Forgotten Hero

When I was a child, I always looked up to my father as my hero. A hero who can protect me from every monster there is under my bed, a hero that can give me everything that I want, every candy, every doll and toys my eyes laid unto. A hero that can protect me from my enemies in school and even rivals in playgrounds. A hero that serves as my prince charming as I am his only princess. A hero simply called as my father.

As I was growing up, I still see him as my hero though limited with what he can give. I see him as a hardworking person. Entering multiple jobs, putting the family first and foremost and giving the best he can give to the family. That's what the role of fathers right? To be a great provider to the family.

But when my last year of high school came, he succumb to a vice common to fathers nowadays. He became a drunkard man. It's okay at first cause he always reason it to be his sleeping tea. At first it was okay for he just drink a glass or two for his tired body to rest fully. But neither did we know, that those a glass or two became a bottle of liquor till it became a permanent drink that he can't let go. We tried to stop him from diving deeper into that hole but he didn't wanna be saved. Until he finally succumbed to the liquor that resulted for him being an irresponsible father.

I still tried to understand him. Maybe he was just tired. Maybe he was facing so many problems and can't open it to us. Maybe he just wanted to forget how cruel this world can be. But for days, weeks, months and years he'd been doing every single day, drinking at dawn, morning, lunchtime and nighttime, my understanding heart turned into a stone. I started to rebel. I started to reason out, I started to fight back with words so hurtful to say that I know it cut deeps into his heart. I started to disrespect him. My once looked up hero seems a pathetic guy to me. The hero I loved the most since my childhood became my most hated person up until now.

He never changed. He continued to being an irresponsible father up until my college years. I had worked hard double to maintain my grades cause I'm a scholar and also a student assistant at school. I really did try my best to finished it but for my younger brothers to finish their secondary education, I must gave way and stop schooling in order for me to work. That's the most heartbreaking thing I had felt way back. The pain, agony and regret I felt for having a father who only thinks of himself. Yes! He's a selfish human being. He only wants his satisfaction. I regret I was his daughter.

And from that day on, I chose to forget he's my father. I chose to forget that there's someone I looked up from my childhood a hero so good and sturdy I felt safe for my entire life. I chose to forget.

An alarm rang in my phone earlier at 7pm reminding that it's his birthday. The tears started to well up on my eyes. The phones screen got so wet with my unending tears. My vision's blurry of the brokenness I still feel up until this day. Even when I chose to forget, I still cannot deny the fact that I am his only princess that's just waiting for him to be changed. I hope and I pray that you will go back to the hero I looked up once again. 🙂

Post Note

Hey there lovies!

It's another heartbreak I share to you. I hope you won't get upset reading my thoughts and words. I just really want to put it to writing for my heavy feelings to be lifted somehow. Hope you're all doing fine wherever you are.

See you in my next article! 👋

Cheering you always,

LuaDesamor 😉

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Lead image is from Google

January 10, 2020 / 22:45 PH time