A year late

Dear Papa,

I'm sorry pa if I'm giving you the 5,000 pesos you were asking me as a birthday gift, a year late. I'm sorry for getting mad at you that time thinking that it's never easy to earn money and you seem to just easily ask for it whenever you want. I'm sorry for not giving it to you when you are still alive and you can still appreciate it. I'm sorry for being a stubborn daughter who takes after your attitude that if I want something, I have to do everything I can to have it.

I'm sorry for ignoring you unintentionally and getting mad at you for trying to speak to me early in the morning when I haven't had any sleep. I'm sorry papa for not giving you the life that you deserve. I was just starting that time so I don't have the resources and the finances to give your wants. I'm sorry for losing my patience whenever I talk to you.

I'm just glad that you have experienced the money cake and the money bouquet. I hope that it somehow made you happy when you received it on your anniversary and birthday. I'm sorry papa for not showing you how much I love you and now regretting it so much.

I know that you're always happy in heaven pa. I know that God is always with you and that God answered our prayers. He answered our prayer for you to have a long, happy and healthy life because you're too tired about your situation that you can't even describe how you feel. You have too many medicines to take and you need to use the nebulizer twice a day just so you can breathe. God answered our prayer by taking you home. In heaven you will never feel pain or sadness. You will spend your days in the glory and presence of God. God answered our prayers not in the way we're expecting it to be answered.

There was this one time when you told me about the oxygen tank for your air supply and I asked you if you want to have one but you told me that you don't want it because it's expensive. You know what pa, when God called you home, we were able to spend a good sum of money for it. Sadly it was the day when you left us permanently. I wasn't even able to give you the 5,000 you were asking. I'm so sorry pa.

I'm so sorry pa for not being there for you when you need someone to talk to. I was asleep in the morning and awake by the evening because I was working as a call center agent. I don't have much time to speak to you and even ask how are you doing. I'm sorry pa for all my lapses as your daughter.

I miss you so much. Greeting me early in the morning, asking me to eat, telling me you love me and showing that beautiful smile of yours. I'm sorry pa for the times that we fought because we can't seem to agree about a few things. It's almost 8 months when you left us but the pain is still here. I still wake up in the morning thinking if what happened was true.

I'm afraid pa, that one day I'll forget how your voice sounds or forget how you look like. Pa, I'm working now as a public school teacher. God also answered your prayers because I got hired in the school near our house. The night when God decided to call you home, was also the night when I got hired in public school. You now have a daughter who teaches in public school.

I miss you so much pa, everyday. One time I cleaned the altar for your urn and I couldn't help but cry because I just miss you so much. I made sure to wipe all the dirt and dust while wiping my tears as well. Pa, I miss you so much and I love you.

I'll be giving the 5,000 to mama because you said that what's yours is owned by mama. I'm sorry if it's a year late. I'm sorry if you can't receive it. I'm sorry if you aren't here. I'm so sorry pa.

I also remember the father's day last year because I wasn't able to give you anything thinking that we'll be able to celebrate it this year. I'm so sorry pa for not appreciating you enough and not showing my love for you enough. I'm so sorry pa and please always remember that I love you. You are forever in my heart.

Lord, please take care of my father for me and please let him know how much I regret not appreciating and loving him enough. Please let him know that we are taking good care of our mama. Thank you Lord.

Love_16

May 21, 2022

Saturday