Living Or Surviving
Life isn’t always about joy and laughter. I have learned this from a young age. As a child, everything I could think about are toys, happy family and the simple joys that the world has to offer. But as I grow older, I realized that life isn’t as easy as it seems when I was a child.
When we were younger, we cry to get what we want, but when we grow old, we cry to forget what we want.
As a child I don’t know the real meaning of struggles and problems. All I know is that people are never contented. We always want something more. We are never contented of what we have. I didn’t even consider my life as an example of hardship. I was contented with me and my family surviving each day.
I am not from a rich family but I have parents and siblings who are responsible enough not to allow our family status to stay the same. My parents used to have a small business which helped one of my elder brothers to graduate in college and find a good paying job. After he graduated, he started supporting me and my older sister’s studies in college. He supported us financially until we graduate in college and after we graduated he finally decided to get married. Since me and my sister are now college graduates we have the responsibility to support the studies of our two younger brothers as well.
My first job experience has trained me a lot. I have experienced facing may difficulties especially with my salary. The job was too demanding that even if I love what I’m doing I can’t help but to complain. I had been faithful with my job and I felt like my wage is not enough to suffice all my sacrifices. The bonus I get was the gifts and appreciation given to me by those people whom I had been giving my service. I felt like quitting when my first year in my previous job has ended but my passion kept me going up until I finished my second year and ended my contract. I’ll be honest that I just actually felt like surviving each day for the sake of my love and passion for what I’m doing. I was too hooked up with the idea that as long as I love what I’m doing, no matter what I face and experience is okay. I was so happy because I thought that I’ll finally be able to land a better and high paying job but I was so wrong to even think about it.
As a child, one of the motivations I always heard was that if I graduate, I will get easily hired and I can buy anything I want. It gave me hope and confidence that it will happen in due time. I learned the truth the hard way. I am just 23 and I know that I’ll experience even more difficult situations but I’ve just had enough. I looked for a new job opportunity but sadly I wasn’t hired.
There are different ways on how we are able to live the life given to us. I personally don’t believe with ‘no choice’. Each of us has choices to choose from but only a few are able to choose what’s right. We have cheated others and others have cheated us. Some of us might even see life as unfair but in reality we all just wanted to live a happy, contented and satisfied life.
Living means having a happy and worth living life. It is a kind of life which most of us can’t afford. There are bills to pay, debts to pay, wants to fulfil, jobs to do, family to feed, and so much more. It’s too difficult to assess whether we’re still living or we’re just surviving each day. I have told myself to cry less but I cried more this year than the past few years. I told myself to look for better job opportunities, but I was constantly rejected. I want to become a blessing to my family and friends but how can I do that if I don’t have money to help in our monthly bills? I want to be seen as someone whom they can depend and lean on, but I am broken myself. I felt anxiety, I couldn’t eat right or even have decent sleep. I tried distracting myself but my responsibilities keeps me awake at night and my self-frustrations make me cry hard.
Then I was able to meet my church mates. I was able to share my troubles and laugh hard which caused me to lose my breath and cry with tears of joy. I have a strong support group who cares for me and prays for me every day. I have my family who understands me especially during the times when I just want to keep silent. I have my friends who are still my friends even if we don’t talk or meet often. And most importantly, I have God who knows all my pain. I have God who keep all my tears in a bottle. I have God who comforts and understands me even when I can’t even understand myself. I have a God who isn’t just a God but a Father as well.
I wasn’t even able to enjoy even the simplest things in life. I was too focused in my own miseries and was too busy blaming myself for not doing enough or not getting better. That was all just a mere spur of moment and I always think that I will look back in this journey laughing and telling this story to others to inspire them and make them realize that there’s more to life than being sad over the things I can never control.
Cheers to those who keeps on living in this hard and exhausting life battle!
Congratulations for never losing hope and staying alive this year!
Let us all STOP SURVIVING and START LIVING!
Love_16
December 9, 2020
Wednesday
