Disappointed of My Father Just How Disappointed He Is of Me

Honestly, I don't know where to start.

My father has been vocal with his disappointment of me. I remember telling him my attitude is as ugly as my face. Maybe he doesn't mean it and he was only carried out by his anger, but it is something I could never forget. It has been several years since he said those words. I don't hold grudges but I just couldn't seem to forget it.

I want to say I am over that. But then he sometimes says I am demonic because of my taste in music or maybe it is just really my personality that I couldn't seem to find where the hole is. However, I am trying my best.

But then hearing him make his coffee this morning at the kitchen while I'm here at the living room writing this article reminded me of how I used to be so attached to him. And how things just drifted us apart from each other.

When I was young, he would throw me in the air. And I would squeal happily because I trust him, I know he would never let me fall. We would go swimming in deep water but I got never afraid despite the fact that I didn't know how to swim because I know he would never let me drown. I remember staying up late at Friday night because weekly he would go home from work.

Don't get me wrong. I love my father but I am now disappointed of him.

Now, it feels like I do not have a father. I may come from a complete family but it seems to be that my mother is the only one who only keeps things from falling apart. He no longer have a job for almost ten years now. He doesn't help my mother in raising us. When us, his children, show to him that we are struggling in our studies, he would only tell us to drop out instead of giving us moral support. My mom can't share to him financial problems when it was supposed to be them working together for that. He never even tried to walk up on stage and put a medal on me during my school achievements events.

He acts more like a child than I do.

Again.

I love him.

But he disappoints me.