Self Pity Article of The Day 😂

Early this year I accepted a job because I was told I could travel abroad for free. As an international property sales agent one of the perks when you hit the quota is to be deployed to certain countries. It has never been my dream to go outside the country this way but hey it's not bad if it happens right?

Now it's almost the middle of November but I don't think it would happen at all. 😂 Remember I wrote about it in July? Well as of now it still hasn't happened.

Last month I did several last ditch attempts and went the traditional route. But now still nothing came out of it. Might as well give up and try again next year eh? 😅

I thought my dream of finally selling 10 properties even within a year would happen. Alas, certain issues arose and problems ensued thus I lost my drive to work hard for it.

If you think selling lots of properties is easy, think again. Perhaps for those who have a big or wide social network and are considered a lucky person it would work. Unfortunately for most individuals, it's still a dream.

I've experienced several ways on how to get buyers and each time is different. Actually learned 3 techniques over the years.

Perhaps I can consider doing each one by one so I will finally start selling many properties. I can even combine all ways but I still can't commit myself to it fully. 😅 It's not that easy to do, especially if you try doing it everyday.

Doing just one takes a lot of effort, and I think about combining three everyday? Oh no wonder only a few people become really successful in life. 😂

No it's not anything bad, nor is any of them physically heavy work but just something practical. Don't know why but I find each hard to do whenever I try doing it. It's like I always have to force myself. That doesn't make anyone feel great so why do it at all, right? 😁

Anyway now I'm thinking I should have just applied for that seasonal BPO job back in September. At least I'd have a salary to look forward to monthly and a 13th month pay. Ah employees are so lucky. 😂

Then again I feel like not working at all because I'm burned out. 😅 See I can't even write articles daily like I used to. But when I'm not working I feel like I'm wasting time and my life away. 😂

Yesterday I woke up from a dream about a storm and some flooding. For obvious reasons everyone in dream land could not leave their top open vehicles (weird, I dunno why) or houses even after the rain has stopped. I forgot the rest of the details but it gave me the impression that maybe the world is feeling stuck just like me. 🤔

At this point I'm feeling quite dejected, but not too much... I have some regrets but it doesn't matter now. Plenty of shoulda, woulda, coulda that I can only shake my head at myself. All I can say now is, I've definitely learned my lesson.

Maybe I wasted a whole year, maybe not. Time is gold but we just keep wasting it in various ways.

I keep saying I'm not working that hard anymore but whenever inspiration strikes I automatically work. 😂 See because I was feeling down yesterday I looked for certain karaoke bars to maybe just sing my heart out. Too bad one cannot just go in on your own (solo) without paying for a whole room. Nope, no karaoke for me.

Next thing I knew I was sending out project proposals to certain companies and then sending emails to my old client list. Huh? 😂 I mean, come on self. I'm still working despite not having any salary. 😂 Why oh why.

For those wondering why, it's like this. I'll make it simple so I don't have to explain everything. Haha.

Selling/marketing/ads + multiple admin/company issues + bad apple buyers, eventually = no motivation, no sales, no quota, no salary = losing money.

Okay I'm also not perfect as an agent so add that to the mix. Voila! 😂

Yes having a sales career is like having a business too. Definitely it looks like I've been failing. (Ouch that hurts to realize it.) Wow such a public declaration. I must be really depressed right now. 😂 The good news is, I don't have any big loans at all. 😜 (I hate loans and am quite "allergic" to it.)

At one point I felt like being in school, where your performance is graded. Intelligence gives you high grades and so it makes one happy. In real life experiences, instead of getting high grades I keep getting low ones in this career. 😓 WTH. How terrible when you keep failing and not reaching your goals, right?

Clearly I am not an expert at this because I also don't want to change myself drastically. I don't even want to go back to doing art/design at all. 💔 Being self-employed or an entrepreneur is never easy I tell you. Being an employee is easier but you won't have plenty of free time at all. Pros and cons all around.

Why am I sharing this to the world when these things shouldn't be mentioned? Like, the horror, "I will be judged by people" mentality. 😂

Well why not? I'm human too and struggling like everyone else. My mental health is my concern. I don't tell others how to live their lives so I will live mine the best way I can. 😉

Even if anyone reads this, it won't be life changing for me. Writing online has never had any grand or major impact on my life at all ever since I started. Yes really! It doesn't have a super great effect the way J. K. Rowling's life turned out. Haha. Same thing with my sales career, not everyone becomes an overnight sensation.

For sure my life is not gonna change for the better or worse just because of this one article. So why not just write it out for all the world to see eh? Airing my not so dirty laundry in public. Hahaha.

All this because it's already November and nothing majorly good has happened in my life. Pffft. I am definitely "living my life the wrong way" even if I am not doing criminal acts like the government officials who keeps stealing from public funds.

Unlike the online scammers and customs officials, I don't disregard the 10 commandments like it doesn't exist. I'm not perfect but I try my best to follow it.

Oh, this had me thinking of writing on a really old blog. Checked on Xanga and I can't even login anymore. Apparently there was a Xanga 2.0 update so now everything's gone?

But wait, there's more! Tabulas can't even be accessed at all! Haha. Guess my age is showing now. 🤭 So happy I already copied all my old blog entries several years ago.

What's shocking is I found out Xanga has a connection to the Philippines in some way. Uh oh. Read a tragic news bit which could also have happened anywhere. Death of a parent is always hard to accept you know. Too bad a terrible crime happened to their family in the country so it's really sad.

Okay okay I'm babbling but reading that bit of news just reiterated how everyone doesn't have a perfect life. It's not always sunshine, rainbows and butterflies indeed. Eveybody has their own problems and issues. Nobody is always happy all the time too.

I think imma end my diary article now. Life is truly full of challenges and it makes us feel down and depressed at times. It can also make us happy to be alive too! There are still plenty of things to be grateful for. We just have to look past our disappointments to see them.

Ciao for now!

XOXO,

@LucyStephanie

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All photos are from Unsplash.

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