Parenting Advice: Heart to heart talk

People are born to long for fellowship. It's important to have someone whom we can share our happy moments and our troubles with. This gives us peace and it somehow eases the burden we carry on our shoulders even though we just spoke whatever bothers us.

Fellowship is what makes us better because it's impossible to say that we are getting better without the people around us to attest to it. Fellowship is what builds us up that's why we have a certain group which we feel like we belong and we feel more at ease when we're with them.

We have group of friends in preschool, elementary, high school, college or even in our workplace. It's as if it's in our DNA that we need to have someone who are the exact opposite of us, but we feel like we're connected somehow.

Others have romantic relationship with their spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or their life partner. It's not because they just suddenly felt the need to get married or to be in a relationship, it's more likely that people are born to have a special someone with them. People are never born to be alone.

Some find security in having close family ties. This might not have been the case to all families but this is most likely the case why people have this picture perfect in their minds wherein they have their own family.

In my previous job, I had this specific time wherein I will just sit down, call people one by one and just ask them random questions. It's a bit awkward at first but it helps me understand them better. It also allows me to see things in their eyes. That simple talk leads to a deeper kind of topic. They were able to say things they can never say in front of others. They are able to be honest in a way that they feel secured and they are just talking to a friend.

Why is heart to heart talk important?

Heart to heart talk is important because it helps you to understand your child or someone under your care. This kind of talk is on a deeper level of intimacy. It's not just about trivial things like, what did you do, how are you, you look good and so on.

This kind of talk is on a level wherein a parent and her child have a serious talk about life. It's more than just knowing how a child feels or what he thinks about. It's not about scolding and counting the mistakes done. It's about understanding and giving reassurance that no matter what happens, ni matter what a child has done, she will forever be loved and understood by her parents. That even if the world turns his back to her, her parents are always there for her.

Many teenagers find it more fun when they are with their friends is simply because they long for fellowship with their parents. They long to have the attention they get from their friends which they can't have from their own homes. They don't want the school hours to end because they will feel alone again.

Personal Experience:

I'm not the type of daughter to tell her parents about everything. I like keeping everything to myself but there will really come a time when I've had enough and I just bursted out crying and saying what's on my mind.

Year 2018, I was under a lot of pressure. My mom will always look at me but not say anything. Until the day when there was a commotion at home and it was Saturday. I have work that day and I was in a hurry because I'm almost late.

I felt like I was about to explode and I did. I was crying and shouting because the tiredness, pressure, and the demand on my job are way too much for me to handle. My younger brother embraced me because was losing control over myself and I left home without any word. I wiped my tears and didn't bother to open my phone. I made sure that they can't contact me.

"Just let your sister say whatever she wants to say. Allow her to cry as much as she wants. She has too much weight on her shoulders. Just let her say what she feels."

At that moment I knew that my mom was just waiting for me to open up to her. It was never my thing so when I've had enough I burst out crying and screaming. It made me realize how my mom longs to ask me but she doesn't want to force me to tell her my worries. I came home late that day and I did not talk to any of them. They respected my decision and when I feel like opening up to them, I did by my own will.

What are the benefits of heart to heart talk?

If your son or daughter doesn't talk to you to share his or her problems, who do you think is the person she shares her troubles with?

If you don't have a good connection with your children, to whom do you think they have a good connection with?

If you can't spare them some time to sit and talk about life, from whom do you think they get that time of conversation with?

I've met a lot of teenagers who told me thank you for talking to me. Thank you for taking some time to ask me about how I'm doing. Thank you for just simply listening when no else wanted to.

It's not because they lack attention, it's because they long to have an intimate connection to their parents. Teenagers misbehave not because they wanted to add up to their parents problems, they misbehave because they needed someone to turn to when skies are grey but when they find no one to be there for them, their outlet is either their group of friends or misbehaving.

No one has ever wanted to be tagged as someone who misbehaves, or someone who is an attention seeker. Believe me, they all want the same thing and that is you spare them sometime. You just have to listen and understand. They don't need more scolding what they needed is your heart. Lend it to them.

When you give a heart to heart talk to your children, they build this sense of peace and security that someone is there for them. They are able to see that they are never alone in the battles they face in life.

Your priority must be your kids above anything else. It's not about the money or material things you give them, it's about the quality time you spend with them.

Personal Experience:

One thing that I see in my parents are being all-knowing. We don't have to say anything but they know what happens to each of us. They will never call for us to sit down and talk. They never forced us into speaking to them out of fear of their authority over us. They will allow us to speak when we feel like doing so. There'll be tears and harsh words but it all the more strengthen our bond with them.

When is the best time or moment to give a heart to heart talk?

This doesn't require a specific time or place. This just requires a heart that willing to understand, ears to listen and a sense of of love. You don't have to wait for the right time or right moment. You have to be someone whom your son or daughter will first tink of when he wants to talk to someone. You must be there when he needs you the most.

You don't have to force your child to open up to you. He will open up when he feels like it. You don't have to demand for it, he will give it to you by himself.

When he's ready to open up, you have to make sure that you are there, willing to listen and understand.

Personal Experience:

There are times when a child will come up to you to just simply talk about anything. They just needed someone to listen to them.

I have this one teenage girl who decided to commit suicide. When I talked to her about it she was crying. She developed a heart disease because she's been keeping everything to herself. We talk even after her school hours and she doesn't want to go home most of the times.

One time her sister came to fetch her but she was gone. Good thing her best friend noticed that she just suddenly went out and run somewhere. Her best friend didn't leave her side.

Just this December 31 she messaged me saying how grateful she is to me for helping her through her dark moments in life. She never intended to do those things but when her family wasn't there for her of course she needed someone else to be there with her.

Sometimes we just needed someone to talk to. Someone who is willing to listen without judgment and that someone are the parents.

Love_16

January 3, 2021