I'm sorry are just two words but it leaves deep impression when you are hurt. Sometimes this is what we just need to hear in order to be able to move on with our lives. This might not be enough but it somehow soothes the pain and the long wait for a well-deserved apology.
What does an apology mean?
An apology is given to those people whom we have hurt at some point. Whether it is intentional or not, apology must be given to those whom it is due.
Sometimes even if it's not you who's at fault, you do this for different reasons. Our reasons differ form each other. It is affected by our own principles, thoughts, degree of damage done and by the pain inflicted.
Hurting someone is not limited in physical aspect. It can also be emotional, verbal, intellectual or behavioral.
Physical hurt or wounds can be healed and even if it leaves a scar, technology can do something about it. While on the other hand, emotional and verbal abuse are a lot more difficult to handle. It take years and a lot of effort in order to fully forgive someone who has hurt you this way.
As people grow old, different wounds are obtained which leaves a scar and a story to tell if ever someone asks what happened to your scar. Many people think that it's ugly and they try to conceal it, but the truth is, it is a sign of winning a tough battle and being a victor over an adversary.
Apologizing is important to be taught to younger generations because this is something that most people has already forgotten.
Why is it difficult to apologize?
Pride. The pride that we have eats us whenever we are in a situation when we have to apologize.
Most of the times we allow our pride to talk than our love for someone. The years built in friendship or in a relationship is wasted by just a single mistake. I don't think anyone is selfless enough to admit the mistakes done. Most of us try to hide it and if it's known we try to act as if we never intended to do it in the first place. We do all sort of things just so we can be able to act as if nothing's wrong.
I'm not the one at fault. It's really difficult to ask forgiveness to someone who has hurt us.
Why do I have to apologize?
It's not my fault!
I was the victim!
The more we think about it, the more it's difficult to do so. I was in a situation where I was asking someone to ask for forgiveness even if he's not the one at fault. It seems easy because I wasn't the one who has to do it, but when I was in that same position, I thought this exact same thing. I don't owe anyone an apology, it was I who was hurt by the words said and it was I who was supposed to receive an apology from them but in the end I still did.
I've battled with myself for a few days before finally having the courage to do it. When I did it, I did not receive any response but that doesn't matter, I still want to leave the slate clean and be able to be happy without minding that they don't like me at all.
The degree of damage done. It's difficult to apologize because shame and guilt is eating you. Sometimes we think that the mistake or sin we committed is unforgivable.
When you have caused someone's death or misery you are happy in the beginning but your conscience doesn't want to make you sleep.
There was this mother whose son was killed. Her whole family was in pain and her heart was broken. When she came face to face with her son's killer, what she did was unexpected. She hugged her son's killer and gave him a Bible. The convicted murderer admitted killing her son and cried hard asking for forgiveness and she gave it away by embracing him and giving him a Bible. It was touching at the same time it teaches us the real value of forgiveness.
The person who betrayed you is important to you. When a stranger tells you how ugly you are, you are not too affected. You can even laugh it out, but if it's someone dear to you, it's difficult to forgive.
It wouldn't have been too painful if it's not someone whom you have loved and trusted. If your friend, family, spouse or your lover was the one who committed something unforgivable the pain in much worse.
These might be the case but your heart which has cared so much for that person is aching because you love the person and your mind can't believe that he can do it against you. No amount of reasons are ever enough to justify an act against you.
Whenever I quarrel with someone dear to me, my heart is in pain because I never wanted to hurt him or her in the first place. No one has ever dreamt of being the cause of other people's misery. Even if I wanna make up for what I did, if he is unwilling I can't do anything about it.
Why do you have to apologize?
The emotion will fade but the feeling of pain and getting hurt lasts for a long time. Apologizing is never easy because it shows you how you've caused pain to others.
When you are the one asking for forgiveness, you can't prove your point to others by insisting that it's not your intention or it's not your fault. It's not apologizing at all, it's giving an excuse to justify your actions which leads to a more complicated scenario.
If only I'm sorry is enough to heal all the pain and all the sadness in the heart it will be much easier to continue trusting and accepting the same person who has caused you pain.
These are just a few things that I have said myself for being asked to apologize to someone who has hurt me. When I was the one who was hurt, I felt as though I don't deserve anything that I had been experiencing.
Why should we accept an apology?
It's funny how we all had to accept an apology even if it's not what we want. Yes, saying I'm sorry can soothe the pain but what really matters is the changed attitude.
If we don't accept an apology we are just hurting ourselves. The offender was able to seelp well at night but the offended can't even sleep a wink.
It's always important to accept an apology even if it's asked from us. It's not doing the favor for others, it's you doing yourself a favor. Life is too short to live it with hatred and unforgivingness. It's still much better to sleep soundly at night without any worries that we had been hurt or we have hurt others. It's much better to sleep with love, peace and comfort at night.
I remember the lyrics of a song 'I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late'. I believed in this when I was still a teenager, but as grow older, I came to realize that this isn't true. It's never too late to apologize.
You have to face the fact that in order to forgive others, you must first be able to forgive yourself.
Let us end this year with a happy heart without any burdern, hatred or hurt form anyone. 2020 is already a tough year to begin with. Let us not add anymore pain in our hearts by being unforgiving.
If ever we are to ask an apology let us be sincere and allow our actions to speak louder than the words 'I'm sorry'. I'd ever we are to receive an apology, let us not harden our hearts. Let us take turns in understanding one another and living without any guilt or shame.
December 9, 2020
When we act courageously and own those mistakes that we have made and apologize. Say sorry to those whom we have hurt or offended. we can repair the damage. All it takes is COURAGE!