"The child heard we are in financial distress"

When they have to hear, they don’t hear. When they don't have to hear, they hear every word - even if they're in another room. Children.

Children often hear their parents talking to you about money. And it’s usually the case that these are conversations that only take place when problems arise. There have been quite a few of the latter in recent months, as many have lost their jobs or are on hold. Financial hardships increased, as evidenced by the Ministry of Labor's data that the number of beneficiaries of cash social assistance increased during the first wave of the epidemic.

In times of crisis, action is needed - some families have given up holidays, reduced spending and the like. Children perceive this and also hear it when parents talk about how to get out of the situation. And as hard as it is for adults, it may be even harder for children. The younger ones do not understand what is happening and why such changes, the older ones are wondering and are afraid of what will happen if the parents lose their jobs ...

Changes need to be discussed with children and given a sense of security. So how to explain the crisis to the child and how to answer their questions?

Young children hear a lot but do not understand

You are talking in the kitchen, the child is watching a cartoon in the living room. You’re sure he doesn’t hear your conversation about being in financial distress.

Young children basically hear everything, and their distress increases as they do not fully understand what they hear. They also perceive your response when you look at a received payment slip that has a high amount on it.

It’s not fair to a child to hear things he doesn’t fully understand, and you don’t want to explain them to him. If you don’t want to talk to your child about it, then make sure your partner doesn’t really hear about you.

Lying and concealment causes greater distress

If your child asks you what is going on, then tell the truth, but age-appropriate. If you lie, the child will expose you very quickly. This will increase his distress even more. If you say that everything is fine and that there is no reason to worry about not bothering with these things, and you will be in complete spasm, fear and panic, the child will feel that you have no control and that there is a danger from somewhere. , but will not know what and how serious this danger is.

If a child catches you lying, then he will lose confidence in you. But if you tell the truth (appropriate to the years, of course, and without unnecessarily revealing details), then he will trust you to sort things out. "I'm out of a job, but I'm already looking for a new one. I'll try to find her as soon as possible. Until then, we have to allocate money wisely with your mom / dad. It takes a lot of conversation and planning." Just a few simple words and the child knows he can trust you. That the parents are a team working to make sure everything is okay.

The teenager already understands much more. He knows you have credit, he sees the amounts on the bills ... If a teenager asks you what if they can’t, don’t fire him. Talk to each other. Teenagers are extremely sensitive and you have to listen to them, even though you think you already have enough work to do with yourself.

Tell them how you feel

There is nothing wrong with saying during a conversation with a child that you have been affected because, for example, your salary has been reduced. That you are sad, that you are worried ... But also tell him how you intend to resolve the matter. That you will try to get a new job, that you have money saved that makes you feel safe, that you will ask for help ...

If you do not want a conversation

However, if you are firmly determined that you do not want to explain such matters to the child (you do not want to burden him, you are ashamed ...), then you should not allow the child to hear your conversations in the next room or see you in moments of panic. attacks and cries. This is really not fair to children, as this makes their distress greater and their sense of security diminish. And it is safety that is very important to children - to know that parents will do everything in their power to ensure that safety, even in times of crisis.

Thank you for reading.

Greetings!

@Kaya