Have you ever felt so tired to the point that sleeping and eating can no longer suffice the tiredness that you're feeling?
Life is tiring but living is worth it. It's not about what you eat, drink, wear, say or think about. It's just that it's tiring you out to the point that your body screams for you to not care anymore.
I have so many things which I wanted to achieve in life. Those things are difficult to reach but attainable. Lately, I've been constantly exhausted with everything and everyone around me. It's as though there is no escape at all. I just wanted to leave everything and never look back but I'm not selfish to do it. Besides, I don't know how I'll survive by myself.
With the recent passing of my father and the new job that I have, all the stress are slowly getting ahead of me. I had a job until 5 p.m. last Monday when my pastora went to our house to have a chat with me. I wasn't going to church physically but I attend our online Sunday Service. I don't update as often as possible and things weren't as smooth as before.
She waited for me and until then, we went out to eat, chat with each other and went home. I shared my life updates with her and how I'm feeling anxious because I need to pay my debt in my previous company. Honestly, I don't know here to get the money from because I'm just living from paycheck to paycheck. I don't have savings and all that.
I want my name to be cleared from the company and I don't want any trouble from them. I'm also exhausted from constant demands of the things around me. I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of everything. I don't even know how I was able to meet the deadlines and such. All I know is that I need to finish up so I can have the weekends off.
My pastora told me that no one knows until when the pain will last or how the pain will subside and that no words can ever be enough to comfort someone who is grieving. I know it but it's just that I can't keep up at the moment and I'm glad that she understood. I was able to breathe and live even just for a moment. I was able to share my burdens and have someone pray over me.
Life is definitely exhausting.
December 8, 2021