After getting married we were sooo happy together. Halos hindi kami mapaghiwalay! Netflix, dates, travels, washing dishes, cooking, and in almost everything... we love doing things together.
After a month of getting married I got pregnant and when he said I'll court you forever, it doubled! Syempre dalawa na kaming inaalagaan niya.
Ang sarap pala na kasama mo ung partner mo no?
But he had to leave us again for work and ever since umalis siya, everything changed.
From long night calls nung engaged palang kami na halos umaga na magkausap pa to early good nights.
From long sweet messages to "Kamusta check up mo?" "Kamusta si baby?" "Ano sabi ni Doc?"
From ending our phone calls with I miss you and I love you to "Vitamins mo ha?"
It is really different from how we used to communicate! Everything is sooo different.
Until a week after giving birth nag breakdown ako and confronted him," HINDI MO NA BA AKO MAHAL? We really had an argument!
Then he told me, "Ano ba ung basis mo ng love? Sweetness lang ba? Syempre mahal kita but in a different level na." Then we started communicating our feelings...
You know what I learned from this?
1. There are thousands of ways to say I love you!
Sisiw ang LDR samin before pero iba pala pag mag asawa na! This is the longest time we've been together in person and ever since we got married, nasanay kami showing affection in person.
In marriage, caring for your partner is the new kilig way of showing love. Long sweet messages becomes cringey because in person, nanjan ung little things like pag kuha sayo ng tubig, pag prepare ng isusuot ng partner mo, pag timpla ng kape, iaabot nalang ung vitamins before sleep, plus hugs and kisses are always available and ALL THESE could also mean I LOVE YOU! Bonus na ung extra mile efforts which is important din naman.
Kaya ngayong LDR, pinapatulog pala ako kasi he knows how tired and worn out I am from pregnancy to motherhood kahit gusto pa niya ako kausap because we all know how lonely it is to work abroad lalo sa barko.
He cares about my vitamins, schedules, and check ups, kung kamusta kami, because he's not here and he can't physically take care of us.
Concern means I love you, time means I love you, checking on you means I love you, providing for the family means I love you.
So to those spouse thinking na cold na ung partner nila, I realized, there are thousands of ways of saying I love you!
2. Work it out together
He reminded me about my answer in our marriage counseling when our ninong/pastor asked me, "Paano mo nasabi na mahal mo siya?" I answered, "Mahal ko siya hindi sa kaya niya ibigay sakin, kundi dahil sa kaya kong ibigay sa kanya."
So dapat ung definition ng love is not based sa natatanggap mo. You both work it out together, punuan niyo ang pagkukulang ng isat isa.
3. Communicate everything
Sa marriage bawal ang taguan ng feelings. When you feel in love, tell your partner. When you're angry, pag usapan. When you feel cold, sabihin mo din. Learn from me, wag niyong patagalin! Wag nang palalimin ung mga roots na pwedeng sumabog sa future.
Baka kasi misunderstanding lang. Baka post partum lang kaya mo nafefeel un, baka pagod lang kayo, baka kailangan lang mag usap para magkaintindihan.
Give your partner a chance to explain and also yourself a peace of mind lalo sa mga LDR like us, communication is the key!
4. Pray for your spouse
Hindi laging all knowing ung partner natin para malaman how we want to be treated, meron at meron sila pwede ma miss out on how to become a good spouse and parent, so pray for wisdom.
Hindi sila laging malakas, minsan napapagod physically and emotionally, so pray for strength.
Di naman sila perfect so talk to God to talk to your spouse. If may gusto kang baguhin sa kanya, hayaan mong ang Lord ang magbago sa kanya.
We are not perfect as a person and as a couple but we have a perfect God.
And when you allow God to be the center of your marriage, it will never go wrong.