Do you know the feeling when you've waited for something for so long and yet when you have received it, you're now unhappy? I don't know but that's what I've been feeling lately. I still sleep late and wake up way too early that I still feel sleepy.
I still cry because I miss my father so much. It's been two months since he left this world but the pain and longing is still the same. I miss him so much. I can't even ask him anymore of the question, "are you happy?".
My mind's a mess. I'm still working late at night due to a lot of paperwork. I still eat my breakfast during lunch. My body clock is still not back to it's proper time.
Last Monday, I decided to do some calligraphy art as I was preparing for 2022. I have lots of plans and goals but I can't seem to start.
Then I realized that I'm just starting and still on the process of healing from losing my father. I'm slowly getting better everyday.
I'm still on the process of getting acquainted of my new job. I was thinking that maybe I'm just stressed out and I needed a break.
I'm used to keeping everything to myself and I know that it's unhealthy but the good thing is that I have the read cash as my outlet.
*****
Alam mo ba yung pakiramdam na ang tagal mong hinintay yung isang bagay at pinagdasal tapos ngayong nasagot na at nasa akin nakakaramdam ako ng pagsisisi.
Ang daming trabaho, di sapat ang pahinga o siguro kasi ako mismo sa sarili ko di ko rin maintindihan. Di naman ako pala kwento. Malalaman nila tapos na ang pinagdadaanan ko.
Nasasanay na akong panay ang iyak tuwing gabi kasi miss ko na si papa, madaming gawain pero ang pinaka dahilan ay yung katotohanan na di na namin sya makikita. Di ko na sya makakausap. Di ko na sya makakasama. Nasanay nga kasi siguro ako na nandyan lang sya.
1st birthday ko na wala si papa. 1st Christmas and New Year na wala si papa. Madalas na kaming magkakasama dito sa bahay kasi need namin ng emotional support ng isa't isa.
Kaya naiintindihan ko yung mga taong hirap mag share at mag communicate sa iba kasi ganon din ako.
Ang dami kong gustong gawin para sa kanya pero wala na sya. Sabi nga dapat daw umiyak at magluksa hanggat gusto mo para pagkatapos ay gagaling ka na from the pain.
I feel so sad at the moment but I know that I needed to be strong enough and do my best for my family especially my mom. Kailangan kong maging malakas at matatag. Happy din ako sa blessings na meron ako at ang family ko.
Ewan ko ba, I feel so left behind. I feel as though di ako nag i improve at umuusad. Pakiramdam ko kulang pa ang efforts ko. Until now I'm still trying to figure out the things that I must do. But nonetheless, I'm more than happy and blessed to experience this painful journey and share it here.
*****
Ecclesiastes 3:1 GNT
Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.
Love_16
November 24, 2021
Wednesday
