@Kristofferquincy 25 March 2022

Was writing an article tonight when I suddenly changed my mind and deleted it all from draft. I'm mentally unstable tonight, memories are hunting me. I miss my brother... It's annoying, he died ten years ago. Ten years ago is a long time but the events of that day feel fresh as though it happened yesterday. We had spent about seven days in the hospital when things suddenly changed over night and he died on Sunday morning- the 7th of October 2012. I've felt lonely ever since... it was frustrating and annoying as my Dad had died barely ten months earlier. My mom was in shock but I'd rather not talk about this. Getting over my dad's death was easy but my brother's death is something I can't get over. The events of that week plays itself in my head daily and I can't escape it. Irrespective of how busy I am, it just finds its way to pop up in my head. Every conversation reminds me of him, every event. It's annoying that I can no longer have a normal conversation without being reminded that he once existed. It gets worse daily, almost like it happened yesterday... I need my head cleared, I need it erased... I sometimes feel relieved knowing by his death as he was sickle celled and he got to escape this world of pain and suffering to a better place. All of his pictures were disposed soon after but I still remember his face, his voice, and everything about him vividly as though I still saw him yesterday It just isn't isn't fair that the memories remain. It hunts me daily and I'm beginning to lose my mind. I've gone through so much pain in this world and I can't do anything about it. I need my memory cleared. I want to forget everything. I want to be free from all this. I deserve to be happy. I don't deserve sad memories, I don't deserve to be reminded of how I was young and naive and couldn't save my brother from dying. I still see him in my dreams but it's not happy kind. My dreams constantly remind me of his death and I find myself crying till I wake up... . Life isn't fair! I need a break from it all. I deserve a better life. I had to delete the article I was writing initially as I am no longer in a good mood. I want to talk to someone to someone tonight. Somebody... Anybody... I need to be distracted as I don't see sleep coming tonight. I once had a brother, but not anymore!