Have you ever met someone who is never contented with what he has?
Or maybe someone who never thinks of himself richer and kept asking for more.
People are greedy. It might not have been seen to all of us in a vulgar way but we all has somehow felt wanting for more.
I'm not the materialistic type of person. As long as I can still use an item such as a bag, shoes, notebook, I'll use it. I will not bother buying something new not until what I currently have cannot be used anymore. But I also somehow has this ounce of greediness within me. I was too selfish that my friends way back in highschool unfriended me. I wanted them to be friends only with me because when they start having friends I'll be left alone. I'll be by myself for four years.
"We don't want to be friends with you anymore." I was a second year highschool student that time. When I heard those words from them, I know that I'll be alone and it happened. My only friend are books while all of them has their own circle of friends where they feel more belong. One of our classmates even told me that he's amazed as to how I can spend most of my times answering our books. When it's due for submission I always has an answer to all the questions in the book.
I graduated in highschool with the thoughts that I'll never have to see my former classmates who never actually wants to be friends with me. I don't have to go back to that school and be reminded that no one wanted to be friends with me.
Whenever we have reunions I'll have to come because it has been a tradition of our class. Whenever I'm there I feel so out of place but it's not as if I have a choice because it's like a commitment I have committed to.
Many of them are happily laughing and telling stories with one another while I stay silent. My male classmates will often make me join a circle where all of them are talking. They include me in their conversations but I still don't feel at ease so whenever I was given a chance to leave as early as possible, I leave.
I'm not the type of person you'll want to be friends with. I'm a little smart but I don't have the looks. I also have a nasty temper and attitude. I say what I want to say without minding other people's feelings. I'm not also someone likable by boys where many of them will have a crush on me or try to pursue me. I'm not like that. I'm more of an average student with a bad attitude.
Small but terrible, mean and so on.
Those were just the few words they used to describe me. I always make it seem like I don't care with whatever they say, but deep inside me, I actually feel hurt about it, but I don't show it. I don't want their pity or their consideration with me.
Whenever I think about it now that I'm a young professional, I feel as though it was a phase I should go through because the reality of life is more bitter than my highschool years. It taught me that there's no one else out there who can fully understand me and that I must learn how to be alone because at the end of the day it's only me and myself.
I'm still a work in progress but I don't have to rush myself. I still have a lot of things to learn and to know. My experiences will always be part of me. I can never be who I am today without those memories.
Now, I am able to enjoy being by myself. I don't need to get too attached to people. I don't need to live up to their expectations. I don't need to try to please them.
I'm not saying that being mean is a good thing. But being mean must be put in the right place. It's also important to build connections to people as long as the connection is genuine and it helps in your growth.
It's impossible to change oneself overnight but it's possible to get better in communicating with others.
There is no good in greediness. It only leads people farther away from you. It only makes you more alone.
The most important thing I've realized is that the best things in life are free.
It's free to love or to hate someone. It's free to have fun and enjoy. It's free to love and show random acts of kindness. It's free to choose that path you're going to take. It's free to dwell on the past or move on to a better future.
It's free to become better, do better and get better.
Love_16
December 29, 2020
Tuesday
