There is a second type of situation that is hazardous to the health of a future marriage. I haven’t known what to call it until recently. One author called themprebounders. They’re very similar to the rebounder except they are still involved in their current relationship while they’re looking for a new one. Once they are assured of a new partner, then they decide what to do about the present one. But who’s to say that they might not give up the former relationship and keep two going at once?
I’ve seen as many as five at one time. And if problems occur between the two of you, it’s quite easy for themto return to their former partner. Now you’re the one left out in the cold.
Here are some questions which would be helpful for you and your future if you know the honest answers. You may need to find creative ways to discuss them with your new interest. It’s also vital that you answer them honestly for yourself. The questions pertain to “Is it really over?”
1. How frequently do you think about your former partner and in what way? Is it negative or positive?
2. How frequently do you have contact with your former partner and in what way? What is the purpose? What feelings do you experience on these occasions?
3. In what ways are you similar to this former partner?
4. On a scale of 0 to 10, to what extent do you have a fear that this past relationship may repeat itself again?
5. On a scale of 0 to 10, to what extent do you experience guilt over the previous relationship? How might this guilt be affecting you in building a relationship with another individual?
6. On a scale of 0 to 10, to what extent do you have anger toward the previous relationship? If there is anger, what can be done to resolve it? I know. You may be thinking, “We could never discuss these.” But at some time you can. Not only that, you need to.
After all, it’s your future. You will discover the answer one way or another. It can happen directly or in a way that could disrupt your relationship. If you are involved with a rebounder or prebounder, you’re being used as a crutch. Keep in mind that when a broken leg heals, the crutch is discarded. It’s something to consider.
Think of it in this way. If you go to a new medical doctor, what does he do to help you? First, he takes a medical history with some questions that don’t always seemto pertain to the ailment you brought to his attention. But in order to properly evaluate you, the doctor needs the total picture.
If you seek out a therapist for counseling, in some way or another you are asked to share your past history. A therapist wants to deal not only with the present problem, but also with how it developed and how it affects you. That way he can better help you.
Evaluating a potential mate isn’t much different and is important for your future.
Before you consider moving into a possible longterm relationship with someone and possibly marriage, let’s consider the “I don’t need these kinds of problems” issues. If the problems are present at this time, you may want to consider them as either a caution or “stop the relationship” sign.
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