Parenting Advice: Allowing the child to voice out his opinions

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2 years ago

I have encountered many people who doesn't know how to defend themselves or how to prove a point. They just don't know how to express themselves which leaves them in a dire state. They either stutter or they lack the courage to speak what's on their mind which is an important matter these days.

Everything starts at home. When a child grows up, he or she spends most of her time with the family, school and others. This is where he or she starts to know what she wants, how to communicate and how to speak out for himself. A parent no matter how much they wanted to stay by the side of their kids can't just do it at all times. Children has to learn how to speak their mind.

It takes up a village to raise up a child. A child has a lot of things to learn but everything can be taught and learned one step at a time. As young as a baby, a child already has the ability to perceive and convey the things they want. Babies doesn't have to speak in order to understand them but it surely takes a lot of patience, love and understanding in order to know what a baby wants or what a baby needs.

"A baby can understand, you just have to talk to him about it. They are able to express themselves without talking and it's for you to interpret what he's trying to say."

These are the words which my mom often tells me and my siblings. It's the parents that sets the rules but the children are part of it especially the babies who are just starting to know things.

Personal Experience:

My older brother got married last September 2019 and they now have a 7 month old baby boy who is very willful at times. Babies are cute and awesome just the way they are but their attitude problem has to be addressed as early as now. Babies can be disciplined.

"He doesn't want his clothes to get changed."

My mom went to their house. My mom gave baby boy a bath then changed his clothes. The baby wasn't trying to break free or argue using baby talks. He just looked up to me and his dad as if asking for help but since it's my mom who holds him, he wasn't able to do anything but to let his grandma finish dressing him up. While my mom was dressing him up, she was talking to baby saying, you should listen to your mommy and daddy, they know what's best for you at all times.

This was what my brother and his wife told my mom, but my mom knows better. My mom already has 8 children, 7 grandchildren and still counting.

Me, my older sister and youngest brother went to their home for a visit just last December 30, 2020. Baby boy was angry for some reason and we were having video call with my parents at home. My mom heard the baby screaming then my mom told me to talk to him.

"Talk to baby boy. He will understand."

"Baby what's wrong? Why are you screaming? That's not nice." Those were my words to baby.

The baby turned his back from me twice up until I finished my sentence, he acted as if he was about to cry. He stopped screaming and immediately leaned on my brother's chest.

It's important to instill discipline as early as now since the baby can already understand. And the kind of discipline must be fit to the age of the baby.

Now after talking about babies, let's start talking about children and how to make them speak for themselves.

Allow the kids to tell their story.

Whenever a child tells you something, you must listen to him. Whether what he tells you is important or unimportant. It's one of the ways of telling him that you care and you're there to listen anytime. As he grows old, he will know better to tell you everything that happens to him.

Allow the kids to explain their side.

In our family, my parents allow us to give our point of view whenever they scold us. My parents doesn't hurt us physically but they make sure to remain calm whenever they are scolding us and asks us to answer back.

An aggressive tone leads to a more aggressive way of answering back. It's important to know when to highten the tone and when to speak silently. Most people shout because they are unheard, this causes more misunderstanding. On the other hand, speaking softly with a hint of authority causes the child to know his limits.

Allow the child to express himself in a nice way.

You can never control your emotions but you can always control your behavior and action especially if you are getting agitated.

In our house, my parents has rule of talking back to them in a nice and polite manner. This way we are trained that we can say and express how we feel about a certain situation especially if we feel wornged as long as respect is still there.

My parents deserve respect and everything they do is something that we look up to which adds our level of respect to them. This conveys a message that in order to be respected, one must be respectful towards other people as well. It's important to know the limits and extent of how a person can talk back.

Whenever we feel agitated and aggravated, my parents give us some time to cool off. After cooling off, we are able to speak to them. We don't leave the place. We stay there seated and was given some time to relax ourselves. After we're relaxed we can tell what we want to tell them.

Allow the child to feel that he is respected.

Whatever our reasoning is, our parents respect it because it's our way of thinking. There's no such thing as wrong answer, it's our opinion and we're entitles to say it. Now, if our parents see it as a wrong thing and would want us to understand, our parents will explain it to us bit by bit. They will never insist but their way of explaining to us is the way we can comprehend. They will never point out that the way we think is wrong but they will make us see the bigger picture.

You see, when a child is angry and willful, she is never going to entertain any reasoning at the moment. Her emotions overpower her but if her parents explain to her that things doesn't work the way she thinks, she's able to point out that it was her mistake by herself.

Never force a child to speak out when she doesn't feel like doing it.

I am the silent type of child. When I don't feel like speaking, I will not speak. My parents know it so they often scold me and ask me to talk back. When I don't talk back they will give me some time to fix myself and when I'm ready to talk I'll talk.

Another good thing about me and my family is that even if I have many siblings my parents knows us well. They know our needs and wants as well as the things that we don't want.

A child will speak out when he's ready not when you're pushing him to do so.

Train a child to know when he has to speak, why he has to speak and how he will speak.

Speak when you know that you are right. Speak in a polite manner. Explain your side without raising your voice. Speak when it's your turn to do so.

You have to speak to defend yourself. You have to speak in order to make people understand that something isn't right. You have to speak out because if you don't, people might misunderstand. You have to speak out to allow yourself to grow.

Speak with boldness and with truth. Speak with sincerity. Speak with good intentions. Speak with power and conviction in your words.

Personal Experience:

In my family, my parents always allow us to say what we want to say in a nice, calm and collected manner. No raising of voices, no arguments, no harsh words, no cussing and no stopping someone by saying his own point of view.


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