Sweet Dreams turns to Nightmares

(October 2, 2021)

He grab my hair from my back and pulled me then pushed me to the side, I can't fight back, the anger to his eyes leaves me stammer to say a word. My mind was totally blocked out at that moment and all I want was to leave that place as soon as possible. No body has a guts to defend me against this Demon infront of me. Untill then his anger subside and leaved us in terror at that moment. I can't speak nor cry, I just stared out in the nothingness of the night. One thing is for sure, I wanna go home!

Are you sure you want to apply in the Middle East? My father asked me. Why not find other nearby country like Hong Kong or Taiwan?

I sigh! And nodded to him and replied.

Hong Kong and Taiwan was high in processing fees, we can't afford it, while Middle East was a bit easy, they have apply now and pay later policy. And besides I talked already to the recruiter and we are going to Manila next week for the medical. I passed already all my requirements.

My father look away. As if he don't want me to go. But he can't do anything anymore because I need to, it was my dream to work into a foreign land even as a domestic helper. Some successful balikbayans that I personally knew inspired me to try my luck also. So this is it!

Medical and PDOS (post departure orientation seminar)

My recruiter and I went to Manila to finish all needed requirements and attended my PDOS at the same time. Did you know that I only visited the recruitment agency office only once, it was the day of our flight already. I even didn't know the exact address of it. It's my first time to go abroad and I don't have any relative there. They make us signed a paper stated that we are going to work there as skilled workers but in fairness to them they told as that we need to do that in order to leave the country with less hussle.

Leaving the country

Fast forward. We landed already in the country of our destination. My heart beats so fast, so this is it. My dream was about to come true. I was so happy at that time, excited to start a new journey in my life. To earn money and go home after my contract or to sign up again for another year. Many very good things was playing in my head before. I will send money for my family and reconstruct our house, and paid back our debt in full. And soon and so forth.

Final destination

Someone collected us in the airport and transported us by van to our final destination. I can't remember anymore how many we are at that time, plus we are grouped with other nationalities inside the van, they are talking endlessly as if they are familiar with the place. We with my Filipina companions was just silent juring the ride, I guess we are all first timer by then. It was a long ride untill we reached what I think the farthest state of that country. Our guide walk us in a typical house and let us go inside and talk to a lady. We did not understand what they are saying, but after they talked the guide get back to the van and gone with the other passengers. Since it was evening when we arrived the lady in the house led us in a room where we spend the night. In the morning, everyone of us wake early. Then one us told that if we have cellphones its better to hide in a safe place because the agency will take it or the employer itself. She said they don't want us to have phones. I did not worry that time because I don't have phone. But as the time goes by I felt strange, it seems I get nervous while we are heading to the agency. We silently entered the office, a lady wearing a slacks and blouse told us to sit down in the small room inside. I thought I'm just the one who is nervous at that time but one of the girls held her hands out and it was perspiring and cold, then She said after wiping her hands.

" just hope that our employers are good"

Parting ways

One by one we picked up by our employers. I was picked up by a man with beard all over his face, wearing their kind of garments. He told me to get in the car,he is talking but I don't understand what he's saying. I just smile back at him and said please in english, then smiled and asked me how was my trip in scrumbled english. I answered it was okay. We arrived in a not so big house, upon opening the gate I saw an old lady preparing a dish, it was a big fish and a big casserole and a lot more that I don't know what it was. We went to the kitchen and met the other chubby lady doing a salad. She smile at me and ask what's my name and introduce the kids around. There are three kids by that time, my thought, how could I took care of these all. They seems very naughty too. Then the lady told me to meet Jean inside, I feel comfortable for a moment that I have someone to talk to, then I went to the sala and saw Jean cleaning a bath room. She smiles at me, I immediately approached her. I ask her how was the treatment of the people here. She answered me in low voice.

They don't want you to talk longer to your fellow helper. Look outside that was your older madam. I'm supposed to be working here but his son wants me to work for them and you supposed to work for my boss but they exchange us. Go help your madam now. I already finished cleaning.

Then she smiled at me, I noticed she's so tired and and uncomfortable. But ignored it maybe she'll get rest later because I am already here.

It has began

Language barrier is a very big problem between me and my employer, way back in the philippines they never let us learn even a little bit about the language. So it is so hard for me to communicate with this people. But the saddest part is I experienced here all the hardships that I never encounter my entire life. I need to wake up around 5 o'clock in the morning to prepare the things of the my madam for cooking. Wash every dishes in the kitchen though it was not use yet. Clean every nook of it. Ate a single bread as my break fast, I'm not used to eat bread alone in the morning but I can't do nothing. When everyone was awake I cleaned the entire house but sometimes encountered bad vibes from that man whom we called Demon when cleaning their toilet. Demon was the other son of the of old madam. Lunch at 3 'o clock, after that cleaning outside with broom. I hurriedly finished everything to take a short break before cleaning myself and do the ironing. Around 11 pm was our dinner, after dinner another set of cleaning again in the kitchen. The cauldron should be cleaned as white as new, the madam dont want to see any black fragment into it. I only slept 4-5 hours a day. Some bad experiences also happened but I manage to handle and cope up. Maintaining the thought that I can survived this! I can do this!

A nightmare to my sweet dreams

After entering the house of my employer, they told me not to talk so much to my fellow helper. They also held my passport. They even not allowed Jean to come to me for a moment even at our free time. We are both first timer as domestic helper. Sometimes a thought came to us to run away from our employers, especially when Jean told me that her male employer tried to harassed her in her room. She fight the man and challenge to tell his wife if he do it again. In God's protection the man let Jean alone. Her employer tried me to, as if I surrender to what he wants. But the time he grabs me I screamed and run outside. I told him to leaved, I hysterically scream! Mixed emotions of anger and fear burst out. Suddenly the man get out and said sorry. He pleaded to me not to tell his wife of what was just happened. I did not answered him instead I point out the door for him to go. Then I rushed to my room and locked the door. My body was in extreme shaking, I don't know what to do. I don't have a phone to contact my family, and tell them my situation. All I have to do was pray hard and asked God's protection. Since then the man already distanced himself from me.

2 years of my life was like in hell most of the time. I have no problem with my work though I sleep less I still manage to survived. But the thing is the aura of my employers was suffocating me,I don't know but I'm not comfortable with them. I'm about to finished my contract then when Demon ask me to extend atleast six months, I told them I'm not going to extend anymore but the old madam plead to me even for just another 2 months just to wait for their next helper to come, Demon then told me to stay for a while and he will add up my salary, he said that the incoming helper was a Filipina too, and that worries me. So I decided to wait for it. By that time they are constructing their bigger house somewhere and its about to finished. It was a huge 2 storey house with wide garden and a wider maids quarter. Then finally the new maid came, I was happy and but at the same time sad for her.

Finally their house was completed. We hauled all their belonging to the new house. Then a couple of weeks passed another maid was came. She's from another country. She will be the cook. She's nice but misunderstandings happen too sometimes but luckily we also resolved after a good talked.

The real nightmare

The car was honking and I heard Demon looking for us. My fellow Filipina maid always got nervous every time that she heard Demon screaming. She got panicked and uncontrollably shaking. I told her to stay calm, just follow what Demon would say and it will be okay. We went out and hauled some groceries from the car. He told us to hurry up so when I see no more things at the back seat we left to the ironing room to continue what we are doing. Then suddenly Demon rushed to where we are and loudly calling my name. The other girl in my side was already shaking to her knees, we went out and to asked what it was. I whispered to the girl to relax and calm but to my surprised Demon held my hair and asked what I just said. I explained myself that I just calming the other girl but to no avail. I asked him why he's hurting me, I did nothing but to just calm my friend. I told him to take me instead to agency but it only hardened his anger. He said a lots of bad words against me while holding my hair. But the most that hurts me was when he compared me to a trash! ( He is more than a trashed too )

He grab my hair from my back and pulled me then pushed me to the side, I can't fight back, the anger to his eyes leaves me stammer to say a word. My mind was totally blocked out at that moment and all I want was to leave that place as soon as possible. No body has a guts to defend me against this Demon infront of me. Untill then his anger subside and leaved us in terror at that moment. I can't speak nor cry, I just stared out in the nothingness of the night. One thing is for sure, I wanna go home!

When Demon was gone the old madam came maybe to pacify me. But I did not understand even a single word she said at that moment. My mind was so occupied of what would I do in order to leave that hell. I told the other madam to bring me tomorrow to my agency. She just nodded and told us to go to sleep. By then when I entered our room I broke down and cried. My fellow Filipina comforted me saying sorry that she caused me trouble. The other girl also pleading to me not to leave, I saw how they terrified to what they witnessed. Even I to myself was so shocked to what was just happened to me lately.

Morning came, I wake up early and packed my things to be ready to leave. When we heard a knock on our door, the other girl open and it was Demon. He told me that I can't leave for now in his low tone. I answered him I wanna go home and besides my contract is already finished. He answered that the younger madam wanna bring me to the hospital for check up. My heart was in fury at that moment, my hope was down. I remember that if I run away I could not ensure my safety either outside, I might be end up to a more worst situation.

We went to the hospital, there are some examinations done, they also administered me a vaccine, luckily the nurse was a Filipina and I asked her what was the vaccine for, she told me that it will boost my immune system. In the end I still stayed for almost six months there.

After what was happened to me, I never dare to go near Demon anymore, good thing is he never did calling me too, instead he always look for the other two maids which is favorable to me.

Again they bring me with them in Thailand which they occasionally doing every year. I was hesitant to go again but the old madam was persistent to tagged me along. Fast forward, my last days to that family was approaching and I was so exited then. The old madam keep telling me to come back and they will give me a higher salary. I just smiled at her and said.

I don't need a higher salary anymore madam, I just need to go home for good. I stayed with you for almost three years but never give me even a bit addition to my salary. Your Demon son ( but ofcourse I did not actually called his son Demon infront of her )told me before to increased my salary if I stayed for more months but never did.

She just nodded and told me that she will be the one to increase my salary if I come back to work again for them. But I never gave her hope. And she just sigh!

Finally free

It was liked I'm in the cloud nine when I recieved my plane ticket to going back home. At last, I was free from this hell of sort. Though I'm feelin' sad leaving my fellow Filipina but I know she will be alright, for herself and for her family.

I'm going home to where I started to dream sweet and leaving my nightmare behind. In reversed I had a sweet dreams turns to nightmares.

Thank you again for reading. I hoped you enjoy my not so good personal experienced. Untill next time dearest read.cash fellow. Thanks you for all the support, for the likes, upvotes and subscriptions.

May the good Lord bless and protect each and everyone of us.

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Lead image was from unsplash