A List: Unwanted attitude
I'm still discovering a lot of things about myself on a daily basis and those discoveries are actually eye openers for me to do better and become better. This article is about a list of my unwanted attitude which has somewhat both positive and negative effects towards me and the people around me.
Telling my plans to others
Lately, I've seen that I can't keep things to myself that much. I have to say it to someone and after sharing it to others, I'll regret it so much. It always make me feel bad after thinking things through. One of my new friends told me that I should be careful on whom and what I share to others because most of them will definitely talk bad about me behind my back. I don't know what has gotten into me but I can't seem to keep myself from sharing my plans to other people. Most of them don't even care bout me or what I'm going through.
Deciding for others (Paladesisyon)
Since I can't get a hold of my tongue lately, I've been saying words which becomes destructive to others. My sister and her daughter has the same birthday. We were having a video call when I invited my brother who was about to go abroad to work and his family. My sister got mad because she doesn't have budget for it and she scolded me for inviting my brother to their birthday. I told her that I'll give her money for additional food for their birthday but she was really unhappy. I ruined her special day because of my unfiltered tongue. Instead of enjoying her day, she was just definitely mad at me for it.
Doing what I want when I want to do it
I am never the type of person to be late or to procrastinate things that can be done today. I always see to it that I always finish on time and that I don't have to wait for the next day to do the things I have to do within the day. When I want to do something, I'll do it with or without the consent of others. For example, my account has been locked out so I can't renew my license. I've contacted a lot of people whom I know will be able to help me but none of them responded positively so I ended up putting everything into my hands. I sent an email for my account verification and I was able to retrieve my account afterwards. In other words, my license was renewed even without the help from others. I believe that if there's a will, there's a way.
When I want to rant, I'll rant to the person whom I thought is trustworthy but get I always get betrayed in the end
The problem about me is the fact that I trust people way too easily. I've had a workmate whom I've always considered as a friend but she betrayed me in the end. If not for the screenshots to a GC, I wouldn't have known that they had been talking about me behind my back more than once. I've been reluctant and too lenient which caused my despair. I thought that whatever I shared to her will be kept between the two of us but I was definitely wrong. She stabbed me behind my back and I ended up losing, hearing them say awful things about me, read about it and I was alone in that fight while they all go against me. Others did not want to pry so I ended up defending myself.
As you can notice, I am not perfect and I will never be. I am someone who's so used to being lonely that I don't know how to mingle with others. I know that many people dislike me so I just often tell myself that I need to love myself more than anyone else. I need to make sure that I love and care for myself so even if I'm alone, I will never have to bear it all inside my heart.
I always tell myself to keep everything to myself so I can avoid conflicts in which I'm learning to do it little by little. I'm starting to keep everything between you (readers) and myself. Tomorrow, I will never repeat the same mistakes and make sure to lessen this negative attitude of mine.
Love_16
April 23, 2022
Saturday
