BeYOUtiful

I have wavy hair which looks frizzy most of the times. It's color is pale black maybe due to me being unhealthy. It's length is up to my waist or sometimes longer. My parents like to keep it that way and I do too. I am short with a height of 4'11. I was sickly while growing up. I always look pale, I have dark circles around my eyes, I'm too skinny, with dry and chopped lips, and I look a lot like a skeleton. I also seem to be easily carried by the wind. The clothes I wear looks baggy. My shoe sizes are for kids. I don't even try to dress up because I'm comfortable with leggings and slippers. Even when I want to wear high heels, my feet can't handle it because I'm flat footed and when I wear rubber shoes its sole must be soft so my feet will be comfortable.

Growing up, I was called names. I thought it's normal because I'm not the only one who experiences it. I thought it's okay to point out other people's flaws but it was never right. It has always been wrong. During my elementary days I am always seated in front. Whenever there are feeding programs I am the number 1 on the list.

When I was in highschool I was given a nickname 'elf'. Whenever our teacher asks us to fall in line I am always in front. I have tall classmates especially men so I'm not wondering why I was given that nickname. While my high school batch mates has developed their physical appearance I look the same. Nothing new.

When I was in college my looks affect most people while I'm not bothered at all. I like to keep myself simple, without makeup and wearing leggings and shirt. Pants are too uncomfortable for me. I don't wear shorts, skirts or off shoulder clothes. I like wearing shirts for men and jogging pants. I even keep my hair tied up because the people around me are bothered with it. I almost seem to be invisible because I don't blend in. My classmates wear make up, and stylish clothes while I don't. It's not that I'm not confident with how I look but it's more of I'm uncomfortable to dress up like them.

You have average looks.

Nothing special.

You look like a hanger.

You will look beautiful if you have your hair rebonded.

Why don't you try to use whitening soap?

Try changing your fashion.

Use contact lenses instead of eyeglasses.

You will look beautiful if you wear makeup or liptint.

You look like a walking knife.

These words are what I commonly hear but it's unsolicited. I never asked for any of those because I know how I look. You don't have to tell me. First of all my physical appearance is due to me being sickly. I have medicines to take and I need to keep myself healthy. No matter how I try to gain weight I can't because I'm not okay physically. I don't have much time to get bothered by my looks. I dress up to my comfort. I don't dress up for other people. I wear eyeglasses because I have poor eyesight. It's not as if I chose to wear one.

I don't like showing too much skin. I have a terrible experience wearing a dress when I was kid. So as much as possible I don't like wearing it. I was actually labeled conservative or Maria Clara it's because I want myself covered up.

I don't like my hair to be rebonded because I love its curls. I like to keep it long because it fly's away when it's short. I love the color of my skin. It's the natural color of Filipinos. It's not as if I'll become someone else when I have white skin. I am contented with how I am. Besides I dress up whenever I needed to, but it's not to impress the crowd.

I want this to be an eye opener to other people. You must think of what you're about to say in front of anyone no matter what intentions you have. Words are too powerful. It can either break or make someone. Keep your thoughts to yourself especially if it's unsolicited. No one is interested enough to know what you want to say.

I've had an emotional damage experiencing these things. I have a strong personality so they think that it's okay to say whatever they want to say. Often times I don't talk back. I will just stare at the person until he realizes that I don't need his opinion about me. I am confident to say that I am intelligent enough not to waste my time arguing with this kind of people. They thought it's fine because I don't talk back.

My college professor once complimented me for my skills and knowledge but I had this classmate who joked 'sir it's just her voice that is beautiful not her face.' I just looked at her and smiled. At least I have the highest score and I was even recognized for my skills than to be someone who blabbers about something that was never asked for. She overlooked my skills for my looks but my professor is smart and kind enough not to base his judgement on physical appearance.

You see no matter what you wear or what you look like people always has something to say about you. I am not saying that you must not seek to improve yourself, what I'm saying is that in order for you to become beautiful you need to accept your flaws.

Everyone has different story which are often untold and we don't need to explain ourselves form time to time in order for us to become accepted. If I don't fit in this world's standard of beauty, then I will make my own standard of beauty.

I dress up to express myself not impress the people around me. I admit I'm not a saint I have a fare share of hurting people but I never based my attitude on how a person looks or how he dress up. I can say that I am sensitive enough not to make fun of someone for his looks because I know the damage it makes. I've been there. I know how it feels to be in their shoes.

Women wear makeup not to look the same. Why waste time on applying make up when you will just look the same afterwards? Some even wear flashy clothes to express themselves not to get harassed. Women are not inviting men to harm them whenever they wear shorts, skirts, off shoulder, spaghetti straps or skin tight dresses. Women don't wear high heels to get in the fashion, because women are the fashion. Without women who will wear high heals? Men? I've watched a kdrama (It's okay not to be okay) wherein a psychologist said that when a person wears flashy clothes it's like an armor that protects that person.

So what if you have extra fats? Fats can be burned by right diet and exercise but a bad behavior cannot be changed. So what if you have acne problems? You can have it checked by a dermatologist. So what if you're too skinny? You can seek a dietician for help. So what if you look different from others? You are not yourself anymore if you like them. So what if you don't wear flashy clothes? You are beautiful as you are. So what if you are not as white as them? Your color is beautiful as it is.

Stop proving your worth by showing off. Remember that nobody's perfect. Remember that you are valued not based on what you wear or how you look. You are you. Stop listening to the shouts of the world about you. Listen to the whisper of God that tells you how beautiful you are. Stop trying to go with the flow start going against the flow. The world will always show you that you are not enough, you need to change yourself so that you'll become accepted, you need to meet it's standard if you want to fit in. With or without makeup you are and will always be beautiful.

As for the critics, there is no excuse for being rude. You have no right to belittle someone just because you feel superior over them. A person is not judged based on how he looks or what he wears. Even if you are labeled who has the most beautiful face, if your attitude is rotten, it's useless. It's okay to tell your opinion as long as it's in a nice way and your purpose is to help and uplift but if your purpose is to break someone's self-esteem that's when you'll have to stop. Be kind enough to think of others and considering the benefits of your critics.

Actually most critics also experienced the same thing. They were hurt badly so they will hurt others as well so that the pain is not just in them. The best thing to do for the critics is to pray for them and ask God to heal them. According to a pastor, Hurt people, hurt people. It might not be their intention but it comes out. Besides no one has ever wanted to hurt others.

If you really want to improve yourself, you have to do it both ways. Make sure that you are changing for the better for YOURSELF and not just to please the people around you because it's tiring. The more you try to prove your worth by meeting their standards the more you'll feel exhausted. But if you're improving yourself for yourself then it's a lot easier to look at the cirtics and say "I'm improving for myself."

There's nothing wrong with wanting to look beautiful but if your money goes to nothing else except trying to look pretty that's when the problem arises. Yes physical appearance is important especially when you are a professional or working but you msut also remember that it's not just about the looks. It is also about the brain and the attitude.

In this era when Kdramas, korean idol groups, foreign movies and even foreign items are being enjoyed by many people around the world its difficult not to get swayed and have the idea that you must also look like them. When you see actors, actresses or even idols you see perfection. It's as if they don't have any flaw in them. Tiny waist line, flawless skin, long legs, fair skin complexion, big boobs and butt, but it doesn't matter. Everyone of us will grow old. That beautiful face will eventually fade but a beautiful heart stays the same no matter how long it takes. Many might want beautiful faces but it's not the beauty on the outside that matters, what matters is what's inside.

Accept your flaws so you can change it. Self acceptance is the key towards being changed. After changing physically, start changing internally. Start being more positive about yourself and others. Start being an inspiration that no matter how hurt you've been, you will never return the same pain to others. Be kind and understanding but never allow yourself to become a laughing stock. Explain yourself and when they don't accept it the problem is with them. You did your part so allow them to do theirs. You are the one in control of what you will allow your mind to absorb. After getting changed, allow yourself to help others who has the same experience. You experienced it, so you can share your story and inspire others. Never lose your identity. Don't be too harsh on yourself. Change takes time.

The real standard of beauty is not the make up or the clothes, it's what's in the heart. You are already empowered by God.

1 Corinthians 15:10 “By the grace of God, I am what I am.”

~ Praise God for making you the beautiful you.

Proverbs 31:30 NIV Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

~ The fear of the Lord is what makes a woman beautiful.

Proverbs 31:25 NLT She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

~ You are dignified and you have nothing to fear about.

Psalm 46:5 "God is within her, she will not fall."

~ No matter what the world tells you, God is with you.

💕 In case you're wondering how I look now, I look a lot better and healthier. My family and friends are happy to know that my physical appearance looks better. I did a good job in making myself healthy.

Love_16