It's funny how can someone make you feel loved, wanted, cherished and hurt all at the same time. It's as if you are given a whole cake only to be taken away and be left with just a piece.
I can never forget how others will think of me whenever they are in need. It was awful at first but a blessing in disguise as well. Awful because I'm invisible when they don't need me and blessing because at least they are able to think of me when they go through hardships. I'm not popular or someone you would want to be with for the whole day.
They say that I am boring and I don't have the sense which others has. I like to keep it quiet and simple. I don't like much complications in life. I don't want to stand out that much because I hate attention. I don't like being surrounded with too many peoples because it makes me feel uncomfortable.
I was often asked why I chose the teaching profession if I felt this way, I just tell them that it's my passion and it's a lot stronger to drive me in front of the kids than to stay at the back.
I was happy meeting new people, chatting with them and caring for them. I love the fact that I am able to impart good and positive values in their lives. I like teaching them how to be responsible and how to make everyone feel at home in one room.
When I was in elementary I don't have that attachment from my classmates. I am a nobody with nothing but my 2 best friends. I was seated beside the teachers table even if I don't. I hate being in the spotlight but since I am silent my teacher likes it that I am near her.
When I entered high school, we all promised to stay connected and to never forget each of us. But it's ironic as to how I never felt like I belong. I am someone whom everyone hated for my sharp tongue and unkind attitude. The words that come from my mouth are like knives. It's also the main reason why I don't have friends. I'm just glad that they are kind enough to still involve me in their discussions and invite me in reunions.
To be honest, I don't like going to reunions because I know that I am not needed there but for the sake of being their classmate, I felt obligated to come. I am with them but I felt alone. I never really felt like I belong.
It changed when I entered college. I had few genuine friends. Even if we don't often meet, we still have this unbreakable bond and relationship with each other. We talked about life even if the time was way too short to begin with. It's so nice to have them because I never felt like I don't belong.
I had another group of friends who are my workmates in my previous job. 1 male and 4 females. We had a lot of fun together as well as the down moments of our life. We had been together for a year but our friendship is as strong as few years of friendship. I guess it's what really happens when you found the right people to be with. All of them has a lot of friends, while I am the only one who only has two sets of friends.
I entitled this article as everything has changed because I felt different from who I was before. I don't think that much of what others will think of me. I just make sure that I do my job well and I don't cause other people's suffering. I don't hold on to words like 'I will miss you' since none of them really did. I only have 1 student who checks on me from time to time. But no one else did.
The pandemic has taken a toll on everyone's mental health but look at us, still holding on. The pandemic has lots of negative effects but it also has positive effects. It's never limited to one side.
When things don't go the way I want it to be, I don't think or fret about it that much unlike before. I don't worry as much as I did before.
My motto in life has been, 'Give your best in everything you do, so you won't have regrets in the end.'
There's no point in crying over spilled milk. I have to accept the fact things won't always go the way I want it to be. I can't force to make things happen.
You see life isn't life if it's perfect. If I keep on dwelling in the past then I wouldn't be able to move forward. The only constant thing in the world is change so I must be tough enough to accept it.
There's someone greater than me who knows what will happen in my life in the future. I don't need to worry that much since it wouldn't be a good thing for me. I don't want to be unhealthy anymore. My doctor told me not to stress myself especially on the things which I have no control of so yeah, that's what I'm doing.
It's your choice on how you want to live your life. Just always remember that every decision you make creates an impact to your future.
Love_16
March 14, 2021
Sunday
