"Disappointment Hurts, But Self-Disappointment Kills"

Have you ever wonder when will you taste the sweetness of your own personal breakthroughs? Glancing on social media, scrolling down, one by one looking at your friends successes and the 'look-a-like' achievements has put a smile on your face but unconsciously dents something inside your heart. Looking at their shiny bling, expensive branded cars and the dream house that only belonged to your dreams and imaginations seemed like were packaged only to their favor and terms. Every tap on their photos and click of likes and hearts, is like seeds of insecurities and discouragements planted and thriving inside your disappointed heart. When will it be your turn to share your stories of success and victories? How long will it take before the light shed in the darkness you've been fighting against but now has become a safe hiding? You are now left to wonder, is there really light at the end of this tunnel? Or the train has already passed and no longer you will be able to wander? The disappointment has hurt you but self-disappointment is killing you and what is most disheartening is that it feels like you are falling even deeper into its ambush.

As hard as it is to explicitly express the things above, obviously I do have my own share of self-disappointment. My dreams were high and I followed every step they told me. Listened to wise counsel and devoted myself to growing and learning. Still, I feel disappointed. Disappointed because I feel disappointed on things I thought would be different. I know by now that we were never promised an easy life for life itself is defined with colours but not all colours are bright, some are there to define a fine portrait of art which is the gray and the black.

To add to this self-pity confession, disappointment as we know allies with grief and pain. Disappointment hurts however self-disappoint can kill someone's soul. It permeates like a poison that slowly kill your joy and passion. It is like an arrow that pierce and rip hopes and dreams apart. It is an unimaginable weighty feeling that others can not easily discern. It can be disguised with a 'happy contented life' but from deep within screams loudly for help.

Life has peaks and valleys but both are still sceneries. Both has to be ventured and both should be explored. Sometimes we cause those valleys in our life because of some 'unfortunate' decisions we make, however some our presented uninvited by life itself. Regardless of how, we may not yet see the best spectacle of what life can offer and we've been shivering trying to hold on to our ground waiting for it to come, I only hope that we may never lose the instinct to position ourselves to see the different angle and view of life.

We may have lost our grit and hope on things because it didn't result to how we first invision it to be, nevertheless let us choose to live life by allowing ourselves to feel today and be thankful of possible tomorrows. This may mean taking one step infront of the other, but as long as we are moving towards the 'uncertain' tomorrow, that is exactly enough for what you need for today..and who knows, tomorrow might bring its own glimpse of light.