Five (5) ways to build self-esteem and self-confidence!
4th of April 2022
1. Self-acceptance is key
We don't honour our strengths enough but always look at our weaknesses and pinpoint all our failures when there's over twenty thousand things that we're doing right.
For example, I might be good at public speaking but when it comes to group interactions I might freak out and have a panic attack or an anxiety attack but that doesn't mean that I’m a bad person that I’m not good enough. Actually, what that means is that you know there are parts of me that I have strengths and there are parts that I have weaknesses and it doesn't mean that I can't learn and develop those areas, it also doesn't mean that I failed. Maybe I wasn't exposed to group conversations and connections growing up and I don't know what that looks like. That is something that I can go and expose myself to now as an adult.
To learn those tools, it's important for you to realize your family dynamic and what you were exposed to while going up. What you were exposed to plays a big part on your skill sets as an adult. So be compassionate to yourself if you see strengths. You should celebrate your Strengths and weaknesses. I want you to celebrate your weaknesses because all of you is good even the parts that are imperfect.
2. Re-parent your inner child
A lot of us grew up in homes with dysfunction and when I say dysfunction it could look like two parts. One is straight chaos- screaming, yelling and all that where your parents are always fighting and then they never come to a resolution. You never see you the problem being fixed it's just swept under the rug and then not dealt with again. The other home that I see quite often is where you're not allowed to show your feelings. You're not allowed to express yourself and with those children I’ve seen them have a hard time being vulnerable and taking risks in life because they were taught that you can't face your emotions.
So as an adult when you use those same tools, it doesn't work for us that's why our relationships become disastrous. It only reaches a certain level and then either it's fight or flight or freeze. To move past that, you have to soothe your inner child.
I'd like for you to learn how to reparent your inner child by going deep into your mind and talking to your child self in a compassionate and loving way the way you wanted to hear your parent to do for you.
3. Change your narrative
What you say to yourself is what you believe in yourself. So, anything that you put after the words “I am” becomes your truth.
For instance, when I make a mistake, I sometimes catch myself saying things like “oh my gosh, I’m so dumb. Why did I do that” and blah blah. Then I changed the narrative and I’m like how I can be compassionate to myself in this situation and the first thing I say is this is a mistake that many people have made.
What is the lesson to be learnt here and how can you develop a skill set so that you can actually move through this and not repeat it again? Two things that happened there are- I connected myself with a common trend with humanity. I'm no better and no less than anyone else, that I’m having a human experience. The second thing that happened there is that I developed the ability to learn and create solution so that way I don't repeat the same mistake over and over again.
Each of those moments that you catch yourself making a mistake are a way for you to grow so look at it as an exciting opportunity to help you develop to your best self.
4. Compliment yourself
If you struggle with your self-worth and you often feel low and empty, then what you need do is to complement yourself to fill yourself back up so that you can actually feel confident in yourself.
You should focus on the core values that you really appreciate about yourself and back it up with some facts and if you don't have any facts to back it up with there may be some self-reflection and work you need to do so that you can actually make it factual.
For instance, you believe that you're a thoughtful person and you haven't done any thoughtful acts then ask yourself what are certain things that you can do today that could be thoughtful to your friends family or people you're surrounded with. The more you focus on your strengths and your core values, the more you will see your confidence boosting because you're living in line with who you truly are.
5. Celebrate your flaws
I think we chop ourselves down so low when we forget that these flaws are just part of us. You know we all have good and bad parts but that doesn't make us horrible persons. It just makes us human.
The goal here is to accept and embrace the areas that you're ashamed of. You've probably heard the statement “what you resist persists well if you don't face your flaws”. It’s a fact. If you don't face the problems, then there's nothing to work on to result in development and growth. Avoiding the problem will let it persist so embracing and celebrating your flaws allows you to grow.
Disclaimer: This article and all material used in this content is used for entertainment and educational purposes only. It is solely based on my opinion and is considered subjective.
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