Beautiful Nightmare

"How are you? Are you still holding on to me like I told you when we're swimming by the beach?

" I do but I am a bit tired now." she smiled weakly.

"But you promised you won't let go!"

"Can I take it back now? I don't wanna linger in your past anymore. I wanna be happy again. I am hurting people around me already." she said while tears slowly falling in her cheeks.

"No! You promised! You're mine and mine alone!"

"Haaah, haaah, huff. Another nightmare again." she abruptly stands up from her bed, shaking off the images of her once loved that turned into a monster.

Every single night after his death, she always dreamt of how they spent their days at the beach. At first it's all happy and lively that she chose to sleep more and be in dreamland than to be in the real world.

But as his family condemned her to be the cause of his death, she felt suffocated and guilty. She's partly blaming herself for if she didn't insisted to go for a swim, he would still be alive. Night after night of just silently weeping, afraid that her mother can hear her sobs, she would fire up her stereo in the room with Christian songs she wanted to hear. She never wanted it to happen. If only if she could forsee the future, then they wouldn't go for a swim.

Then the nightmares came. It started with just a peaceful sea that eventually turned into a whirlpool that always pull her into the bottom, drowning her and taking the life out of her, then she wakes up, sweat drenching her pajamas, body shaking with fear, tears rolling uncontrollably. She wept, and wept over and over again till the next nightmares became a natural to her that it only left her with tears streaking in her cheeks.

It went on for months she lost count. She didn't tell a soul about her suffering because it's her way to punish herself. "Never mind the pain and agony but don't tell someone on what you've been going through." She always heard that voice. The voice that tormented her and also the voice that she longed to hear. Indeed, it's a beautiful nightmare.

I bought this ring as a promise to not forget you. A promise that I can no longer keep. I'm sorry if I'll be throwing this away. I just wanted to be in the moment. I am really tired of holding on. I have already caused pain to people so dear to me. I'll always pray for your eternal rest. Thank you for letting me go.

The nightmares were already gone for a year now. But there are some nights that's slipping but I can still manage. As I've encountered countless people in noise and even here, I slowly make myself heal and grow from them. I'll always be grateful for these two platform. Heal and move on. ☺️

Post Note

Hey there lovies!

This is the last part of my first article Crashing Waves and will not be tackling about it anymore. Hehe. I've finally moved on with that phase of my life. Hope so. Hehe. And to someone dear to me, I had decided to really distanced myself for now, I'm not running away as you always say. It's just choosing myself first above all else. I'm sorry if I keep on hurting you with my words and actions. I think I'll focus more on self love for now. It's a way also for you to be at peace. I don't know when I'll be back. I will miss you ya. I really really like you as a person whom I can rely on. Take care.

See you in my next article. 👋

Cheering you always,

LuaDesamor 😉

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January 17, 2022 / 23:15 PH time