, even the smell of her fart, Lol! I know her well, very well that I could sense if something is wrong or something is bothering her.

I know her circle of friends, by "circle of friends" what I mean is her classmates or school friends. She's with them from grade 7 until now. There was a time that I know something is bothering my daughter. She doesn't go out with her friends anymore. She's not on her phone talking to her friends which is very odd for me because she always talks to them every day. So I asked her if she has a problem in school or with her friends, she told me that I have nothing to worry about. That her friends were just busy with their life as well. So I thought maybe I was just over thinking and worrying over nothing. But every day, she seems sad, and she had new sets of friends. So I secretly send a message to her friends, asking them to spare some time for me. I wanted to talk to them regarding my daughter.

I met her friends at the mall, I can sense that they were not comfortable seeing me. I asked them directly if something is wrong with my daughter, or if they knew something about it. They told me that, they were not friends with my daughter anymore because according to them my daughter was like this and like that(I won't go on the details). That she sometimes go overboard when teasing them. I know my daughter and she's not like that. So I asked them that from where did they get that nonsense talk, they told me that from their new classmates who is very eager to be part of their group. I know the girl because she had been to our house before. I got mad and told them that if they were really her friends, they would believe my daughter and not someone new to their group. I immediately went home and talk my daughter about it.

We were both crying when I confronted her about it. I told her that if she only has told me everything, she won't be sad for long. She told me that she doesn't want me to worry. After that, I created a group chat and invited each one of her friends and threatened them, like literally. That if they would bully my daughter or hit her, they can never set foot to any schools in Capiz. This happened when she's grade 10.

I maybe went overboard when I threatened them but I am a mother, I don't want my daughter to get hurt. I am her shield, her protector, and her guide to a better path of life.

I know that I am not close to being a good mother, I have many shortcomings but I am doing my best to become one. And I also believe that there is no bad mother, only bad circumstances.