Jailed in Worries

Date: December 1, 2021

"That attitude of yours!"

Huhu! I heard those words again. Though I provoke that person to do it, I just can't take that person will say it.

Is it too bad to keep silent when you're hurt? So that you can't say anything that will make the situation worse? It's not that you want to get coax but you just want to think and calm down.

While typing this article I can't hold my tears. It keeps falling and I'm pitying myself.

I admitted that I'm complicated to understand, (given to ladies) I'm sensitive and paranoid. I get panic and overreact even on simple issues. Maybe because of the trauma I got from the past and it's hard to change especially you know where the situation will go.

Why do I keep silent if there is a problem?

Actually, I talk. I will open it and ask for help if I need but if I noticed that the person doesn't care or think "Nah it will be okay" I will keep silent. It's not that I'm mad or sullen but rather shy and worried. I'm worried that the person I talked will get stressed and involved in my issues which they're not obligated to. I will fix it on my own and don't want to bother anymore.

I'm like in jailed that wants to get out now but feel worried and think so many if's.

But don't pity me and don't put the sympathy for me. You didn't know the other side and I will not tackle the story. I just want to rant and let this burden out 'cause it's very heavy and it's driving me crazy.

I'm so down earlier and my mind was floating. I browse here to read to turn my sadness away. I bump to someone's article and upvote him $5 which is unusual for me to do. I feel my blood get back after I realized it. Hahaha! But it's okay for me because he deserves it. His articles are great and he is also my friend in Telegram. While Rusty wasn't around earlier I replace him for a while. Kidding!

This situation always happens every time I'm sad or mad. I remember back then when I fetch Mom at the airport we fight and I can't think right. I pay $80 to the taxi driver that drives us home but our fare only is $30. I didn't mind it while we are quarreling. I realized it 3 days ago when I checked my wallet and mom scolded me and brought it up again. Haha.

So if you saw my posts in noise.cash ranting, get ready and stay tuned I might be accidentally tipped or upvoted you big, well not that big but still helps. Hehe. (I don't want to be sad hahaha lol)

I drink a bottle of light alcohol to get away from this feeling. I want to have a good sleep now and forget about it. Hope tomorrow will be okay with the problem I'm worried about.

PS. I'm not broken haha

Good night for now. See you in my next article ^^

Thanks for reading :)

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