20's

Life is a journey. It has ups and downs, highs and lows, good and bad times, and it is never a smooth ride. It is never complete without the salty taste of tears and the bitter feeling about how life didn't go the way you want it to.

You will meet people whom you thought will be with you forever. People whom you once considered as your family. You will have friends who will only be your friends for a short while. You will meet strangers who will become your friends and eventually lose them in the process.

Your journey as a student will come to an end and you'll eventually face the reality of life. You will be stretched out of your comfort zone. You will need to make choices according to you considering the people around you.

You might have regrets for each choice you made. You might have what if's and but's. You might get angry at the world or even at yourself. You might have cried a bucket of tears for everything you hoped for but you can't fulfill.

You might have thought of giving up frequently. Saying that you've had enough or you've did your best but it's never good enough. You might have been secretly crying each night and wakes up the next day without any trace of your last night tears.

You might be drinking, partying, shopping and smoking to ease your stress even when you perfectly know that it isn't what you really need. You might have been too tired to even wake up the next day. But you still do. You still wake up, get up and continue with your life.

You'll see your batch mates happy with their lives. Some of them might have been married, successful in their career, flourishing business, dream house, dream car and so much more. Then you might have felt as though you're left behind.

You might have felt envious as to how those people whom you thought can never accomplish anything in life have accomplished so much more than you. You might have compared yourself to them thinking that you are way better than them. You might also consider yourself smarter but then wonder what you did so wrong that you are unable to do better and be better.

You might have felt miserable and slowly losing the will to wake up the next day. You might have been in a job which is not your cup of tea. Saying that you actually have no choice and stay even when you're not valued and appreciated enough.

You might indulge yourself on material things in order to ease the gap you're feeling. You might be stuck with your responsibilities to your family and be the breadwinner. Unable to buy what you want and even the things you need because you need to put your family first. You might be the one paying your family bills, sustaining your family needs, and even has younger siblings whom you need to take care of their studies.

You might be the one whom they always call whenever they need something and feel unloved, unappreciated or unvalued whenever they don't even remember asking how you're doing.

You might have felt frustrated and sad at some point. Thinking that you want to buy something or go somewhere but you can't do so since your responsibility is much heavier than your wants and most especially your needs.

The reality of life strikes you hard when you can no longer take it. And feel as though you want to turn your back against everything and just leave. Leave everything behind.

Personal Experience:

I though that when I reach this age, I'll have everything figured out. But I was wrong. I have nothing figured out. My goals and expectations are never met.

Everyday I wake up wanting to give up and just leave everything behind. I want to just live for myself and not think of my responsibilities anymore.

I go to work wanting to resign each day. I don't for in this job but I can't quit either. Of I do so, my whole family is at stake. I'm constantly frustrated with myself and I always have the people around me to cheer me up and remind me to never give up.

None of my expectations, dreams and goals are met. I'm way too far from where I want to be. I always ask myself until when do I have to be like this. Until when do I have to do this. Until when can I keep up with what's happening in my life.

I'm constantly exhausted and my stress is way too much to handle. All the symptoms of toxic stress manifests in my body. I'm not sick but I'm stressed out and what it does to my body is way too much for me to handle.

I can't help but wonder until when do I have to feel this way and until when do I have to wake up exhausted.

I want to go somewhere no one knows me so that I'll be free to do whatever I want or need in life. I want to be free from all the stress and all the worries of life.

Love_16

May 13, 2021

Thursday