We all have one thing which we don't want to share to others. It can be dark or light, depending on the things which we have experienced. It's somehow something we hope to forget and we have decided not to look back to. If given a chance, most of us would want to redo it so we won't have any regrets.
All of us differ from each other. From gender, family background, religion, beliefs, principles, nationality, activities, profession, dreams, goals, aspirations and so much more. That difference is what links us into being who we are today.
"If you can go back in the past, what will you change?"
I was asked this a couple fo times and whenever I'm asked, I always answer that I have nothing to change because my past is what contributed to who I am today.
I've had a few important people in my life who have been good friends to me one is someone very special.
I had a highschool male classmate who was very energetic. He was playful and very kind to everyone. Even though is wasn't everyone's cup of tea he never made me feel that way. He was an awesome person who was loved by many, especially his group of friends. Even our teachers are fond of him because of his jolly personality. He is also good in academics especially in math.
Unfortunately his happy life was short lived. We were 3rd year high school when he had a lot of complications including leptospirosis. We just learned the news by a text message from his family sent to one of his friends in our section. We cried and a few of our teachers decided not to have classes that day. We were too silent and even his friends who are men cried in disbelief and shouted in anger and frustration. All along we thought that he was doing okay since he was discharged from the hospital. Not knowing that he was fighting for his last breath.
We went to their home upon knowing that he'll have his wake there. We even encountered young people who attacked us on the way there. That night was filled with running and chasing.
My last memory of him was during our quarterly exam. He was asking me for a high five since I am the one who was assigned to distribute the test papers. If only I took that one last high five then I'll see his eyes shine brighter than before. Even though he felt embarrassed he still chose to smile at me.
I wasn't there when he was brought to the cemetery because it was Sunday and I had to go to church with my family.
I had an older brother like in the church. We were on the same ministry. He was versatile and you can place him in any ministry at the church. He was kind and loving son to his family and a good churchmate.
We had leadership training in the church. I was a facilitator so I handed them the exam papers for the training. He held out his hand for a high five when I handed him the test paper but I also ignored it. Thinking that it was okay and it doesn't matter since we're used to fooling around. He went to a province with our pastor that time then went home. It was nighttime and I was asleep. I woke up at dawn to go to school only to be greeted by the news that he went home to heaven with God.
I couldn't believe it because we just had been playful with each other and he was perfectly fine the last time we've seen each other. I went to the church before going to school to confirm everything. He was indeed gone.
He has his burial at the church and we were there to support his family while we all mourn from the pain of losing him.
During those two moments I was thinking that if only I reached out to their hands for a high five then it's like seeing them off. It's like there last farewell to me and I chose not to take it.
I had a female friend when I was in first to third year high school. She was a close friend of mine and we share each other's witness. She has a crush with one of our classmates and she even made an acronym out of their names. We had been like best friends because we're too close. She's also academically good in her studies aside from being beautiful.
I had a chicken pox so I wasn't able to to go to school for a week. During that I week she got sick. She had delusions and other physical sickness. The third day of my absence in school my classmates informed me that she was gone too soon.
I cried my heart out because she was a kind person to me even though I was mean. If only she didn't die that time then I wouldn't end up alone in my high school years. Even though my friends decided to unfriend me she will never do it to me because she's a kind person.
I didn't even got the chance to say goodbye to her and to see her off. After a week, I was able to go to school and my classmates told me about her. I just remained silent and they told me that they thought I'll cry but I had already finished crying at home.
If only she's still alive then we'd both talk about our crushes and our future plans.
The most painful one was a blood of my blood and a flesh of my flesh. My oldest brother had a broken marriage and he found a new love life even though he and his wife weren't legally separated.
The baby was a boy. He was supposed to stay home with us since both of his parents are working. Upon delivery the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. He had different complications. When we arrived at the hospital he was already lifeless with a faint smile in his face as if telling us that he's okay and he's in peace leaving us. He was taken by God just a day after he was born. He was a very handsome baby boy and he looked a lot like his dad.
My oldest brother is a big man and just imagining him crying for his lost baby was too heartbreaking for me and my family. We mourned for him. I wasn't even able to carry him alive in my arms. I wasn't even able to hear his cry. I wasn't even able to see him open his eyes. I wasn't even able to take a photo of him while he's still alive.
When his death was still fresh, I was thinking about the possibility of him staying alive. If only he's alive he's already one year old by now. He must be an additional family member and he will be one of our bundles of joy.
I was even able to write a poem about him because he was that precious to me. I cried but my pain was nothing compared to the pain that his parents have felt. I'm just glad that he was in heaven with God. No more tears, no more pain and no more trials.
Losing someone is painful. Knowing the fact that you can never see them again or just the fact that they were taken away from us without us prepared.
We can never do anything for someone who has died. They can no longer hear the sweet and kind words we say in their funerals. Ven if we buy them flowers and remember them during their death anniversaries, we can never deny the fact that we all miss their warmth. We miss the times we shared with one another. We miss the memories and we somehow regret that we weren't able to do the things which we would have done if we knew that they will no longer be with us the next day.
Life has no certainty. God take it away from us anytime he pleases. So we must always choose to love and show love to the people who are important to us. Life is too short to live it with regret.
If ever you lost someone, be comforted that there is after life. We experience trials and difficulties on earth because we are temporary citizens here.
I also lost friends along the way. It reminded me that there are people whom I'll just cross paths with but will never be on my finish line.
Losing someone is painful but it's also the proof of how strong I've become. It's the truth about life. When God decides to take it away, no one can stop it.
Love_16
January 17, 2021
Sunday
