Isn't it surprising how time flies so fast? Last time there was this pandemic and now the virus is mutating which is why we all need to prepare ourselves for whatever might happen in the future.
It is said that if a person haven't experienced failure then he must have never tried anything new. Failure is part of life but many people doesn't consider it as one. Many people see failure as a scary matter and it's not in their vocabulary.
I've had a fare share of failure but I don't usually consider it as one. I just think of it as part of life but last it was a real thing for me.
The first time I can say that I experienced failure was when I joined a school singing competition with just three contestants. It wasn't my thing but since it was for grades I joined. It was because I was fooled by those people who told me that my voice was good. I mustered up my courage and the only good thing is that only a few people are the audience. I sang on stage and I felt so shy. My best friend and our other classmate came 1st while I didn't get any award. I felt so ashamed of myself but I was thankful that I am not popular and I am one of the average students in school.
The second time was when I got 75 in my Technology and Livelihood Education subject. I was an absentee for having a strange blood disease. Even though I have my medication I don't get well. My condition gets worse. I wasn't able to pass my activities on time and since it's a subject that requires performance, I only got 75. I felt like a failure since I am part of top 10. I'm just glad that my teacher chose to give me 75 instead of lower grades since I wasn't able to come to his classes.
The third time was when I got a 2.9 grade in P.E. subject in college. Our topic that time was taekwondo. We had to make a video while performing it. We've had other necessary activities where we'll be able to get our grades but he did not include it. We had preliminary exams, mid term exams and final exams but he never paid attention to it. He was angry in our section because some of my we're really rude to him.
His act of revenge was through our grades. Just because of a single video we all got a passing score of 2.9 which is the equivalent of 75. It was so frustrating since it's a big deal in order to find a job. It's included in our TOR and from time to time we were asked about it.
Many students hated him for it but he justified his actions by saying that we did not perform well in his class. He was the first one who gave that grade to our section. He favored other sections more than us. It was too obvious because even in our ball games he always make sure that we lose. In my one opinion, he's not fit to become a college instructor because he mix his personal grudge in his job.
The fourth time was just last year. I've said this to my previous articles but I'll still include it here. My two year contract has ended and I had to look for a new job. I wasn't able to get it. I wasn't even able to reach the interview part. I spent time and money for the requirements needed. I had to prepare for my demo. I even had to borrow money from my family so I'll have enough money for my needs since my salary was too little and it was below minimum.
I was so frustrated with myself that I wasn't even able to find good sleep and I lost my appetite for food. I was constantly crying and blaming myself for not doing enough and for disappointing the people around me.
My family and friends who was with me financing me and going with me through all my appointments for my application and so much more. I felt so ashamed of myself that I can't even face them. It was too heartbreaking for me.
I also make other opportunities pass by just because I was confident that I'll get the job but I wasn't able to do so. I was filled with regret because I was thinking that if only I grabbed the other job opportunities then I won't be unemployed until now.
I looked for another job opportunities but to no avail I was not qualified to those jobs I've applied to. I cried in secret because I don't want to add as another burden to my family. I was a burden because I can't help them financially and physically. I can't do tiring houseworks like laundry because it takes a toll on my body.
I was devastated that whenever I talk to someone I always share about it. I was like a broken record because I talk to different people about the same thing even though they don't ask about it.
I'm just too blessed to have understanding and supportive family as well as supportive friend who was there with me literally. They were with me while I prepare my requirements and they also helped me to do my demo.
Do you sleep well? Do you still eat on time? Was the words of one of my friends. I just literally felt like crying because she was the first one who asked me those questions. She was like a soulmate for experiencing failing the licensure exam for the third time.
During my failures, I've had people to support me. I was thinking that if I was alone then I wouldn't be able to make it.
In the midst of what I'm going through, God reminded me that I am never alone and He used my family and friends as a medium of comfort for me.
Failure is painful. It takes a toll on the physical and emotional health. It was something that most of us doesn't want to experience or go through but it's not as if we have a choice.
God makes everything in His perfect time. He is never late. He holds the perfect time for everything.
I was thinking that if ever I had the job then I'd be exposed to coronavirus even more since I'd have to go out to process a new set of requirements upon getting hired. We don't have internet connection earlier last year so it would have been difficult for me to adjust to a new job. I have a weak immune system. I've had Tuberculosis in lungs before and it was stated that those with pre-existing medical conditions was prone to the virus. If ever I got hired I don't have the right materials to use for my new job.
You see, things won't always work out the way we want it to be. Only God upholds the right time for me to reach my dreams and goals in life.
Grade isn't everything. I failed my grades before but my grades can never determine who I am.
Health is wealth. Everything happens for a reason in God's perfect time.
Things won't always go my way. I've failed but it wasn't the end of my journey. It's just the beginning.
When God sees that my plans will wreck me, He'll wreck my plans for me. It's a form of protection against harm and danger that my plans might have caused me.
The pain and shame I've felt are more than enough to remind me that I needed God and I will always need Him.
Living in pain for moment is memorable yet reaping the fruit of my labor is always ecstatic.
I can always make plans but God is always the one to make it happen.
Without those failures then I will never know what success is.
Love_16
January 17, 2021
Sunday
