2020 is not a wasted year

This year has been so far the toughest year for me. I have so many things which I wanted to do but I was unable to do it. I have self expectations and goals which I haven't achieved.

In my entire 23 years of existence on earth, I know that I still have a lot of things yet to experience but it seems that I can no longer wait for it to happen. I've been doing things on my own.

The two-year contract in my first job has ended last March 2020. My experience was mixed emotions. I've had ups and downs in my professional career. I felt as though I did not grow.

I've experienced being humiliated by my own workmates. It seems as though I'm not the same level as them. One of them has pointed fingers at me with wide eyes. She wasn't able to get the reaction she wants to get from me.

My boss is not the kindest boss you'll ever meet. He always shouts at his employees, our salaries was too low and we don't even have enough time to rest. He has his expectations way too high which makes it unrealistic. We even experienced delayed salaries. Our salaries are constantly deducted for our mandatory contribution but when I checked it online, my contributions wasn't paid monthly. It was supposed to be 20 months payment but I have 6 payments unpaid by my boss.

When were late the HR was very eager to deduct money from our salaries but when it's time for us to receive it we have to wait for them to give it to us. The workplace was toxic and my other co-workers wants to have the favor of our boss. They tell lies to our boss and our boss believes them because they have worked longer to that establishment than us.

The job itself was already exhausting, the stress was added by my toxic co-workers. There's an eye everywhere. One wrong move and you'll be called at the office to be scolded.

My salary is below minimum but the job requires me to work for 9 hours a day and overtime with no pay that's why I was unable to save up any amount of money. My boss has died July this year due to his his health conditions. Before my contract has ended, I was applying to a new job. I felt so happy because I'll finally be free from a toxic working environment. Then the lockdown came.

I was confident enough that I'll get the job but I didn't. I even compared myself to others and asked what's wrong with me, but there's no answer to it. I cried because I was too disappointed with myself. I feel ashamed to all the people who has been with me to a new journey towards having a new working environment but the same career.

I've had my family, churchmates, and friends who has helped me. I felt as though their efforts of help and support was wasted. I cried by myself for a long time. I shared it to others but they just always tell me that it's okay and that I'm still young and I still have a lot of things yet to experience.

Then my journey towards landing a new job began by September. It wasn't very pleasant. I thought that when you're a degree holder with good credentials, years of work experience and license it's enough to get hired, but I thought wrong.

I wasn't hired at all. I passed my resumés online and had my demo, interview and so on but I'm always rejected. I'm never hired. I even came to a point when I was too focused on getting a job that I submitted my resumés with facebook jobs. I never had a good feed back. I was constantly rejected. Some companies had send me an email or text that I wasn't hired but most of the times I'm rejected with no further reason and explanation.

I ranted about it to my family, friends and churchmates but still I didn't feel well. Everyday I woke up tired from sleeping the night before. I've had to think of the same problem over and over again. I lost my appetite for food. I can't sleep well. I always wake up in the middle of the night and have a hard time sleeping again. I sleep late and wake up at dawn. My hyperacidity is back due to stress.

I see our home which needs to be fixed as well as our monthly bills. I was supposed to be helping in our bills and food but I can't because I'm unemployed.

My youngest brother has to go to our older brother's house because we don't have an intenet connection at home. He has to take care of our nephew and help in a few household chores in there. It was painful for me because I wasn't able to take responsibility for him. I was supposed to be providing for his needs but I can't. I was so frustrated to the point that I don't talk that much to my family. Since it's lockdown, I stay at home and my jaw almost locked for not speaking.

You see the effect of being unemployed, pandemic, lockdown and being unable to help my family has affected me way too much. I felt ashamed of myself for being a college graduate who is unemployed. I'm supposed to be helping in our financial aspect. I should be someone whom my family can rely on. I must be the one to come to their minds if ever they need help. But how can I be if I'm unemployed with no savings?

My family never forced me into anything which I am always grateful for but my responsibility is constantly reminding me that I can't stay this way. I needed to do something.

Read cash was introduced to me by my former workmate last November 5. My first articles were about my feelings but as time goes by I've learned how to write a proper article. Read Cash has helped me in terms of finance. It also helped me by allowing me to write anonymously. I've had a new outlet where I can pour out my thoughts and emotions. It helped me cope with my current situation.

Then after 2 months and 15 days, I was contacted by the first company I applied to. I wasn't hopeful enough because I've experienced going through the process and not getting hired in the end.

The twist is that after getting interviewed and going through assessment, the process to getting hired in this company has been a lot easier to take. I already know what to do and how to answer interview questions.

I thought that my journey towards landing a job is finished but God has allowed me to be trained for this better opportunity. I had been busy since November 25 trying to fix my requirements. My last requirement is done by December 29, Tuesday. Praise God for His never ending love and favor.

I actually considered 2020 as a wasted year but God proved me wrong.

My expectations wasn't met because God still has a lot of things in store for me. I might have been trying to do things on my own and God made me realize that it's His will which will always prevail.

The continuous rejection has made me realize that it's not what I want. It will always be what God wants. I might have cried a lot but God was there to comfort me.

I thought that this year was wasted because I continuously wait for nothing but true enough, waiting is never wasting.

For those who had an experience the same or worse than me, cheer up! There still a lot of things that God can do for us.

Love_16

December 26, 2020

Saturday