Having a baby boy is a pride of the family. A boy that could carry the surname unto the next generation. A boy that could help in farming chores. A boy that can do whatever they want. A boy that I wish for. My parents' gender expectation when I was in the womb, is a boy as the midwife said to them. No ultrasound and seeing into obgyne because every cent is precious and the living status is really poor. They have faith and confidence in the midwife. Also the beliefs they have. The way Mama's appearance, the womb formation and more traditional belief in identifying the baby gender. My Papa is so excited with the thought that the baby is a boy. When the moment of truth comes, no one expects that the boy they expect is actually a girl, which is me. Even if the expectation fades, the love they give is so much. But there are some points that I wish I had.
Seeing papa working in the field under the sun when my brothers are not around, I want to help and take over but he never lets me because I am a girl and supposed to do the house chores together with mama. How I wish I was a boy at that moment when papa is tired and exhausted with overflowing sweats.
As time goes by, everytime the fields of coconut trees are time to harvest there I am doing the house chores, cooking their meals and snacks together with native coffee and giving them water. Seeing the lack of people to do the work urged me to help and said some flowering words to the worker to let me. Even snack time while they eat initially replaces them one. by one to learn the works and I must find it so hard for a girl to do.
Secretly, I learned to remove the coconut from the shield, look for the coconut in the growing grass and do the cargo to move some coconut into the nearest place to access. Yes, I did those things without their knowledge and presence, especially papa's awareness. Surely, he will be enraged to die and upbraid for letting the girl do the work of the boys. Those works are really for the boys because it needs strength including their body build and it is so dangerous especially removing parts.
Throughout the years when papa was being a bedredden co'z of disease my urge to be a boy becomes dominant to help mama regarding the farm especially in harvest time. At the same time they found out about the secret and thankfully papa slowly accept it to help mama managing the harvest. I did what was my papa's responsibility before and oversaw the whole duration. I have an attitude of risk taking and adventure with a curiosity on how to take care of carabao and horses are my next targets. Those animals are the responsibility of my two brothers but slowly forgotten when they enjoy and meet friends. I learn to handle, feed and ride the carabao but before that I experience terrible and scary that I thought will be my death. In horse is what I struggle the most especially the controlling them in riding. I experience those things for us to survive while papa is not able to do. I never mind the hardship in learning those works because I have to stand firm like a boy co'z mama see me as her strength. Those down moment and feel I am weak, I always think I am a boy in the version of girl figure. I was a boy in experiences.
Shalom and Greatness awaits😇
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JustMaryel sending you Love❣️
Well, both gender are prides in their own right