This is a huge topic today because there are a lot of partners that cheat. I begin to ask my self
"Why in the world do they cheat?"
They've got good husbands, great wives, good looking, smart, intelligent and hard working even good sex partners and still cheat, that is insane and that is what I am going to be talking about now.
Most of the time it's not bacause of you, your partner didn't cheat because of you, it is sometimes because there was something broken and dysfunctional in your partners heart or life and you happened to be with that person not knowing that most of the reasons were from his or her adolescence and early Adulthood.
An example is you had an intimate relationship and you've had it let's say five years and you trust your partner, "
so what does it mean?
It means you know where you, you know who you are and you've got an idea where you are going and one day you find out that your partner has been cheating on you, not with one person but with three people for the whole five years both of you where together.
That certainly will come as a shock because you ignored many informations that such might be the case.
What happens next is that you realize you dont know where you are, you had no idea where you have been, you had thought you knew.
All of a sudden something can happen that you are become so flipped over and you dont even know what the next thing is to do, something that had occurred in the past is now dependent on the present.
It is deep because you thought you were in a marriage or any relationship and that turned out to be wrong, you had no idea that your partner did all that right under you and it lives you in complete doubt and confusion.
You ask yourself:
"Why did he cheat? "
I thought we where happy. Well happy people do cheat and that is what is happening today, people can love their partners and still cheat, they believe it is what is sustaining and preserving their relationship.
On entering into a relationship you have to put it at the back of your head that something like this can happen, you can only hope it won't but to live with ignorance that it wont happen is you been naive.
To answer the question on why people cheat, the reasons will be based on these few points:
Sexual Starvation Addiction in a relationship
Being in a relationship where it doesn't feel like there's enough sex sounds like a trivial and a huge problem, and might be what ends the relationship itself.
In our world today lack of sex causes almost 60 percent of divorce or separation going on, when I mean lack of sex probably two to three times a month. It is very vital in keeping closer creating a level of bond affirming trust and whenever one partner is reluctant and refuses it causes a sense of disappointment. The sex starved partner look for people who will give it them, likely to see it as a form of revenge.
In this case certain things could have caused the lack of sex, maybe if it was communicated the whole issue would have been settles completely. It could be work, could be the need, could be what the other party needs.
In the aspect of addiction there are certain things in the life of a man or a woman that keep reinforcing that fantasy, so is the desire of sex relationship and not intimacy in connection inside the context of marriage or a committed relationship. Men who maintain fantasy are more likely to cheat if the opportunity is there.
What must have led to that: sometimes could be long years of pornography, masturbation, and attaching oneself to the things that go on in the world.
Addiction dosent make a guy or a girl less responsible but it all comes down to what both parties want and desire in that relationship. As weird as it may sound addiction can lead to separation.
Self appeasement or gratification
When relationships dont deliver the love and passion it was intended for, when it initially starts off with the best moments of themselves, as time goes on they see how their partner really are, more away from the other persons illusion and desires leading to a breakdown. They seek to appease themselves from some person out there.
Lack of Trust
Broken trust in relationships leads to depression, anxiety and insecurity. The relationship can suffer from a lack of intimacy. A lack of trust in a relationship opens the door to a host of other problems which, if left unresolved, may destroy whatever is left.
Revenge
When one cheats and the other partner does the same out of revenge, unknowing that two wrongs can make a right. It becomes chaotic both partners make drastic decision that can terminate the relationship.
Hurt and wounded
When there is lack of attention, the desire to satisfy each others needs is lost, one is hurt and seeks attention elsewhere.
Adventurous
This aspect is just to prove of who they are not. They cheat because of who they want to become. Haunting the ladies just to dump them, just finding finding a prey deal with it then throw it away and not to deal with it again.
"Should you judge an entire relationship by an affair?",
"Is it unfair to the marriage?"
"Is it unfair to the relationship?"
"Can a cheater always remain a cheater?"
My advice
I think relationship advice is really difficult because it really depends on where you are in the relationship, whether you choose to be okay with it, and whether you are unhappy with it.
There are somethings you need to keep in mind to reconnect greater love and connection, joy, acceptance and vibrancy back in the relationship.
1. Place your mind positively to your partner
You can call him or her whatever names you wish, he cheated we know, but acceptance,tha wouldn't just have to end year or decades of being together. There are some good part in that relationship, try to remember that, it will be hard but if u can, give your partner a second chance and make him or her realize that indeed you have it in your mind the fear that he will cheat again, let him believe you are still in the process of recovery. You can only assume it will get better but approach your relationship with the intention to love back again.
2. Gear towards finding the faults
"What have you not been doing right?"
"What have you not been doing to add value?"
The love is missing, the vibrancy, the energy, sensuality, what have you been to restore the bond and make it stronger. You need to ask yourself how you can get it to work again, if the blame is you.
In Conclusion
Can a Ruptured relationship be amended or not? I will like your take on this. Cheating is wrong in a relationship and it is responsible for the breakups happening. I know it is hard to create a boundary and keep the complexities out of it, it always sticks back in, but dont give in to its luxury and freedom. Love your partners!!!.
it's the last day of June!
June 30 2021
Thanks to all my sponsors for supporting and thanks to everyone supporting and reading.
Thank you @QueenRay for the invite and @JonicaBradley for this prompt it is really helpful for people out there.
