January 25, 2021 to March 25, 2021
I'm finally out of the box but I still somehow want to go inside of it. It's overwhelming as well as fulfilling.
From the time I started the training up until the time that I have started working on my own I can say that I haven't improved much.
I still fail my assessments. I'm still on my way to familiarization with the process and the work itself. I'm still unable to do things on my own. I'm still not used to the changing schedules. I'm still unproductive and most of all, everything I imagined when I started working is still an imagination.
I wanted to save up money but now, I done even have a single penny. I have a lot of bills to pay and a family to help. I need money for my TMJ braces.
Most of the times, I think of wanting to give up and just look for other job opportunities but I'm reminded of my current situation. I can't go back to my season last year. It was sad, depressing, tiring and I admit that I wasn't able to take care of myself that much which is what I'm reaping right now.
I sow unhealthy habits last year so I'm reaping it all right now. Not eating on time, not sleeping on time, not exercising and not drinking vitamins even when there are available vitamins to drink, most importantly not talking to people. I was so used of keeping everything in so I ended up unhealthier than ever.
This year I experienced going back and forth to the doctor and not enjoyed my rest days as I should. My stomach ids constantly aching, I feel bloated, I have medicines to take and I have lots of food restrictions. Every weekend I felt as though I'm stuck in an unhealthy routine. I do nothing except to eat, sleep, and work.
I hung the laundry last Saturday because I just felt like I needed to do something. I also cleaned a few areas of the house and now I am trying to function better than ever. I don't want to stay stuck in this situation with no one to depend on but myself. I have to do better and strive for the best.
My friends were asking for us to meet outside, eat and catch up with each other. Sadly the lockdown is back due to the Covid-19 surge. So were left with nothing but to chat each other online and hope for the best.
One of the most important things I learned while working in this company is the power of the mind. You don't always need to like what you do to perform better. The people around you are enough to motivate you to do better even if you don't like it.
My family is the sole reason why I always aim to do better, be better and strive for the best I can.
Life isn't always cupcakes and rainbows. This was the line I can never forget from the movie Trolls. This line was said to princess Penelope in order to remind her that life isn't as easy as she wants it to be.
As humans, we often wish to have a comfortable and wealthy life style. No one has ever wanted to live in squatters area. We all want to have our own mansions, sports cars, successful business, pieces of land in different areas, servants and so much more. Sadly, this is not the reality for everyone.
Life without problems, trials, struggles, difficulties etc isn't life at all. If life is perfect that life isn't here on earth. That life can only be found in heaven.
I can't still work on my own. I still need the guidance of my trainer. I'm still adjusting and even though I wanted to do things on my own, I just can't. I became too dependent to her. I don't actually look like someone who is working because I don't have a work done by myself. Every single thing I do must be approved by her because I'm afraid to commit mistakes. I'm afraid to make the whole team fail because of me.
Earlier I'm on the brink of crying. I just don't have anything to do. I just really wanna quit my job so I won't cause any trouble to the team. I felt so down and sad but giving up is not the best choice for me.
I guess I'll have to live and start doing things on my own.
Love_16
March 25, 2021
Thursday
