Where does a person begin? Look around you. Where do you live? In an apartment complex? If so, what kind of get-togethers do they have? If they have some, are they the kind you’re comfortable with or are they too wild? Why not create your own? I’ve seen groups started in companies and apartments for Christian singles’ Bible studies as well as social events. If you can find two or three others, all of you could work toward this goal by sending out information.
In a one-mile radius around your home, what are the stores, the shops, the entertainment possibilities? Do you ever walk or jog in your neighborhood either on the sidewalks or at a school facility? Remember a key factor: Put yourself in a place where you’re most likely to find the person that fits your most-wanted list! We’ll come back to this point again and again. Will the places suggested here meet this factor? That’s for you to decide.
Sometimes having some assistance helps you meet others, whether walking in a residential area, at an outdoor mall, on the beach, or anyplace near you where there are people. What am I talking about? Several years ago I got a golden retriever. I have walked him all over the place, including every local spot mentioned above. Because of the striking appearance and outgoing personality of Shadow (my dog), I’ve met dozens of people I probably never would have otherwise. My dog acts as a magnet and draws people of all ages. Then he becomes the point of contact and friendships even on the block where I’ve lived for a long time.
Speaking of dogs, a friend of mine used to take his Labrador puppy to the beach with him. One day he noticed a very attractive woman standing by the water in a two-piece bathing suit. As he sat there watching her, he began to mull over how he could meet her. But while he was thinking, his dog took matters into his own paws. The dog headed toward the water, angled toward the woman, and when he arrived proceeded to hike his hind leg and relieve himself on her leg. She was not too happy about this turn of events. There are better and safer ways for an introduction.
Another place to meet possible partners is at work or workrelated activities. This occurs through the process of networking.
Some people don’t like to have friends or relatives either suggest a possible partner or introduce them to someone.
Sometimes other people can be very intrusive into our lives, especially when they are pushy and incessant. They make statements like, “I just know that the two of you will hit it off ” or “This is the perfect one for you” or “I’ve told him all about you and he can’t wait to meet you.” As if they’re experts on you! When you hear comments like the first two statements, you might shift the responsibility back to them and respond with, “Tell me why you think we’ll hit it off.” You could also say, “I appreciate your thinking about me in this way and I’ll consider this possibility. You realize, though, it may not work out for some reason. And if so, you probably won’t know why.
Is that all right with you?”
Some of you may want this assistance from other people. If you do, don’t leave it up to random selection on the part of those on your search committee. Why not create a “wanted” poster giving a description of the type of person you’re seeking. Give your friends some guidance to go by, and it will save you some time. I have a friend in her 30s. I’ve introduced her to several Christian men, one of whom she dated for a while. She was appreciative of the help, even though at the time of this writing she’s still looking.
My daughter married at the age of 27 after two previous engagements. She was a manicurist at a hair and nail salon.
One day when she went to work she walked in and glanced over at one of her Christian friends who was in the process of cutting a young man’s hair. She noticed they were both staring at her, so she walked over to them and said, “What’s going on?” The young man looked at her and said, “We’ve just been talking about you.” The hairdresser said, “Yes, I have been telling Bill that he needs to take you out on a date since you don’t have any weird diseases.” Sheryl said she turned red!
They laughed and chatted a bit more. After he left, Sheryl took Jan in the back room and asked who he was. Jan told her that she’d been cutting his hair for the past four years, he was a Christian, and needed to have a date with her. Sheryl told her to give him her phone number, and the rest is history. They were married! Something like this could work for you.
There are times in my counseling office when a person will say, “Where do I go to meet people?” I have two stock questions to ask in reply: “What do you enjoy doing?” and “What would you enjoy doing with a marriage partner?” Go to those places that would give you things in common with the person you marry. If you’re into art, visit galleries and exhibits.
Consider bookstores, libraries, swap meets, video stores—or even the Laundromat. One writer suggested that women go to supermarkets early in the evening, since men tend to shop earlier. And when you go to the Laundromat, take extra bleach and fabric softener since men tend to forget these items!
If you’re a real time-saver or time-oriented person, what I’m going to suggest may stress you somewhat. I know that many busy people try to hit stores or even sports clubs when they are least crowded. But that won’t work when you’re trying to meet others. Go at the busiest time, since there are more people there, especially in the Laundromat. And above all, talk to people. Take a book with you, but not to read. If you’re hoping to meet a Christian, take a Christian-oriented book with you or wear something with a distinctively Christian message on it. Both of these attract attention and are discussion-starters.
A Christian man or woman has a much smaller pool of possibilities to choose from, so it’s important to find places or events where other Christians gather. You may either live in an area which is limited in population or attend a church that is quite small. It could be there are no singles’ groups in your own church or even in your area. You may out of necessity be the person who could assist in developing such a group.
Singles’ conferences, both regional and local, can be a source of contact. If your church doesn’t have a ministry to singles, begin calling other churches. In larger metropolitan areas there are numerous churches which have well-developed programs for singles, and those who attend are not just from that local church. They come from dozens of other churches just for the opportunity to be ministered to and to meet people. There is nothing wrong in looking to church singles’ groups to meet a prospective partner. That’s part of the purpose of these groups.
One husband who had been married for 33 years shared with me how he met his wife at a church. Through college he dated but hadn’t found anyone. Now that he was out of the college department at his church and moving into business, he decided he wanted to get married. He said, “I was spiritually immature at that time, so I put out a ten-minute fleece to the Lord about finding a wife. I was sitting in church when I said, ‘Lord after this service, I’m going to go down to the college department, and if there is a woman there to be my wife, have her walk toward me.’ I went down to the college department and started looking over the women there row by row. It was a cross between Death Valley and the Dead Sea. I was getting discouraged when I saw this woman walking away from me. All I could see was her back, but I knew she was a real possibility. I met her, and six weeks later we were engaged.”
Great one