unHappy

Disclaimer: Your unsolicited advice, opinion or anything that you want to say against this article is not needed. Learn how to respect the writer by just simply reading and nothing else. This article is written to unload and release some burden, so if you don't like to feel the burden or you can't keep the words you wanted to type after reading, you better not waste your time reading this.

My mind's a mess lately. It's as though I'm in a marathon where my only competitor is time. I've been through a lot lately and I still am but I thank God for His amazing grace, love and support to me by using the people around me.

Someone asked me how I'm doing and when I shared what I'm going through, I was labeled as someone who likes to complain a lot. In my part, you asked me how I'm doing and when I'm being honest by telling you, this is what I get.

There is another person who told me that she wanted to speak to me so she can unload her burden but then I realized that I have a burden too. And her burden is just about her phone which is a petty thing for me since it is replaceable.

I was on a meeting and I was given an additional task from the tasks I already have at hand. It makes me want to nag about it and complain a lot because my hands are full. And simply because I'm new to these things they're giving me more than what I can handle.

I know that my presence doesn't make that much of a difference. People actually prefer it if I'm not with them. I only bring chaos and the more I reflect, the more I see how I don't know where I belong anymore. It's like being in the middle of different options where no option will ever fit me.

I just wanted to ask questions but it's as though I am always in the wrong about everything. It seemed that I was too bossy, and I was just simply too much for anyone. I don't enjoy what I do anymore and I always ask myself if this is what I really wanted to do in the first place.

I spoke to someone through chat and her response was I can be the source of motivation but I was the one who was seen as the complainer. As for me, I just wanted to express myself and I even asked if what I felt was invalid or wrong. Am I not allowed to express what I feel, say what I want to say or even do what I want to do? Why is it that when I'm the one to speak, I'm not allowed to voice it out loud?

Why is it that when others unload their problems to me, I am willing to listen but when I am the one to speak or share what I'm going through, I always look as the villain? Why?

I was asking myself when was the last time when I was truly happy and I can't remember when. All I can think about right now are never ending paperworks and deadlines.

It's easy to say words of encouragement or even give your opinion but please save it. I don't need it at the moment. As I have stated I just wanted to unload things. Maybe I just needed my feelings and emotions to be validated.

Disclaimer: Your unsolicited advice, opinion or anything that you want to say against this article is not needed. Learn how to respect the writer by just simply reading and nothing else. This article is written to unload and release some burden, so if you don't like to feel the burden or you can't keep the words you wanted to type after reading, you better not waste your time reading this.

Love_16

February 4, 2022

Friday