Beyond blessed

Out of all the things that I gave experienced for the 24 years of my existence, I therefore conclude that I am beyond blessed. God blessed me so I can bless others as well.

When I was younger, when I hear the word blessings, the first thing that comes to my mind is money. You are blessed if you have lots of money and you are not blessed if you have no money. You are blessed if you live in a huge house in a subdivision, if you have a car, if you are studying in a prestigious school, if you have no problem going to doctors for check up, if you always travel, if you always go to the mall to buy new gadgets, if you always eat out and most importantly, you are blessed if you don't have to think of where you'll get the money that you will use to buy food and drinks or to pay for your bills.

It was too shallow of me to think that way and I was even more enlightened when I started working. When I was studying, life was never easy. My brother has to provide for me, and my sister's tuition and allowances. Even though I studied in a state university, there will still be projects, thesis and bills to pay plus money for transportation and food. I remember going to school with packed lunch and I try to save money s much as I can since I can't just always ask money from my brother. My sister and I did all the things we know just so we can save up money and not constantly ask for it from our brother. He works in a BPO company and he waited for me and my sister to finish our studies before he decided to get married. He is now married with one baby boy.

When I was a student, I always wanted to start working so I can start reaching my dreams and goals in life. I thought that if I am working, I can definitely get all the things I want to have in life. But that's when the reality of adulting sink in. I am an education graduate but wasn't treated one. My boss and workmates alike are all toxic. There was a great demand for all of us. My salary is 8,500 pesos per month. I am working from 7 a.m. until 4 p.m. I have an overloaded schedule. I have to provide for my youngest brother's needs in his studies. I have to pay to the review center. I also give money to my mother as my share in the house.

Looking back, I don't know how I was able to do all those things if I wasn't blessed enough by God. I have no friends so I don't have anyone to share my troubles with. I do have my churchmates and my pastors who constantly pray for me and my whole family.

Aside from all those things that happened, I was able to pass the Licensure Examination for Teachers the same year I've taken it. Then, I finished my two years contract in that private school. I applied to public school right away but I was not able to pass due to incomplete requirements. You see, my boss did not provide my COE as he wanted me to finish my contract completely before I can have it. That's when the pandemic happened.

I was stressed out. I don't feel hungry. I have nightmares. I am anxious. I can't sleep well and I constantly cry for seeing myself as someone who is a failure. I have no career, savings, investment, I have nothing literally. Then, as I browse the Facebook, I will see my batchmates getting promoted or getting hired in public school while I am stuck at home, unemployed and doing nothing.

My brother encouraged me to try applying in a BPO company and I got hired after all the background checks, requirements, interviews and such. But I still tried applying in public school for the second time. Then there came the day I cried the hardest.

Me and my siblings list our father. My mama lost her husband. My nieces and nephews lost their grandfather. I have no time to process everything and all that I know is that no words can describe how painful it is. The night we knew that he was dead, was also the night that I received congratulatory messages saying that I finally have a school to teach at.

It was really heartbreaking, traumatizing and up until now, I'm still grieving. Then, after completing the requirements in public school I started teaching right away. It has always been my desire to teach young generation. Teachers has the biggest influence in students lives. I want to be a good influence and a good example to them.

Then, I remembered how I kept on declaring all throughout the year 2021 that I am indeed a favored child of God.

Job 1:21 NLT

He said, “I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The lord gave me what I had, and the lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the lord!”

Job 2:10 NLT

But Job replied, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” So in all this, Job said nothing wrong.

I was reminded of this verse. Job lost everything in a day. But he never sinned against God by blaming Him for what He allowed Job to experience. Yes, I'm heartbroken but the God I am serving I the greatest healer. Yes, I'm crying for losing my father but God is still in His throne. I might not know the reason why, since I don't have to really know it, instead, I must always trust God in everything that happens to me and my family.

I finally decided to let go and not take control of anything else. I just do what I can and allow the Lord to do the rest. I am slowly healing from the pain and brokenness and God was there. He knows my pain. He sees it. He's always here with me and my whole family.

I can now see it clearer, how beyond blessed I am. I still have the breath of life. I have a house to live in, a family to be with, a job and most importantly, I always have God. I am blessed to know God and keep on believing in Him. He is always more than enough for me and my whole family. God is an amazing and good good father.

Love_16

January 4, 202

Tuesday