July Dump [KirstenCassandra's Tortuous Life]

Salt air, and the rust on your door

I never needed anything more

Whispers of "Are you sure?"

"Never have I ever before" ♫ ♬

Playing August by Taylor Swift hihi. How are you doing? It seems like only yesterday that I wrote my June Dump, and now I'm back with my July behind-the-scenes. I'm not sure if this will be interesting, but let me see what I can come up with. Hehe.

1. Bad Decisions

Woah! Kinda heavy for the first one. I wore my freshly washed white sneakers because, well, why not? Lol. I think it'll go well with my OOTD, and I don't think it'll rain, so yeah.

I went to the village's clubhouse to run an errand for my boss, and it was a hot day, so I hid under a tree for a while. I was thinking about nonsensical things when dark clouds appeared and it began to rain.

It had gotten muddy and wet. I don't even recognize my sneakers after that. *dramatic*

2. I'm Sorry

"Apologize to someone who wronged you."

That will not work for me. I am the type of person who takes great pride in herself. I didn't apologize if I knew I wasn't at fault. I want the other side to learn from their mistakes and not tolerate them.

But if I've done something wrong to others, I apologize countless times, I overthink it, and I can't sleep knowing that someone is upset with me. Maybe that's my toxic personality trait for myself. I let myself suffer and be damaged since, after all, it was my fault.

3. Afraid of Heights?

Nah! My dad had exposed me to lofty heights since I was a kid, so I was not afraid of them even if I reached this age. Maybe that's also why I've been able to hold my job in the telecom industry up until this moment.

I remember back then, whenever my dad and I couldn't sleep because of our insomnia, we go up to the attic on our way to the roof and sit on the edge of our two-story house, talking about random things until we yawned and decided to go to bed. Missed those times.

That's the coolest thing about my dad; he never stops me from doing whatever I want. He trusted me so much, unlike other dads who restrict their daughters from stepping on the ground rather than let them decide for themselves. My dad taught me to be a tough princess with a sword, but if I did something stupid, I had to face the repercussions on my own.

4. I Read the Energy and Adjust

I am an introvert with extroverted energy, but also apprehensive that my social batteries may run out.

You might not believe it, but I'm a quiet person. I always want to be alone, putting on my cardigan and sitting alone in the grass in dreary weather, minding my own business and reading books. But if I have to interact with other people, I can adapt the room's energy, but I have a social battery meter. My energy is limited. So if it runs out, I'll have to go home and charge myself.

5. Intrusive Thoughts

My bebuu says I'm darn cute in this photo, but I didn't even post it on my socials, so it's included in July Dump. Lol.

Do you ever feel tempted to cut your precious charger cable for whatever reason? Or when you pass by a fire alarm and want to trigger it?

That's pretty normal, I suppose. Let's just wait and see who comes out on top. Hehe.

6. Sitting with the Monster

My camera roll seems to be somewhat darkish, don't you think? Since then, I've been keeping my thoughts to myself. I don't want to talk about it. I merely write this in my journal to clear my head and then burn it in a fire.

But now that I have someone prepared to listen to my dark thoughts, I think I should face it and do something about it rather than dwelling with the monster within me alone.

7. Villains Get Sick Too

Just don't mind my growing nail; I didn't have time to go to the salon and get it fixed.

That was two weeks ago, I believe. Isn't it true that when you're not mentally well, your immune system suffers? I guess it is. I started off with a sore throat, then sneezed and coughed, and then had a cold the next day. I thought I'd gotten covid again, but thankfully not when I had myself tested.

That's the most distressing part of being away from home. You have to stand alone and force yourself to recover. Thankfully my family, close friends, and, of course, the bebuu are all checking in on me, even if just virtually, from time to time to make sure I'm fine.

8. Salt in Coffee

Is it just me, or do you also put salt in your coffee? Haha. You know what, you should try it. You're missing half of your life if you shouldn't. Lol.

I want my tastes to be balanced at all times, so if I eat something sweet, I need something salty to balance it out. It's kinda odd, but it's a personal preference so idgaf.

9. Cassidy

Such a cutie. That's not my daughter, you silly. The bebuu and I aren't prepared for such a charming disruption. Haha! That's my niece. She was named after me because I am definitely her dad's favorite cousin. Lmao.

I used this photo to wish her a happy birthday last week. Cassidy is about 8 years old now, and I haven't seen her because they live far away from us. I'm hoping to meet her one day so I can teach her some of my "attitude," right?

10. Golf Course

We went to a golf course last Thursday to settle some personal business. I merely took a picture of a little umbrella there to show my 4'11" friend who I'm teasing, lol. Don't get me wrong, I really love that person! Hehe.

11. Stressed Smol Bean

She is stressed as if she is being scolded by her boss, but she is not. Haha! Ohh, that angle accentuates my curved sole. Lol. That night, the bebuu and I had a teeny tiny argument, and my friend took this photo of me.

This month has been tough for us since we're both stubborn as hell, admit it, bebuu. Lmao. We're still working on mending our conflicts one by one, and we know that such petty fights are part of the process of getting to know each other better, not a barrier to keep us apart.

12. First Book Printed

Finally! I finished my first ever series The Tale of the Two Princes and planned to make a softbound version to give as a gift to whom I dedicated the book. I hope he likes it.

Yellow! 💛

Just did some freewriting since I'm still resting my mind and processing what I wrote in my story, which ended last week. I know this isn't much, but I hope you liked reading it.

Until my next behind-the-scenes post. Santé!