Hi folks! I woke up early today so im thinking about finishing my work here to publish it. I wasn't able to write one yesterday but i make sure i make one today.
This is the perfect time for me to write because people here are still sleeping and no one is making any noise.
I hope you make time reading this one.
Before i start, i would like to extend my gratitude to all my sponsors :) thankyou so much for your generosity it means so much to me.
Who is the first person comes in your mind when you first read my title:Strong woman?
Bet we have the same thought of who that person is.
Yes the person im referring to is my MOTHER.
The woman who gave birth to me
The woman who let me see how beautiful the world is
The woman who took care of me
The woman who loves me
And the woman i adore a lot
My mother was very caring to us. She's the one who wake us up when we have classes. My class is started in 7:30 but my mother wakes me up at 4:30 am. Imagine how early is that, she always said to me that she needs to wake me up that early in order for me not to be late. And because of that I've got the most punctual award back then.
For me she's my wonder woman, why? Because she's the one who cook for us, wash our clothes, wash our dishes, clean our house while taking care of us. I remember when i offered her a help when she washes our clothes she said no, its okay just finish your assignment or just study. She always say she can manage.
How close are you to your parent? Specifically to your mom?
As time goes by, we slowly growing up and meet friends outside. To be honest im not that showy to my mother. Dont misinterpret this, i love my mother so much but it just that i dont really express this into words and actions, i dont know why maybe im just shy. I rarely say "i love you" to her. I spend my time playing and hanging out with my friends back then. But i remember when i was still a kid, i was so very close to her i dont want to be away from her. She even brought me to her work when she worked for the chinese family as a maid.
The photo above was taken when i received an award during my senior high. As what I've mentioned in my previous post i am a consistent honor student and whenever i got an award my mother is always there to put medal to me. Even if she didn't say it i saw the proudness and happiness in her eyes.
When i look at this photo, i still remember how my mother cried as i gave her white rose and said iloveyou to her and hug her (its very obvious thru her eyes isnt it). That happened before my graduation.
I received lots of award that time and im the valedictorian or with high honors (they change it). They are very happy and we enjoyed that moment so much. I gave thanks to them also.
This was my gift to her during mothers day. I surprised her with this, she kissed me and hug me while saying thankyou and iloveyou. I respond back i never forget that. One of my best memory with her.
Every birthday of my mom we used to have a simple celebration that we insisted to her. My mom is very simple she doesnt want big celebration for her birthday. She dont want us to spend lot of money because of her but that not what we want. We want to make her happy on her special day.
Fast forward:
Month after my graduation. We noticed a red dot in my mom's face, we thought it was just a chicken fox but as days passed by it looks like a burn. The color of it is red and it goes all over her body especially to her back. First she said she's okay. There's nothing to worry it will be okay. But as month passes by her situation became worst. So they went to the hospital and she undergo some test. When we got the result the doctor says there no findings of any disease. So they went to a folk healer "albularyo(Filipino term)" it says that when my mother spilled hot water outside she did hit creature that we dont able to see. There's a big tree that is adjacent to our house they called it "Balete", some says there are other creature living in that trees. The advice is we should give offering to them so we did. But there are no sign of healing from my mothers' skin. They went to multiple folk healer but nothing happened.
Despite what happened to my mom she didnt let us see that she's in pain. She still took care of us just like normal days back then. I noticed she lost weight and her skin was not fair anymore. The burnt like in her skin doesn't disappear. I know she's worrying but they dont want us to be worry too so she hide her pain.
It was taken last Dec. 2018, we're going to our province Dumaguete to spend Christmas there and also for my mom to relax and have fresh air. If you will notice she's wearing a wig, we bought that wig before our flight because her hair slowly falling off. When you look at the first photo and take a look at this photo you will notice that there's a changes in her appearance. But still my mom is beautiful.
Every morning we go to beach because here in Manila the beaches are far from our place so we spend more of our time in beach while we're in the province. Look how happy my mom is. Her laugh is priceless.
Going back to Manila:
January we go back here in Manila that i wish we dont do.
February 2019, the older sister of my father flight here in Manila so that my mom have company, they decided to visit for a check up. They went to hospital morning and when the evening comes my aunt is the only one come home. She said that my mother was confined at the hospital. I cried that time thinking what will happen. Scared as hell that what im feeling back then.
That was my hand, i wanted to hold my mother's hand and talk to her but i cant. She's asleep that time. 3 days in the hospital i thought she will going to be discharge. She managed to smile when i visited her like nothing was happening to her. The doctor diagnosed her as a patient with lupus. We dont know what that disease is back then but the doctor explained to us. It has no cure :(
My mom only lasts one week in the hospital. She got tube in her lung because the doctor said shes cant breath well. I imagine how hard it is and how pained it is to her. It hurts seeing her like that when i visited her i always cry while shes asleep. I dong want her to see im crying i dont want her to be sad. Last March 10, 2019 my mom passed away. I dont know what to feel that time. When we arrived at the hospital shes already dead, how i wish i was able to talk to her for the last time. How i wish i could turn back time so that i will cherish more moment with her. How i wish i asked her how she's feeling back then. How i wish i could have one moment with her. If only i can, i will show her everyday how much i love her. If only she said that shes in pain, if only she didn't hide it.
Whenever i have problems, i went to her grave and to her. I really missed her so much. She's the strongest woman for me for dealing such pain for almost 10 months. But i know now she's in good hand and shes in a place where she will no longer experience worst. I know she's guiding us from above i can still feel her love for us.
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A piece of advice : we should cherish every moment we have with our loveones. We never know how long we/they will last here. Show how much you love them. So that in the end you will never end up regreting the days has passed taht you ignore.
Thankful that i finished this article, it took me lot of courage while writing this. I think carefully if i will able to finish writing it. Honestly right now my heart is aching again, it looks like the wounds are not healed yet. My tears fall slowly while writing it but i should face it, i should keep going. Thats what my mother wants us to do. To Continue life.
If you take time to read until the end. Thankyou for your time :) i appreciate it so much.
-Loveleng18
You know something, your mother is looking over you and feeling so proud at how you are doing. Keep being you , keep visiting her and keep making her proud. Awesome words and I am so sorry what happened to her.