Strangers Again But Forever We Haunt Each Other

It's been half a year since we parted ways yet on random days I still think of him. There are a lot of things that remind me of him—the moon, certain songs, going on a walk alone, black dogs, video games, and more to be named. Seeing these things used to make me sad but now that time has passed by and we do heal little by little, I just feel bitter sweet now. I would cry but now I would just smile and look back on those days when I had someone to confine to.

It made me wonder if he thinks of me too. When he stumbles upon things that I told him about, does he think of me too? When he sees milk, skateboards, split-dyed hair, cats—do I cross his mind? You might say I am delusional for saying yes but why do I feel like it is the right answer?

It's crazy that although I haven't heard from him for months, things about him still haunt me. And I wish things about me haunts him too. I want to be that memory that would keep him up at night. To be that girl he would think about 10 years from now and what could have been. That girl he would call "the one that got away". I wanna be the reason why he cries. I wanna be the person he thinks of me when something good or bad happens.

I admit though it has been a while, a part of me still loves him. I still love him, I really do. But everyday I suppress this emotion because he is nowhere in my life right now. He is away, it feels like reaching out for someone who doesn't exist. Other reason why I no longer see for him is because I feel bad for myself.

She deserves so much more yet I keep putting her in misery. I do believe nobody hurts us more than ourselves. We are our own nemesis and we are our own savior. How do I say this? I only want him but I don't even want him anymore. I prefer to be this girl, his girl. His girl that he could no longer be with. I am fine on my own.