The more we make rejecting, negative statements about ourselves, the more we see other people doing the same. Could that be the case now? Sometimes this tendency causes us to respond to others in such a way that they may reject us. We set ourselves up.
If rejection occurs, there are some things you can do. Keep in mind that when someone does respond to you in a rejecting manner, it may be that he or she is having a bad day. Or perhaps that person has misinterpreted your response. Or they could be a highly critical, hurting person. It may be somebody else’s problem. It could also be that no one is at fault; the incident that made you feel rejected just happened for some unexplained reason. Being rejected doesn’t necessarily mean you have done or said something wrong. It doesn’t mean you’re defective.
If you make a mistake that could cause rejection, don’t anticipate being rejected ahead of time. Balance your feelings by focusing on the numerous times you were successful. See your small mistake in the context of the positive side of your life. Putting this in writing will have a greater impact upon you than just thinking about it.
Criticism and rejection from a special person can upset you only to the extent that you believe the response of the other person. You can let it linger and destroy you, or you can move ahead. Yes, rejection hurts, and it’s uncomfortable. But avoid the hippopotamus response—don’t wallow in your feelings of rejection. Refuse to believe that one rejection will lead to others or that your world is falling apart. Instead, take charge of the situation when it occurs, and turn the negative into a positive by responding to it with courage. If the criticism has validity, consider that as well.
When you are rejected, keep in mind that the other person has neither the right nor the ability to judge your value and worth as a person. Don’t allow the negative responses to determine your value. People are not experts on your worth; God is. I like what Dr. David Burns says about approval and disapproval:
It’s a fact that approval feels good. There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s natural and healthy. It is also a fact that disapproval and rejection usually taste bitter and unpleasant. This is human and understandable. But you are swimming in deep, turbulent waters if you continue to believe that approval and disapproval are the proper and ultimate yardsticks with which to measure your worth.
When you live with the fear of rejection, you live with assumptions based on emotions. Your emotions tell you what to believe about events and relationships. They tell you that you will be rejected and that you are rejected. Counter these feelings with actual facts. Unless you behave in a way that causes you to be rejected, most of the time you won’t be rejected. But when you are rejected, don’t assume that you’re at fault.
I have felt rejection. I have felt the rejection of someone not liking my speaking, my writing, or my counseling. I have had my ideas rejected, and I have been personally rejected by other people. I experienced rejections during my dating years. I don’t like it. In fact, it’s so uncomfortable to feel rejected, I’ve often wondered why anyone would want to live with the fear of rejection.
Nice one